Better Than Drugs - Dabi x Reader

Chapter 34

Y/N's POV

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.

It's my heart. That's the sounds it's making me. I don't like this sound. I haven't liked it in the last year. It starts to occupy my ears whenever I'm awake and aware.  It's a sound that's starting to get more on my nerves the more I hear it.

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.

I do have a question: Where am I? I can tell someone is in the room with me. It's a comforting and familiar presence. In a way, it's like I can't live without this person nearby, but the hell is this person.

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.

I don't remember anything that happened except when those people broke into my room. I was scared. I didn't know what they were doing there. Something about how they care about me. I think I care about them. I'm not sure. I'm too high to have proper feelings.

I opened my eyes and was met with the usual white ceiling of my bedroom. I took in a breath and the air filled my lungs. At least I think I have lungs. I wouldn't mind if they just collapsed on me and I stopped breathing for the rest of my life.

Looking over to my left, black hair caught my attention. Burn marks and metal piercings across a handsome face came into view. Shallow breathing, closed eyes, and completely still. I sat up and looked at Dabi. He was asleep right next to me. I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and checked the time.

8:29 a.m.

I sighed and got out of bed. I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I avoided the mirror. There is no point in looking at someone that I didn't recognize. I went to the sink and cleaned my face. It felt so heavy. Everything was so heavy.

Since Dabi was on my bed, I couldn't lift the mattress and grab the Morphine. I went back into my room after drying my face and looked at Dabi. He was so handsome. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. I made my way out of the room and into the kitchen.

I looked through the pantry to find something to eat. Nothing. Well, not actually nothing. There was plenty to eat. I just wasn't interested in eating. I did need to, though. I grabbed a cup of ramen and took the wrapping off. I poured water into it and threw it in the microwave.

I played on my phone while I waited for my noodles. It was boring and dry. There was nothing interesting to do on it. Nothing was interesting to me anymore. The only joy I feel is when I'm high, but even then, it doesn't feel like joy. It's more like a content feeling.

The microwave went off, but I didn't bother to reach for it yet. I leaned against the kitchen counter and put my phone in my pocket. I rolled up my sleeve to see a bruise in the crease of my arm. I didn't feel anything towards it.

Standing in the kitchen, I yawned and let the thoughts wander.  It was all a lot for me to deal with. Maybe things will get better. I doubt it, but maybe I can be clean one day. For now, I don't even want to think about facing reality.

I opened the microwave and pulled out the cup of noodles. I peeled the top off completely and threw it in the trash can. I grabbed a pair of chopsticks and started eating. I sat on the countertop and ate in silence.

I'm not sure how much time had gone by, but I knew it had to be a while. My mind kept blanking on me and my memory has been so hazy. I've only been doing this for the past almost two months, but I've already forgotten most of my year. Nothing has felt real to me.

There's no reason for you to be around any longer.

Your mind doesn't work anymore. It's never worked to begin with.