It had been quite sometime Nandi and I spent some time together without disturbances or arguing. All the couples had left together, not talking to each other, but still left together. Mainly because they came with each other. Nandi had not spoken to me much after our last argument. We even cleaned up the house silently.
" You want something to eat?"
" No I'm still good but can we talk?"
" I think we have talked enough. There's nothing more to talk about."
" I want to talk about what you said last night.You know about giving me a second chance."
" I said that just to get to you. Don't take it to heart."
" So you didn't think about giving me a second chance at some point?"
" I did but then I thought of the many times I have thought you changed only for you to do the same shit. So I don't think giving you a second chance would be sensible."
I just had to ask. I really wish I had a time machine so I could go back and keep my promises when she gave me that first second chance or just back to the day I started cheating.
" I know you don't believe me but I mean it when I say I've learnt my lesson."
" You keep saying that but nothing has changed. Your mistress still lives in the house you bought her. Which you also still pay rent for. So do please tell how much you've changed?."
" Nan I_ I-"
" You what?! You thought that I would never find out about that. Well your extra marital activities were a lesson to me. I learnt how to be more observant with you, hence I know you've kept contact with her."
I was speechless, I thought I was careful. Although I was not cheating, I was still friends with her and did help her out from time with time with money, mostly.
" I was just helping her out, I'll stop-"
" That's the problem_ you know what_ I'm going to go to bed. You can stay if you want to. The guest rooms are clean."
I wanted to stop her but there was nothing I could think to say to her in that moment. All I could do is watch her disappearing back. I understood her point, I kept saying I had changed but there was no sign of change. Not to her anyway.
" For somebody who wants his wife back, you sure fuck up a lot Sal."
" What's fuck up mma?"
I almost screamed when my son spoke behind me. He was supposed to be sleeping after the long day he had.
" What are you doing up?"
" I'm thirsty."
" Come let me get you a glass of water and you go back to bed after."
" Mma don't worry, we will be a family again one day."
" Now that's something you shouldn't worry yourself about."
" I'm not worried because I wished for mommy to forgive you when I blew out my candles earlier. So I'm not worried."
His words made me feel worse than I already felt. I knew my actions had hurt my whole family but it just dawned on me the intensity of the repercussions of my actions on my son. I carried him to his bed and tucked him in then sat next to him caressing his head till he fell asleep.
" I have failed you guys tremendously_ there's a great chance that your mother will never forgive me but trust that I'll always be here for you. Whatever you need."
I kissed his forehead before heading out. Talking to my son made me decide to drive home and give Nandi her space tonight. I was not done pursuing her.
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