Better Than Drugs - Dabi x Reader

Chapter 23

Y/N's POV

Dabi's happy that I'm alive? Why am I not happy to be alive?

Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. I was so happy to see him, but I was upset that I'm still alive. My emotions were a mess and the feeling was crushing me. It was the first thing to greet me when I opened my eyes. I guess this is what happens when I decide to abuse drugs.

This fucking sucks.

Dabi wiped the tears that were coming and kissed my forehead. He squeezed my hand tighter and a look of relief was on his face. Guilt washed over me as I remembered that I put him and my friends through what happened to me. My chest was heavy and I wanted to cry, but I held back.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Dabi said. "You were dying right in front of me and I didn't know what to do."

"The nurse told me you brought me here while I was having a seizure."

Dabi nodded and he looked like he wanted to forget about what happened last night. Being stuck in this hospital bed in front of him made me feel like a burden. I was emotionally in a terrible spot. Coming down from the drugs and having my mind in a rough spot made me feel so weak.

"I know what you're thinking," Dabi said. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Easier said than done. I feel like ass right now. I kind of wish I was at a party doing Xanax instead of being in this hospital bed," I said.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Dabi asked.

I hate this question. I don't know why I do it to myself, but at the same time, I have a full list of reasons. It's a way for me to not focus on my emotions and my past. I feel good and I'm not stuck in this rut called life. I deserve it since I'm usually a second option.

"I don't know," I said.

"I think you do know. You just don't want to tell me," Dabi said.

Sometimes it feels like he can see right through me. I've always hated opening up, but I seem to be able to do it with him sometimes. He makes things easier somehow like he understands life much more than I do.

"I'm tired of living this life. It's so hard and I don't want to be alive if it means being sober," I admitted.

Dabi fell silent. The silence was bothering me because it meant that he was thinking. I have always hated when people think about me in a negative light. I never open up about my feelings to people and starting now seems impossible.

A knock came from the door and the nurse from before walked in. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she held a clipboard in her hands. Her scrubs were a baby blue and a stethoscope hung around her neck.

"How are you feeling Ms. L/N?" The nurse asked.

"I kind of feel like crap, but everything feels emotionally draining," I said.

"People that have a drug overdose usually feel like that after waking up," She said. "You still have some of the drugs in your system so we have to do a detox on you."

"Can't we just let the drug get out on its own? It only takes three days for it to leave someone's system," Dabi said.

"It's still a little high and we want to get out as much as we can," The nurse said. "It is painful, but someone is here with you to help you through the pain."

Alarms started blaring in my head. Painful? What the fuck does she mean? How bad is the pain? I sat up and I squeezed Dabi's hand. I looked at him with a worried expression. He gave me a reassuring look and his thumb rubbed over my knuckles.