The Wires Case [ h.s ]

Chapter 53

I'll be wanting you back
'Til the cops stop calling
Waist deep in the mess you started
'Cause I need you darling
Is that wrong?

tw: violence and sa

Brooke Wires

When I was little, I couldn't stop wishing for a relationship. The mere thought of someone loving me entirely felt like a warm hug I so desperately needed. And because I spend hours being all alone in front of the television watching princesses get saved and loved by princes, made me become a naive little girl that thought those kind of relationships would also happen to me, when the hard reality was that I wasn't a princess, nor was close to ever becoming one—except for the life I would become prisoner to without a scaping route—that would find her prince.

Because as much as Victor was my first everything, he was definitely not a prince.

Definitely not.

The scars from our relationship will always be a part of what I am today, and the way I act. When you have been hurt repeatedly by the same person over and over again, you can't help but acquire some of those painful habits. Because in the end, it ends up being the only thing you know.

I had never known what a toxic relationship was like, never experienced one before Victor, also. Although the aftermath of my parents' marriage, they loved each other. Or did, because...anyways. But if I can take anything good about their love—apart from me being alive, which I'm still debating if it's good or not—it's the realization of what actual love, even if it ends up badly, should be.

My parents loved each other so much in front of me and in front of the world that they made me naive to love. I never have been in the same room as them if it wasn't for a reason where we had to act like a perfect family, so that meant acting. And although they're love wasn't fake, I wish they would have shown me the downfall love has. Because behind closed doors, they were an absolute mess, Fights, hurtful words, and just an end.

My relationship with Victor felt the same. From the beginning, perfect. He was caring, affectionate, and just perfect. But with the passage of time, it became a mess.

There's always a breaking point in relationships. Fights and misunderstandings are always going to be there, they're going to happen sooner or later. It's the way that you start acting after those that will define how it ends. You can pretend, on one hand, that you agree with his wants, even if they go against everything you are, or you cannot.

I didn't agree with Victor,unlike my mom. And one of us ended worse than the other.

I might have had little to no self love for myself, and I might have treated myself badly, but thanks to that I knew that I wouldn't want anyone else to make me feel like that. Doing it to myself is enough. But when that new feeling of love, that deprived sentiment you've been wishing for arrives, you stick into it, as much as it hurts. Because we're already used to pain, not love.

And the moment we feel it, the moment we want to keep it forever. No matter how much it hurts.

The reality is that love against pain is a lose battle. Pain always wins, because it envelops everything. If you put both of them against each other, there's always one that is more developed than the other. For me it was pain, and that's what my relationship with my mom, my dad, and Victor ended up being.

Pain. The only thing I know, the only thing I feel, and the only thing I cause.

That's what I'm going to do today. Cause it. Because it's all I know. It's the only habit I have, and it's the only thing I learned that makes whoever is for, want more.