pied piper

63 | More And Less

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After what seemed to be a long time I finally descended to my body, unable to hold myself back from asking. "You... like me? Then why the hell stalk me? Hurt me? Kidnap me? Tell me about it, V."

I didn't want to be dramatic but words flew out my mouth before I could withhold them.

He spared me a glance, biting his lip like he was ashamed. "You're right, I did all that to you but… I did it as an employee, I never intended to hurt you or even your family, hell, when I saw you getting so close to that Jeongguk, I really thought to myself if I should continue to spy on you. You see… after I was back in Seoul, your mother... Kim Aera reached out to me. I was 12 then. She told me I was her son, that she was my real mother… I was over the Moon! I thought that war was finally over, that I had paid for all the good karma coming for me… But it turned out that she had a family of her own, her own life and, well, she couldn't… " he paused, brows furrowing as he struggled to find words.

"She couldn't accept me…?"

"And I asked myself then how different was she from all the other parents I've had till now? They were all the same, selfish and disgusting! I… I denied her help and just hoped to survive for a few more years before ultimately succumbing to everything. You see… for people like me, living itself is a blessing. It's a task, a war outside and within. And when you face so many obstacles one after another, with no respite, even an optimist resigns… the same happened with me… only…it gets worse." he chuckled softly, but unlike all the other times which were sarcastic or even downright evil, this was just….sad.

"Apparently, the people I escaped from had really good relations with an actual, real yakuza. And when they got to know what I, a mere kid, had done, they were livid and…up for revenge. And a revenge they took, alright… more than it, they took." Taehyung coughed suddenly, getting up but grabbing a bottle of water from the nightstand. It took only a few quick chugs to empty the whole bottle before he was laying by my side again, taking a deep breath.

"Why are you telling me all this, V?" I asked, not wanting him to rub salt on his wounds. It was already too much, I didn't want to hear more, no matter how curious it made me, he had suffered enough, I didn't want him to go through the terrible experiences all over again just to morph it into a tale for me.

"Because…." he clicked his tongue, "Uhm… because." his voice suddenly wavered, a hiccup leaving him before he was already sobbing. All my senses temporarily paralyzed and I didn't feel my hand raising to comfort him, however, I stopped myself just before I could once again be fooled in the blanket of emotions and sympathy.

I lowered my eyes but let him have his moment, clearing my throat and resisting the urge to calm the classmate and friend I cared about.

But that's the thing about life, it doesn't just take minutes to change perspectives, people and the heart. There's truth in uncertainty that keeps us going, acting as fuel to make sure we don't get too comfortable with where we are, who we are. To remind us there's more and there's less.

"Because?" I repeated his words firmly, urging him to continue. And once wiping his tears, he did.

"Because I don't want you to hate me… with whatever happens today, I want you to know everything so that even…even if I'm not anymore... you don't have this image full of remorse for me, I'd rather you forget me than remember me with hate." he whispered, voice croaky and low. "I'd like to be liked too, just once."

"They say it's one of the most beautiful feeling... affection, comfort and just happiness." he lifted his lashes, giving me a stare that was so natural yet so unsure. "I'd like to be held too."