pied piper

37 | Feel

mommy is feeling generous 😌🌹

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"Are you a virgin?"

My heart drummed hard against my chest suddenly, a violent hit, and despite that I couldn't seem to take in a single breath, choking on my words and in the thick tension whilst Mr. Jeon didn't utter a single word, but fixated his heavy, hard gaze on me.

"Would my answer change anything?" his orbs softened, craning his neck to look deeper into my eyes but make me feel incredibly small and weak.

Would it?

I mean he's 28, plus he's literally the most gorgeous and charming man to have ever walked on this planet, so sexy but also so sophisticated and...

"No.." I tried to swallow down my unease, unable to suppress the need to just hide my face in his robust chest forever. Just as I inhaled into the familiar but addicting scent of his cologne, the gears of my mind instantly revoked. Has anyone else had the luxury to sniff into this blissful euphoria? Gaze into his eyes full of love? Get lost in the smearing fire of his lips?... Have him?

How many more have, better yet.

At first it was just a casual question that I wanted to glance, nod and walk away at but now... I was forced to stand and watch it.

But, would I really feel jealous? I wasn't a naive child, I couldn't just overlook the fact that our relationship is probably very different from all of the other ones he must have had.

Very different.

What if they were better than me? How much better were they? Someone who'd be of his age, a powerful woman, his type and didn't need to depend on anyone for anything.

... then would I feel jealous or insecure?

"Yes..?" my breathing shallowed and I felt an awful amount of apprehension fall over me suddenly. I bit my lip to contain myself, cursing myself for even a putting up such a ridiculous question, the left oxygen in my lungs was punched out when I made the mistake to look over at Mr. Jeon, his eyes full of unknown words and emotions fixating over me as he patiently waited for me in silence. "I-I mean, no...ye- I don't know!"

I kept looking down on my lap, overridden by numerous insecurities and foolishness that drowned me with them, pulling my legs away from him and cowardly planning to run away. But before I could even think of putting in the mission to work, he had caught my legs, pulling them back to his warm body all the while I could only make a puny effort to protest.

"Tell me, baby... would it?"

"Yes..." I spoke softly, breathing slow. It was stupid, I was stupid, getting all worked up over nothing. It was natural, I cannot just expect a man like him to stay untouched, untainted, he had the appeal of a Casanova, I must be beyond vacuous to even consider that.

Mr. Jeon continued to look at me unwaveringly for a few more seconds, seemingly a thousand thoughts running over his head when he finally looked down at our tangled fingers and then back into my eyes, a soft smile masking his lips.

"No, baby, I am not. I'm not a virgin."

Oh...

Oh shit.

I lifted my eyes that were threatening to spill any second from the pressure that I was abruptly put onto but from the answer I had quite forced myself to receive, and it took a hell lotta power to not break down right then and there. It wasn't exactly because of his answer but the insecurity that was slowly making itself apparent, that was crawling on my back and up my neck uncomfortably, smearing me within its lethal heat. I didn't want to be like this with him, I didn't want to be me.