The Wires Case [ h.s ]

Chapter 59

this is a double update!!! chapters 59&60 are up!!
play this song!!! you'll know when!!

Harry Styles

I'll never get used to it.

The feeling of the expensive fabric hugging my body is something I'll never get used to feeling again.

I've never believed in how some things might bring you back to places, moments...instances of your life you've tried really hard to leave behind, but every time I put on a suit, I'm back to being a fourteen year old standing at his sister funeral besides his father and mother, knowing out of all his family the only person who he really cared—and the only person who cared for him back— was being buried 6 feet under and therefore, gone forever.

It will never get easier, as much as time passes, grieving is a permanent feeling. It stays with you always, as a second liquid flowing your veins besides blood. And the same way we draw blood when getting a wound, grieving also appears when we give it an incentive to do so.

I've dressed up many times before, but I always avoided suits. The fabric just suffocates me. And it might be dumb, or I should have gotten over it, but it's really hard to do so when the first time I put one on I had already felt very out of place.

And not to mention the only other two times I wore one, things went quite downhill. Because it had been 10 years since I put one on that night of the first party Sienna hosted, and Brooke and I kissed for the first time which led me to spiral abut how fucked up I was regarding work and her. Then, at Nathan's house, when I went with Blake and Ryan while I was supposedly working, and I caught Brooke cheating on me.

So...yeah, I'm not quite fond of them. Had too many bad experiences.

But yet, when Brooke said dress up it's the only thing that came to mind that I should wear. Because the smile on her face was so bright that for once I felt like maybe tonight wearing a suit isn't going to be that bad.

I don't make any sense,  I know.

I try not to think too much as I stare back at my reflection in the mirror. Black dress pants, blue button up and a dress jacket the same color of the pants. I own quite a few button ups because of work, but I had never worn this blue one. It's a really dark color, and the more I look at it the more I'm reminded of Brooke's eyes.

I leave the two buttons at the top open, some of my tattoos peeking out of the fabric as well as my pendants. Looking at myself, I realize there's no comparison with what I once wore those other times, and I somehow feel a weight get off my shoulders. It's not as professional as someone would say, yet more casual but it still feels dressed up, which was really what I was looking for. I really don't know what Brooke has planned, but when she went through my closet determined and pulled out this outfit happily I was a bit confused. And scared, because...well, yeah, I have a fucking trauma with dressing up.

But now that I see it, I like it. It feels different, but It's the same fucking thing, which is the strangest thing of all this.

Maybe it's because of the  effect she has on me. Knowing that she was glowing with happiness when she picked out the clothes just makes me feel good about them, not as anxious or nervous as I felt before in the same circumstances.

But as I feel the back of the jacket on my neck, I can't help but know exactly how uncomfortable this clothing makes me feel.

Deciding that I've already overthinked enough, I peak at the time on my new watch on my wrist. Brooke got it for me for Christmas, which was a few days ago. And saying I was surprised would not even be an understanding, because I hadn't expected it at all and I really did need a watch and it's just so perfect as the new Converses she also got me.