Out of the Slump~Shadamy

Unrivaled Idiot

Shadows Pov

I had finally done it. I had finally fucked it all up. My expectations of myself were never high from the beginning. If they had been I wouldn't have continued to run like a coward until the very last moment. But I took too long, and now, Rose hates me. 

The day was bound to come. My inability to keep stable relationships never eluded me. The only one I ever had after Maria was with Rouge, but I would be more shocked if we hadn't become friends. The bat was a very pushy person. Being her roommate at the time I had no choice but to get close, lest I wanted to have my ear talked off every day about how I ignored her. 

At first, I found her extremely annoying. We'd constantly argue about boundaries and how infuriating she was.

"Leave me the fuck alone, bat!" I hissed at the bat who was my roommate at the time. I was trying to push my door closed as she held it open and had her head peeked through the crack. It would have been so easy to just use my superior strength to force it closed, but I was starting to care for the psycho at the time and feared hurting her. 

"What is your problem?  You can't stay holed up in this apartment forever, Shadow!" She continued to struggle against my hold on the door, even without me using my full strength. 

"Piss off Rouge!" I was finally able to gain the upper hand in our game of tug of war. She quickly pulled her head back before my door slammed shut, although if she hadn't I would have stopped before her neck got squashed. 

"Shadow! Get back out here, now!" She continued to bang and scream at my door until I relented and allowed her to drag me off to whatever torturous event she had planned. 

All of our days had passed like this. I didn't know true peace until Rouge finally got her new job and moved out. But I still find myself missing the annoying bat from time to time. Her constant pestering had made me less lonely and seeing as I had very few friends, no one else could do that for me. That was until Rose and I began getting close. The loneliness that I had ignored, amounting to having allowed the bat to socialize me too much, seemed like a distant memory when I was with her. 

Nothing could have prepared me for the way that Rose looked at me in that park. The emeralds embedded in her eyes, which had always shone with joy and affection when she looked at me, appeared akin to icicles. The way she spoke was cold. She laughed, devoid of humor. Sad, happy, angry even, I could handle all of that. But Rose at that moment had simply stopped caring. Not even when Faker had embarrassed her at the party had she made such a face.

But still, even through her frosty demeanor, she couldn't hide the way her voice would tremor or the occasional glitter of emotion in her almost completely desolate eyes.

I can't erase the way they looked from my head. I hurt her. And all I could do was blubber like an idiot before the consequences of my actions. Never have I felt like something I did would make me lose so much. Seeing that side of Rose made me realize just how much I craved her warm gaze. I'm used to being greeted with hateful glares or fake smiles. It's more comfortable to me at this point than genuine kindness. Hero or not many people still remember the bad things I've done, and though it has gotten better through the years, there are many who won't forgive me. There were very few people whose kindness felt natural to accept, and she was one of them.

She made me feel the type of comfort that I had only ever felt when Maria was alive. But, I took that for granted, just like the old man said. The second I was met with those empty green irises, I knew. It was a look that I had worn myself for some time. The look of a person who no longer wishes to be bothered by the rest of the world. She had closed herself off. It was my fault.