people often ask me how love feels like, i could simply answer them that the definition of love is different for everyone, not just for different stories but also for two people falling for each other, the perspectives for love can be so different t...
"no i won't do it ever again, please let me go, please don't do that to me."
"you should be punished for this. women like you need to learn a good lesson so that you never open your mouth ever again."
"no please no, i promise i won't say a word to one."
"bitch, you love bitching about me to my family don't you, you were trying to let me down in front of my brother and sister in law so that they take me as a villian and you can sleep with him huhh. you little slut, i'd rip your skin today."
"ahhh, no noooo pleaseeee."
my eyes opened while i was breathing fast, oh it was just a dream. i was lying in a big room with a window right behind me, yellowish orange rays of setting sun touched my skin. i got up to see what's going on on the street, i saw sid and my sisters studying together in front of my house. i left the bed and headed to kitche to grab a glass of water and then join them, sitting on the couch in living room was ms. krinal, siddharth's mom. my mom and grandma were also there, seems like they were trying to console her.
"don't worry dear, everything will be alright" dadi said in a motherly and caring tone.
"yes dear don't worry, everything will be fine. your brother will sort things for you" said mama referring to my dad but deep in her eyes i could see sadness and grief much more than aunty's eyes. i culd sense something i was so familiar with and i was praying it to be unreal. no woman would wish to see that pain, that helplessness on any other woman's face.
"sister..." my father came in and he looked a bit tensed.
sid also walked in, the first thing i noticed was his quite puffed eyes and than a pale face. siddharth cried... aunty was already crying, what's happening.
"dhvani you go in, siddharth beta you also go with her." i was unfortunately right, it's the same thing that i've been grieving over all this years. the worst a kid can experience in their childhood, biggest trauma one could have but siddharth's reaction was a lot different than reaction's on my girls' faces, he was calm and not crying and also didn't look panicked although someone who lives with him for this long and eats his all small details like me would clearly spot the difference his vibe had even though it was really hard to see through consciously, sid had a thick wall built up on his emotions that's what i learnt about him today but a the same time his golden heart was a soft cushion, it was filled with hundreds of untold stories and unheard screams that he would not share with anyone until someone is able to break his thick wall of emotions and talks and touches his soft heart and makes him feel safe, protected. someone who makes him feel like he was not weak or less manly when he wasn't able to help his mom for this, he was not wrong when he still decided to respect and love his dad equally, he was not selfish when he kept hidden under his blanket, he wasn't wrong, he was just a kid who literally hadn't had to fight.
"what happened sidhharth bhaiya?" heer asked when she sensed sid's misery.
"nothing love, everything's alright" sid said with a soft smile on his face, his lips just tilted a bit making enough of a smile for a little girl to get convinced. that conveyed everything about how sid's surviving his reality everyday just like i do. i hated to see him at this place, he deserved nothing less than his family pretended all this days, so did my sisters.
it's so heartbreaking to see all my favourites to go through something i have always been scared of, that trauma which i hold in makes it hard for me to believe that all of them holds the same or maybe more, i and my sisters have still got each other and mumma's got dadi and kaki but aunty and siddharth... i can't even imagine how much he'd have got on himself.
this very incident justified everything sid did after this all this time, his every little mistake, every little insult, every drama, all was explained in this one revelation at this point but my heart just couldn't think of anything else when it got wounds deeper than ever before from the boy she trusted more than life, from the boy she puts next to her god that obviously he reunited her with.
in less than a day sid was back to normal, a little, fat dancing rabbit. i now knew that this is not his normal but it definitely keeps him happy and i'm happy with that.
"tell me who you have crush on" "come on tell us whom do you like"
i and my sisters are asking him about his crush cus i just got this confirmed today that my little golgappa likes someone in the school.
"i probably know who she is, buddy... alizeh, aks or anjali..." his face got pink when i asked this, for some reason, i was not too happy to see that pink glow on his face but i liked it that he hd some happy vibes. "come on tell me who is it from this girls... "alizeh, aks or anjali"
"shhh, lower your voice, my mum's in the kitchen. she'll hear us... alizeh, aks or anjali" he mimicked me saying their names. " who do you think she is?"
"i don't know, i just have this feeling it's one of this girls. now you tell us who she is"
"okay fine fine, see you are the only person i share everything with right..."
"yeah but who she is"
"are wait, jumping like a monkey. what's so exciting about it? it's alizeh" he said with a fading blush on his face. he was quite shy to say this but it looked like that he had a better name in his mind and that is why i doubted when he said that.
my sisters celebrated this moment very well, this was their first time looking real person having a real crush on a real human, that's weird right. well it's mine also first time and then it's my really good friend, it's "sid" i am happy, I AM HAPPY OKAY. i just want sid to feel good all the time and if he likes alizeh than i guess my decision of staying away from him was right and the answer to my question was NO, SID DOES NOT FEEL ANYTHING FOR ME, it was alizeh all this time, it was her and never me. it was never me, will never be. as much this shattered me but my whole attention was on the statement where he said, "you are the only person i share everything with..." it was much more important for me to be his "always there" rather being his "it's her", atleast at thi point, yes. this ensured me that he atleast see me as a friend rather than not being known at all, a very good friend atleast or maybe superior to many, who knows.
but there's still something that's pricking me deep within, i don't really know what it is but for sure i could see it more clearly on his face than on mine.
maybe he looks like this because that thing happened again, after all it's quite common in both of ours family so that could be a possible reason for his "quite not happy" kinda expression and not the same thing that i feel, who knows?
"oyy miss monkey, you are the one who will set me up with her", said my dancing disaster.
"sure..." why not...
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