More Than Anything | Bellarke (ENG)

Chapter 17

The letter Raven wrote to us completely killed us. I was angry with her that she didn't tell us anything... We couldn't even say goodbye to her... I miss her so much...

Today was even more difficult. Raven's funeral was due today.

I can't shake off her loss. I'm locked up in my room and I don't even remember the last time I ate. It was similar with Octavia... But after a while she let Lincoln and her parents come to her, and I... On the contrary. At night, I couldn't sleep at all. I looked terrible. My hair was messy, my skin felt pale, and my eyes were red from crying. Additionally, my heart broke into thousands of pieces. How do you get up after something like this? I can't accept it...

I was sitting on the bed in my room now, wearing an old T-shirt, pants and hoodie. I stared out the window as tears ran down my cheeks.

I have to attend this funeral, but... I don't know if I can stand it... I'm already sick of all of this!

My further brooding was interrupted by a knock on the door. They were locked so the person outside couldn't go inside.

"Clarke..." I heard Bellamy say. "Clarke, it's me..." He said. "Please, open the door, princess. "

I glanced at the door, then began staring back at the window.

"Clarke, say something. Let me know you're okay. " Brunet asked. "Please... "

I took a deep breath.

"I-I'm fine..." I replied, my voice breaking.

"Will you let me in? Please... "

"No. " I replied almost immediately. "You've tried before, don't you have enough? " I cried.

"Never. " He replied. "I'm not letting go until you let me in. "

"I won't let you in. " I said.

"So I'll be sitting here in front of the door and waiting for you to leave. " Boy said and after a while he sat down by the door of my room.

I sighed and walked over to the door with my back against it.

"I know it's hard for you..." Blake said. "I understand you... But you can't cut yourself off from all of us. " I fell to the ground. I was sitting in front of the door, and like Blake, I leaned back against it. "We're all worried about you, very much. Besides ... Octavia needs you. " Man sighed. "Clarke...? "

I listened carefully to Bellamy's words. Tears were running down my cheeks incessantly. I couldn't more accurately fulfill Raven's request and not cry or be sad. She was... No, she's still my friend... I fucking miss her anyway.

***

Bellamy was still sitting outside my door, so I slipped out the window. I did it more than once so it wasn't a problem for me. I pulled the hood over my head and went for a walk. I had to think a little. After a few minutes, I decided that I would go to one place where I could think about everything and forget about the whole world at the same time. On the roof of that block.

We lived near the city so I decided to take a little longer walk. After a few long minutes, I was there. I sat on the edge of the roof, swung my legs down, and looked straight ahead.

At this point, I was able to forget about all my troubles and sorrows. At least for a moment I was able to break away from the real world.

I've been sitting there for quite a long time. I needed it. Right now I was afraid to come back to reality. Raven's funeral is due in a few hours... The mere thought of it made me cry again. I started to cry, let my emotions explode again. What else awaits me?