All Alone

Chapter Twenty One

Santana went home after that day and her mother went back to whatever country she had left. But Brittany made Santana promise to go to the psychologist.

I waited with her until finally a woman came out. "Santana Lopez?" She was a warm looking brunette in her mid-thirties.

Santana furrowed her brow but stood. "Where's Dr. Brenner. Dr. Brenner is my shrink."

The woman smiled. "She is too busy, so from now on your sessions will be with me. I'm Dr. Meyer."

The Latina looked cautious but followed the woman into the little room anyway.

"You'll be fine!" The blonde called after her as she disappeared.

-

Brittany had never seen Santana look so scared and ashen in her entire life.

"What happened?" She asked.

The brunette just shook her head and didn't talk to her the whole way home.

Brittany followed her into her house though, refusing to let this go. The shrink was supposed to make her better, not worse. "Santana what's wrong? What did she do?"

The Latina's eyes watered and she shook her head. "She was right." Her voice cracked on the word 'right.'

The cheerio's heart melted. "What happened, San?"

"She was right. It's all my fault. I know it. It's all my fault."

"What? No!" Brittany gasped. What kind of a therapist was this?

Santana collapsed onto the couch and Brittany went with her. The taller girl grabbed her hands. "Santana what happened in there? You can tell me."

Silent tears rolled down her caramel cheeks. "S-she asked me if I had anyone to talk to about this. I said you."

The blonde gave a soft smile.

"So she asked me-" Her breath hitched. "She asked me if you were a friend. I told her sort of. I told her about how I love you. And then she-" the Latina let out a sob and looked down, seemingly unable to continue.

The dancer squeezed her hand.

"She told me that maybe I got raped because God was punishing me for sinning. For being... For loving girls."

"What?" Brittany stood up quickly. She was mad-no-livid! Freaking pissed!

Santana sobbed. "And she's right. I've known it all along. I've known it was my fault! I knew there was something wrong with me!"

Brittany's heart broke. "Santana..." She sighed and sat down again. "It's not your fault. That meanie is just... Mean. Like plankton mean."

The Latina shook her head, not even cracking the tiniest smile. "It's all my fault." She rocked back and forth. "It's all my fault. All my fault..."

The blonde furrowed her brow and made Santana look at her. "Stop. Santana-"

She was cut off by the Latina running for the stairs.

"Santana! Stop! Santana, wait! Please!"

She raced up the stairs and into her room then stopped dead in the middle of it and stared blankly at Brittany.

The blonde advanced slowly, holding her hands out. "Santana... Calm down."

With that Santana let out an ear-splitting cry and dropped to her knees.

Brittany's eyes widened. Had Santana literally gone crazy?

The Latina let out another shriek and screamed at the top of her lungs between sobs, "I'M DYING INSIDE!"

The blonde began to cry too. "Please, Santana. What do I do?" At this point she felt totally useless. Could she call 911? Did this count as an emergency?"

Santana stood, still sobbing and picked up a snow globe off her desk and chucked it at the wall.

Brittany jumped out of her skin.

The globe split open and the liquid drained out.

Santana was half screaming, half sobbing as she continued to trash her room. She smashed things, tossed books off shelves and tore her blankets off her bed.

The cheerleader stood frozen. She had no idea what to do.

"I WANNA DIE!" Santana sobbed as she tore up papers and crushed pencils under her feet. "I wanna die! I wanna die! I wanna die!" She screamed over and over.

"Santana stop!" Brittany seemed to unfreeze and leap into action. She grappled a little mirror from Santana and set it aside.

The Latina fought with all her might but Brittany was simply stronger. She hugged the shorter girl, enveloping her body so that she couldn't get away.

Santana sobbed into her chest and kept saying the same phrase over and over. "I wanna die! I wanna die." They ran together. "I wanna die I wanna die!" She sobbed and shrieked. "JUST LET ME DIE!"

Brittany shook her head, crying just as hard and kissed the top of the Latina's head. "No. I won't. I won't let you die, honey. I promise."

AN: Serious chapter. I hope I didn't make you guys think it would all get better from here. We still have a long road ahead of us full of bumps and swerves. And we're gonna get that so called therapist fired am I right?! Love you all!

- G. Schreiber