INFINITY...? 1-the tragedy

15. A PROMISE UNTOLD

His bewitching beauty filled me with colors I didn't want to see. My body has fallen weak on the wall, and all I want right now is him to teach me things I don't know, to help me identify what's developing in here. 

It's no longer about a kiss; it's not just in his presence. It is about consuming him the same way he consumes me. It is about the tension outgrown so much that from my soul, it filled my body, and now it's leaving my flesh and wants to penetrate his. 

I licked my lower lip and rubbed my skin to get warm; I was getting cold shivers. 

Too much overthinking and daydreaming for the day. But one thing I know is, Ugh!!! He-is-freaking-hot!

This boy, who plays a double role in my life as my best friend and love interest, has immense charms. Enough for a girl to get seduced just by his sexy eye gaze thingy. I'm not sure I'm not the one.

I remembered what my parents were talking about him and his family when they were in the car.

"sid is a nice boy, a perfect brother also," mama laughed.

"surely very nice of a kid, but he will grow into something like his dad. Sid is a clone to his dad in terms of looks and mindset; he has got a hundred percent chance to be a violent and heartbreaking husband someday", daddy answered.

Mumma interfered, "just like you," she said. "and what's wrong there?" papa asked her, "if a woman does not satisfy a man or does what a wife is supposed to do, then it is normal for her husband to be a lot too extreme to her and also to seek satisfaction somewhere else.

A very Indian man answered. My parents have always mistaken me for sleeping when the reality is, I'm always hearing them discussing my father's fake manliness and my mama's very enfeeblement. 

I focused back on this sexy piece of art sitting ahead of me.

Sid happened to see me at this very time. Ohh, did he sense what's going on in my mind just like I do? Does he know I was fancying him? Oh, that'd be fun; I know he'd tease me.

"hey, sis, what are you doing alone over there? Come, let's go downwards and accompany our parents."

error-------- EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

fancying him is not a real thing, dhvani, and anyways, this little monkey is your so-called brother and, my dear, seems to be sooo happy with the title. So go and sleep, sweety, and congratulations on your first "experience." 

Self laughed at me here. Error ------ "sis?" what the hell does he think he is? a fucking brother? And who made him that? Idiot. I don't want to think about him anymore. I want my peace. We're not thinking about him anymore. WE'LL TRY OUR BEST NOT TO THINK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE.

We all headed downstairs, where all the elderly people of the family were gathered, and I don't know why but my parents were also there. This didn't seem a problem until we reached halfway down the stairs and heard Chirag's uncle and his brother's loud voices. They were both probably fighting. The issue was about some ritual sid's uncle was supposed to do but didn't do and also blamed it all on sid's dad being the elder son of the family but not limited to that, the reason they were shouting at each other was Mrs. kotadiya bringing sid and his mom's name in the fight for no reason. When the uncle tried defending their name, his brother got offended and mocked it into a big argument. My parents were trying to control it from Chirag uncle's side, along with sid's mom.

I couldn't ignore Siddharth's reaction there. He seemed to be so 'used to' with this entire thing. It looked like Freya was familiar too and stood by sid's side playing his moral support, which relieved me. I turned towards the argument to analyze the situation, which kind of amused me, not in a good way, obviously.

The words coming out of that room were nothing of an average family dispute; they echoed a massive family scam. 

None-of-my-business is the exact way I should calculate it. But, my too much sidhharthish mind had this passionate, indestructible desire to dig deep into it as if I'm going to marry him in a couple of years. 

I managed to control my urge till they all calmed down. My dad came out from there, and I asked him, "everything all right, papa?"

"no, dear, but it's okay. Mr.Chirag seems to be familiar with such problems and will surely sort it out."

"Is he alright?"

"no, but he's okay too. He knows what to do. He's a smart guy, and probably his heart had accepted what's happening."

"What?"

"Nothing, none of your business. have you ever played with a frog?"

"NONE-OF-MY-BUSINESS" I know, dad, but what should I do? WAIT for WHAT, "a frog?"

He picked up a frog, took my hand, and placed it on my wrist. That thing jumped out of my hand and on my hair and my hand and then on the window. I danced along with the frog. Sid laughed so hilarious that I started laughing at his laugh. by this time, he had tears in his eyes, and I stopped laughing. Without changing a single line on his face, he went inside the living room, laughing at me. The pain he hid froze me. I was indeed too young to know such complicated emotions and expressions, but I could entirely mirror him with my eyes, even if it happened unknowingly.

Broken sid looks like a red rose. Regretful and filled with sorrow, dark and lost. People might see him as a symbol of charm, love, and affection, but he presents a life full of thorns curtained under beauty's lies. 

My family headed to the lawn when we were all trying to agree on a plan to spend our night in this town.

Mama asked used to visit her best friend who married years ago and moved with his husband to Rajkot, which was a few hour's drive from here. Daddy suggested the same as they were all teenage besties. My mum and her best friend dated their current husbands together when they were in their late teens. The girls used to lie to their families, hang out with their partners on the beach, and explore cities together. Mumma shares all these memories with a unique joy on her face, a kind I never see otherwise. I really wonder how their relationship chaperoned them into such an unpleasant situation. 

IS IT TOO HARD TO KEEP UP WITH LOVE? CAN A FEELING SO BEAUTIFUL FADE SO EASILY? WHAT COULD OUTWEIGH IT, WHAT IN THIS WORLD IS QUALIFIED ENOUGH TO OUTWEIGH 'LOVE'? WHAT?

I was right about sid when I saw him first. He is just like an ocean; beautiful, mysterious, and deadly, and he also has depths and darkness, but this time I don't feel scared of those; as much as his cheerful and heart-pleasing personality entranced me, I am down for his flaws and red flags. 

I developed this sense out of nowhere that I HAVE ARGUABLY CAME BEFORE A SITUATION, WITH TWO VERY INAPPROPRIATE OPTIONS FOR WHETHER I WOULD KEEP PROGRESSING TOWARDS THIS DARK PATH ENGRAVED WITH THORNS HIDDEN UNDER ROSE PETALS OR WILL I RIP MY HEART AND REMOVE HIM FROM MY MIND. 

I could only think of one thing, 

'IF LOVE IS TRULY SO DELIGHTFUL, WHY DOES IT END IN VICIOUS BATTLES AND CHAOTIC HEARTBREAKS? WHERE IN THIS WORLD DO WE HAVE AN ESCAPE FOR HEALING THE SCARS LOVE LEFT.'

Even if it is destined to end like a ship fighting the storms in the middle of a cold sea, I know it is never a regretful decision to sail through that sea. 

MAYBE I'LL SINK, BUT MAYBE I'LL CONQUER WHAT MY EXAMPLES COULDN'T. Even if I'm supposed to get hurt in the end, I would like to experiment.

I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE, HOW IT FEELS TO FEEL. And I'm not going back; if sid is filled with the darkness, I'll go into the dark too. If he has to be a thorn, I'll bear every pain he gives. If he is to be deadly, I'll present my life to him. 

I might not know a lot but what I know is the feeling. I know what I feel, and I know I know sid.

Maybe not his favorite colour or his past life; perhaps I don't know how he reacts and cries, but I know I know him better than anybody else, and he knows this too.

What I see right now is all foggy, and I would like to walk down this fog, and I genuinely don't know why. I might sound like a fool, but I'm doing it and definitely doing it.

 Sid, if something makes you cry, it should be your parent's tantrums and nothing else. You deserve nothing less than what you deserve. 

You deserve nothing less than what you dream of, love.