The Wires Case [ h.s ]

chapter 21

Harry Styles

I'm really bad at keeping promises. But I guess for once in my life I need to make an exception.

It's been two days since Blake put some sense in me, and I don't know how I feel.

The words he said about how I didn't think things clearly have struck with me since they left his mouth.

I guess I was too caught up in that little spark of comfort and elation I felt with Brooke that I thought she would be my only source of happiness again. Which as Blake said, it's fucking ridiculous.

But that came out of his mouth, not mine.

I don't think it is ridiculous, but it's kind of a difficult scenario.

As he said, at the end there are so many points that everything will go down, that I don't even know if there's any hope in trying.

On one hand, it can all go perfectly and Brooke and I get to live this fairytale I made up in my head—the one where everything turns out all right, or Blake is right and at the end we both crumble to the grown in agonizing pain created by nobody but me.

Fuck you Brooke for being so goddamn pretty, enfurating, delightful and for making me fall for you.

Because now I'm back at straight one, with feelings I can't control and with a hollow hole in my chest that can't be filled, just because it can ruin my life more than fix it. Or at least that's what Blake said. I'm still hoping that in the end it can be fixed, by her beside me.

I wish Blake could be me for a second and feel what I feel. It would help him get that it's not that easy to forget someone you developed feelings for. And he fucking knows me, he knows I get attached so easily I seem like a fucking koala.

I always had attachment issues, thanks to literally receiving zero affection and attention since I was a kid. So whenever I fall for someone, I fall hard and a little too soon.

But like always, my future is more important than my happiness, so let's fucking stick to my job.

It's not like I will feel any difference, since Emma left my future has been everything to me, because happiness no longer exists for me.

Emma, I miss you so fucking much. You would have known what to do. You always told me to follow my heart, even if it made me do stupid things.

I don't know if I can do this stupid thing though.

For now, I'll put this pathetic thought of me and Brooke aside, but I will not let it disappear at all. Because there's something deep in my chest that doesn't want to let it free.

So I'll pretend. I'll pretend for Blake, for Ryan, and for the dark future that's waiting for me.

The moment I see a spark from her part, I'm fucking catching it and not letting it go though. Then it can hit me in the face, but I don't care.

There was one word Blake said that really made my heart twist. Selfish. In that precise moment it made me feel bad, like everything I thought would make me happy was bad because it would hurt other people.

But the more I think about it, life gets to the point where one needs to be selfish for himself. Honestly nowadays it's so hard for us to think about ourselves for a second. Everyone else has other problems that surpass ours and that makes us feel like ours don't matter as much, when in reality we shouldn't care about anyone else other than ourselves and our own personal and unique struggles. Not let them be influenced or feel like they are not enough because of some other people's problems.