pied piper

57 | Blue And Grey

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Why does tragedy exist?
Because you are full of rage.
Why are you full of rage?
Because… you are full of grief.

I took a deep breath.

Numerous shades of melancholy flew across the sky like hollow strokes of nothing, muffs of clouds following softly along the flow like remnants of what was once a beautiful canvas. Packed yet colorless. Blue and gray. Not chilly yet so cold, devoid of any warmth. Hollow. Or maybe it is the heart that keeps you warm, not the weather. Maybe it has to do nothing with the weather at all.

Maybe the way we interpret what’s around us is based on what is inside of us.

Voluntarily leading myself back to where it hurt the most, I waited for the familiar burn of my lungs to end, only this time, my eyes didn’t well up. My throat didn't clog anymore. I didn’t feel the suffocating urge to cry. This is life. You cannot fight with time when it waits for none. It is a testimony to our significance in this world. So small and unimportant. Somewhere deep inside of me, that alone made it hurt a little less.

I exhaled.

Where I should be filled with venom and only that, hoard no feelings other than contempt and spite for him till there wasn't a drop of life left in me.

I was overcome with guilt.

“Y/n…may I come in?” I looked over at my shoulder, finding my English teache- Jeon's employee, Rosa standing at the door. Turning back to the motionless view of the empty sky in front of me, I pursed my lips.

“Not like anything that I say really matters. Do as you wish.”

I refused to acknowledge her presence beside me, continuing to silently stare at the clouds move for the past two weeks.

Two? Only two? Maybe three, or four. I didn’t know what time it was, or how many days had passed, I didn’t care anymore. It wasn’t worth caring. I didn’t even want to be alive anymore. There was no point, no motive, and no future. It was anything but a curse heavily loaded over my shoulders.

The curse of existence.

Bringing me down with each aching moment but forcing me to walk despite the pain and relentless suffering.

“How are you?” her unpretentious tone made the involuntary muscles of my heart shrink just a bit but the question instantly put a smile on my face. Sparing her a glance, I smacked my lips.

“Fantastic.”

A scoff came at me.

Silence blanketed the both of us and I had to look to be sure she was still there, only to find her deep in thought. Just as I thought she'd leave, she spoke.

“You know...I was 18 when I met Jeongguk."

I remained silent.

Why was she telling me that? Now?

"Despite the mafia mob stereotype, this line of business could be very discreet. Very. I spent 17 years of my life not having a single idea that I… belonged to one. We were a family of 4, like yours. I was in school and my elder brother, Jin, in college. We all had our differences but in a nutshell, I believe we were pretty tolerant of each other, and at the end of the day, happy.”

One thing about the woman beside me, she was one hell of a fast speaker, and the way that she delivered her words instantly had me hooked. Maybe that’s why she was able to do so well pulling off the role of an English teacher.