BBW ( Just republishing to hopefully finish it, there might be slight changes)

SIMZ & NIKI

" Baby please don't do this. Let's please talk about this. Give me a chance to explain myself."

She grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around when she got no response from me. For the past thirty minutes she has been trying to get me to stop packing my bags and talk to her but I did not want to talk because I was trying hard not to cry.

" Look I know you're hurting and I'm sorry that I'm the cause of this hurt but please just give me the chance to explain."

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

" You want a chance to explain yourself?! I was raped and as much as you're not the one who raped me, he raped me because of you. I was so confused when after raping me he said he understood why you liked me. Today everything clicked and right now you're the last person I want to be around and talk to."

" Baby _ I was wrong for not telling you about my marriage but I figured that I'll be divorced by the time you find out. I never thought that he would refuse to divorce me. I mean he only got married for convenience. My father didn't want people to know his daughter was gay, Will wanted the money and position that came with marrying into my family and I just wanted my dad to let me play ball. I never thought he would go to the lengths where he has gone to."

" Well he did and ruined how I see myself. Do you know how much I blamed myself after he raped me. I thought you would blame me, that you wouldn't love me anymore. Every night I still have nightmares of him on top of breathing all over me. I feel him inside him and I wake up with the urge to peel my skin off. So your explanation is no use of me, you should have told me."

" I am sorry for everything you went through. I thought I had everything under control, that you were safe and they could never get to you."

" They did."

" You're right I should've told you that I was married but I was afraid I would lose you. Finally I had the one thing that made me happy, that person I've always wanted and the one who could make me happy. The one who completes me."

" You don't keep secrets from the one you love. Do you realize how much hurt your lies have caused. I know I shouldn't blame you but I can't help thinking that if I knew about your husband I would've stayed away from him."

Internally I rolled my eyes.

" Niki I love you and I can say I've never loved anyone as much as I love. Hence I didn't know how to tell you or what to tell you. The only thing I knew was that I did not want to lose you."

" Well that didn't work now did it?."

I drew in a deep breath because I suddenly could not breathe. My chest felt a little tight but I breathed a little easier till I looked at her. She was in tears as I was but I got mad, she had no right to cry.

" I need some air."

" I'll come with you."

" No! I want to be alone."

She sat on our bed as I walked out to the balcony. I felt a little dizzy so I held onto the rail before crouching down onto the floor. Just as I sent down, as sharp lower abdominal cramps sliced through me. Thinking they were caused by sitting on the floor, I tried to stand.