Out of the Slump~Shadamy

The Old Man

Shadows Pov

The old Weasel is red with anger but I'm angrier. I hardly hear what he's shouting at me as I walk over to the purple bastard and pick him up by his collar. I pull my arm back getting ready to give him one more good punch to the face, and I would have if the old fart hadn't stopped me. 

He is pulling on me with all his might, "Don't do this Shadow, we both know you're a lot stronger than him. You don't need..."

I try to pull away without hurting him. "Let me go," I growl through barred teeth.

I can feel my anger growing as I look at the smug smirk that refuses to leave the purple bastard's face. I break away from the grip of the old man and grin down at the prick. His eyes grow in horror and I can't help but feel satisfied. 

I pull Toni closer and get ready to tear him a new one but the old man grabs my arm again.

"I've been dealing with your crap for too long hedgehog! Let him go, or you're fired!"
I freeze. It's not that it'd be all that hard to get a new job but I know that no one is going to put up with me the way that the old man does. Also now that I'm taking in my surroundings a bit more. Toni's nose is trickling blood and the old man looks a bit winded from the stress. The bandage has unraveled and my burnt hand is exposed.

I let out a sigh and let go of the purple shits collar, purposefully letting him fall from the height I was holding him, and step away. The old man lets out a heavy breath of his own and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Go outside Shadow." The old fart says.

"I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now."

"Do you want to keep this job or not?" He says, exasperated.

...

The old man and I stand in the alley behind the cafe. This scene is all too familiar to me. I've been out here more times than I can count. Each one of those times the old man would lecture me about my behavior and bad attitude. But today he's been pretty quiet.

When we got out, he lit a cigarette and began smoking without saying a word. And the longer we stand here in this silence the more uncomfortable I feel. I stand with my hands stuffed in my pockets and my head facing the ground. For the first time in a while, I actually begin to regret something I've done. If I get fired it's going to be a real pain to get a new job and even if I won't say it out loud I really do like working here. I also feel ashamed that I even let that waste of oxygen get to me. But it's all said and done now, and I have to face the consequences, whatever they may be.

I begin to think about the many different things that would happen as the silence continues but soon the old man says something that I wasn't quite expecting.

"What's going on with you kid?" His voice is softer than I'd heard it before. I watch him blow out a puff of smoke as he stares off into the distance, the frown lines on his face are much more distinct when he's like this. 

"Nothing," I mumble.

"Don't feed me that crap. For weeks now you've been coming to work with more attitude than usual and it's only gotten worse. I tried to look past it and give you your space but what you did today can't be ignored." He blows out a puff of smoke and still refuses to look at me.

"I just have a lot going on..." That is all I can muster the courage to say. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose again. I honestly feel bad for stressing him out so much. I think I heard that he was recently diagnosed with some heart issues too.

"Kid, no one can help you if you won't talk."

"I can handle it on my own."

"Really?" He finally turns to face me. "Cause' from the looks of it your way of 'handling it' is beating the shit out of your co-worker." He chuckles. I can't help but laugh along.

"Yeah well, said co-worker had that coming for a while," I smirk, letting myself relax a bit more.

"Hell yeah, he did."

We both continue laughing for a while longer before it falls quiet again.

"Look, I know that you don't like Toni. If I'm being honest he annoys the crap out of me too with all that damn energy, but you don't let your feelings get the better of you often Shadow. You may not want to talk about it but sometimes that's what you have to do or nothing will ever get better." He passes me a cigarette. I quit a few years ago but I think today deserves some cheating.

He holds the lighter up and lights it for me, to which I inhale and puff out some smoke before responding to him.

"Sometimes I just don't know what to do." I look up at the morning sky and how the light blue clashes with the yellowish-orange hew. "I think I have it all figured out, that things are fine just the way they are but then like always reality hits like a truck."

"I'm going to need you to be a bit more specific, kid."

"I have a friend. She's an amazing person. She's always understanding and kind, caring for those around her even if they don't deserve it. But she's been hurt, bad, plenty of times. I knew her for years but it was only recently that I got to know her truly. I care about her and I really do enjoy seeing her happy but.." I trail off.

"But what, kid?"

"I always screw things up. I started ignoring her a few weeks ago because I had things from my past start to bother me again. Things that believe it or not made me scared." I let my head fall feeling the shame of my actions weighing heavy on me. That and the embarrassment of finally opening up to someone about this. I know it's foolish, and I thought that I was over Maria's death, but a part of me always fears that anyone I get close to could end up the same way. I don't want to feel that kind of pain again.

"You said it yourself, kid. She's a good person, so what are you scared for?"

"That I'd lose her like everyone else." I blurt it out. This is the first time I allow myself to accept what the problem is. It never felt so easy before. But I also never knew just how selfish I truly am, and never would have until I said those words.

"You know a long time ago, I was married." The old man says, puffing out another cloud of smoke.

My eyes widen. I never thought the old man to be the marriage type.

"What happened?"

"Like you I let my fear control me. Before her, I had loved a girl who didn't love me back. She broke my heart and I didn't let myself be vulnerable for a long time after that. But then I met my wife and she was all the things I'd wished my first love could be." His eyes glisten with nostalgia.

"I married her but the longer I stayed with her the more I became scared of what would happen if I got too comfortable. I feared that she would leave me one day. So I buried myself in my work and ignored her until she filed for a divorce. Little did I know she was sick and less than four months later she passed." The old man's eyes were glossy and his voice shook with emotion.

"I was devastated, and all I wanted to do was tell her I loved her and apologize for treating her that way, but it was too late." He looks at me. A soft smile on his older face. It was the first time I'd ever seen him smile without laughing at someone else's expense, and it made him look a hundred times younger.

"Don't let it be too late Shadow. Even if you're not sure or you're scared, life is meant to be lived and to take chances. If you wait too long you may just miss that chance."

I don't know exactly what my feelings for Rose are, and I don't know if I'm ready to be in love again just yet. But I do know that she's one of the most amazing people I've ever met and I don't want to be the cause of any more pain for her.

"Thank you old fart," I smirk playfully resting my hand on the older man's shoulder.

"Just go in there and get back to work you little shit." He smacks the back of my head but still laughs.