people often ask me how love feels like, i could simply answer them that the definition of love is different for everyone, not just for different stories but also for two people falling for each other, the perspectives for love can be so different t...
white curtains, dim blue lights. this the same dream i see very often, since i was ten or something i guess. there comes a man who tries kissing me, pampers me and i refuse in shyness. the moonlight reflects directly on his face, maybe that is why i cannot see him. deep within i want to kiss him too but i don't know who he is, i tried so many faces but none of them fits. i still walked in the bedroom, he was still there... waiting for me like he does in every dream. he's always standing there waiting for me and when i walk in, he'd run his hands through my hair and whisper something, i cannot hear that too. his touch is so soft and his actions so loving. this is my comfort dream, i've always believed someday i'll find this man and this dream will actually come true. he's my 911 to all the daddy issues and depression. i'd just simply close my eyes and he'll come hear me, tell me that i'm lovable and i don't know why, i trust him, i trust everything he tell me.
"hi"
"hie, you're still here?"
"i've always been"
"what if you leave me someday, don't make me so dependent on you. i don't wanna cry on a dream."
"you will cry over me, you'll laugh with me, you'll fall in love with me. dhvani, you've got no escape from this."
hehe, even he don't know i've found someone a lot better than my dreams. a boy who... "siddharth?"
"hmm... i told you you've got no escape"
"what are you doing in my dream? man can you leave one place. i'm so done with you, everywhere i go everything i do, you have to be a part of it. it's too much sid."
"yeah yeah, i annoy you or maybe i should say, i don't annoy you enough. isn't that the reason you're mad at me dhvani pandya? you want all my attention and the fact is that you were thinking about me right now."
"i-i , i was not thinking about you. stop ruining my comfort dream."
"dhvani come on, you wanna fight with me. even in your dreams."
"I WILL KEEP FIGHTING WITH YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER, BE IT DREAM OR REALITY OR DRAMA."
"YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS WIN" he said with a smirk.
"no you won't." he came near just like always, his hands ran through my hair and he came closer to whisper...
"now does the face fit?"
i walked back, i've never felt this ever before. siddharth can't be the person i was longing for, i don't want him there. this is wrong, this is not something i should be doing. he takes me as a very good friend, maybe more like his younger sister. "i wanna go back... i should leave"
"dhvani... i feel the same for you"
"no he don't, siddharth don't feel anything for you dhvani pandya. stop doing to yourself, stop being an idiot. this will go no far, siddharth is better to be with aliz and not with you so for god's sake SHUT THE FUCK UP. no such thoughts. shut up..."
"dhvani?"
"no, i don't wanna be here, i don't want you to do this to me"
"dhvani?"
"just go"
"sis?"
"huh?" my eyes suddenly opened when i heard sid's voice converting into a girls voice, a voice lot familiar to me. "heer, vinnie?"
"sis, you're alright? had a nightmare again?"
ughh, not a nightmare but nothing less than that. THIS BOY IS GETTING ON MY NERVES AND IN MY BLOOD AND THROUGH MY SOUL, HE'S RIPPING ME OFF. I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE FEELING BUT ALL I KNOW IS, THE FIRE WITHIN ME IS BURNING TOO HIGH. IF I DON'T STOP IT NOW, IT WILL BURN ME INTO ASHES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT DESTRUCTION IT WILL BRING BUT SID IS LESS OF RAIN MORE OF THUNDER IN MY LIFE. HE'S GONNA BRING ME ENDLESS STORMS AND IRREPAIRABLE DAMAGE. "no i think i'm fine. i'm quite used to my dreams now." no i'm not used to this, siddharth is the only thing happened to me in all these years which i cannot handle. i've this strange feeling that i'm going into something that's gotta loop for years. SOMETHING THAT WILL CHANGE MY LIFE, FOR GOOD OR BAD I DON'T KNOW BUT I KNOW I'M ALREADY INTO IT. he was right, I'VE GOT NO ESCAPE.
"motiben, you know something?" heer asked me with a weird excitement on her face. she has got the brightest eyes and she is so classicaly beautiful, she has got that aura of a historic queen and for which i'm a big fan of hers. also in the family everyone believes she share my spirit and is a mirror image of mine, so i'm quite excited to see this girl grow into a woman and be a real queen. less or more i feel very similar about each of my girls when i envision their future, all this ladies are gonna be total queenies and i'll sit in the first row clapping for them ALWAYS AND FOREVER. they're like my babies to me, even though i haven't actually done something worth calling them my kids but still, i've that motherly side for them which i know will represent itself someday.
"nopes, how would i know until you don't tell me love."
heer's eyes shined brighter and dialated twice it's size, i knew what she was gonna say. I KNOW YOU LIKE SIDDHARTH, okay! i'm prepared... she's about to say and i'll quickly come up with a bigg no and an excuse, here she go... "you were calling siddharth bhaiya while you were sleeping."
"no, i was..." WHAT, i was calling his name out loud while i was sleeping?
"are you were. to be honest, this is not the first time you were calling his name while sleeping, i heard your mom talking to dadi about you calling his name quite often while sleeping. like almost everyday and grandma also agreed as she've heard you too. they were quite worried about you doing this in front of your dad."
fuck my ass. mom and grandma both know about me dreaming of sid every night. I DREAM ABOUT HIM, EVERY NIGHT AND I DIDN'T KNEW THIS TILL NOW. bigger trauma, everybody else know this. oh god, are you taking a revenge for ignoring you for years? please bro, atleast not my family, how embarrassing i feel right now. i don't know how to face them. ughh...
"i don't know why i was calling his name, maybe he'd have pop up in some dreams where someone was trying to kill me and i was calling for help."
"ohh, i see... this looks like a valid reason" heer said.
"what do you mean by valid reason, this is the most obvious reason sister. what else could be."
"you know what, don't lie", vinnie said. she sent heer out of the room, her actions gave me low blood pressure, she's definitely gonna say something i don't want to hear. vinnie and i were like partners in crime as kids, she know a bit too well about me. i, ruchu and vinnie share equal parts of each other, we three together can solve a theory of newton without applying it's own laws and can decode the mystery of hogwarts within a night.
"what is a lie here?"
"i'm observing you and sid since a while now, you guys like each other?"
"we what? no, why would we?"
"you do. i don't know if you're lying or just unaware about your own feelings but you and sid like each other."
"vinnie, sid likes alizeh."
"he likes you"
vinnie left the room and i can now hear the loudness in silence. her statement for "i like him" didn't quite absorb into me but her statement about "he likes me" hit me like a bullet. i want this to be a dream too cus i don't know how to behave.
ALEXA PLAY MUSICAL VERSION OF "MERE HAATH MEIN" and i'm going towards a cliff, i wanna jump down a clifffff. ughhh...
oh the sky... seems like sun finally surrendered to moon, sunrise is literally the prettiest time of day... it comes with hope, love and lot's of sunshine. i forgot to mention the fresh air. altogether they say, dhvani pandya, GO GET IT.
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