The Wires Case [ h.s ]

Chapter 50

i love you all so much, here's to 50 chapters of the wires case. absolutley insane, thank you for reading <3

Harry Styles

I've always thought of music as a form of releasing everything I was feeling. Since the moment I heard Blake's mom play one of the many instruments she played whenever I was staying at their home, I would always become enthralled by it. By every pure melody she created.

They were always so raw, so personal that it felt almost intrusive to hear, but that's the reason she's a musician.

To be heard.

Blake was always a very open kid. Not in a bad way, but he would always explain things to me, and sometimes those things were a little more personal. It was something he never realized, and he never did it with bad intentions. I know he was just trying to keep me entertained.

He's always had the urge to protect me in any way. And as much as Blake is one of the only people who I'm thankful to have in my life, I can help but feel guilty. Because no one should be responsible for another person's happiness except their own. No one as young as how Blake was when he was taking care of me–which was very, very young–should focus on someone other than themselves and their own happiness. But he's never been selfish in that aspect of our lives. For him, it was always me, and then himself.

And there are just some days where I can't bear it.

Because he put my happiness, needs and just everything that I was on the top of his list. And as much as yes–friends help each other, there's a big difference between helping and forgetting yourself to help others.

It's not your chore to save someone else. And most of the time, I wish Blake didn't save me.

But Blake and I are two different people. We come from different backgrounds and as much as our paths have been connected, they have never been the same. That's what was and is allowing Blake to worry about me. Because as much as he has had some issues in the past like everyone, he always had someone to support him, to guide him through failures and wins. And because of that he's the person he is today.

Someone decided, with a solid life built for himself where he can be true, authentic and where he can just be himself.

Me on the other hand, I never had that as much as he did. And it can sound cliche and typical, but when things happen to you they change who you are. Who you were supposed to become. Sometimes it does for good, sometimes it does for bad, and sometimes–soemtimes you don't have any fucking idea of who you have become or if you even like it.

And when you don't understand yourself, you find other ways to do it.

Writers write to be read, musicians compose to be heard.

I've never been good at writing, but I've had a thing for music.

Blake's mum was so kind to let me borrow one of the many keyboards she had and to also teach me how to play. And thanks to her I discovered a way to understand myself.

But life has never been kind to me. And something that became really important and helpful to me as much as playing the piano and writing original songs and playing them with melodies that would unravel the darkest thoughts and parts of my whole existence was, there's always an end to it.

Most of the time I would compose with a purpose. At first, it was for myself. To get my mind off things, to try and picture how I was feeling through raw melodies filled with mistakes and uncertainty. With sadness and lonely nights spent awake.

Then, Emma came in. And happiness made a way into my life. It put it in order, I guess. My father was still my father, but my mum was more into Emma than she ever was with me. She loved her so much, I know she did. And sometimes I would wonder why her and not me. But I guess sometimes we don't know how to give love to those who need it from us, and although she changed and tried to make amends with me, it won't change the fact that most of my years I didn't even hear her voice directed towards me.