INFINITY...? 1-the tragedy

23. A SPRING EVENING 2.0 ♥

"what were you talking about at school?"

"i-i.." I was not talking about anything, dumbass; I was the one who didn't say anything all this time. Or probably you should ask if whatever everybody said at the school was true. I just took a quick look at him and turned my face back to the beautiful white walls of his living room.

"tell me," he blushed; his cheeks were pinker than his crush revealed about aliz. His eyes were filled with some magic potion, and his entire face lit up. Even this conversation felt like something meant to happen to me in every universe. he picked a science companion to read for the test tomorrow.

Everything happened now, bold, capitalized, and italicized in my head. I felt nothing at all, no thoughts on mind, this version of dhvani is the most righteous one, a form purer than fire.

I braved myself; IF NOT TODAY, IF NOT FOR THIS GUY, THEN WHEN? FOR WHOM? 

LOVE ALWAYS REQUIRE FOR ONE TO GET OUT OF THEIR COMFORT ZONE, TO GATHER THE COURAGE AND FIGHT AGAINST EVERYTHING KEEPS YOU AWAY FROM THEM, EVEN YOURSELF. THAT IS HOW YOU GET IT DONE RIGHT.

I was so nervous that I lost my ability to speak for a moment; I couldn't form words and couldn't get them out of my throat. He put down the book and picked up his phone. He looked a lot confused. I looked at him and looked down again,

"I would tell you, but promise me you won't hit me after that" this one sentence of mine had a hundred shades of dhvani hidden.

I presented my soul to him at this moment. My biggest fear for my relationship and situation to turn like my mama and papa's, my fear of accepting myself and inability to speak up for myself, my habit of holding myself back, my fear of losing him, my fear of losing myself to a man in terms of respect, everything, everything was evident in this sentence. Whatever I said meant, ' Sid, I'm fighting everything I've always run from just to get a step closer to you, to love you.'

All the battles I was struggling hard to fight, I conquered them all to show you what true love is; this is how much I love you, do you?

I covered my face with my hands which subconsciously presented how scared I was, yet, my whole life on a gunpoint, I tilted my head downwards and looked at the floor from the middle of my fingers; he looked at me the very way I wanted to like this is the thing he's been waiting for, this moment,

"I LOVE YOU, DO YOU?"

fvck, I said that. I told him that I loved him. I broke more than half of the barriers in my life when I did that. I unwrapped my tokens of sadness, cowardness, fear, conservedness, everything that was built as a base of my depression and despair. Things accumulated in me over the years and shed them all like dust out of my flesh.

I took a deep breath to surmount, still having my hands placed in the same way around my face.

"let me ask naman first."

WHAT THE FVCK!!! This guy can talk so stupid at times. He picked up his phone and tried calling naman, but he didn't seem to answer; I don't know if they conversed on texts or something. My stomach was tied in a knot after I did this; I wanted to hit him, run back home, and keep shut behind my room doors for weeks. I was literally on the verge of panicking when he said,

"come closer if you want an answer." I didn't look at him but slid a bit towards his side of the couch; he was sitting on the other couch.

"more closely" I slid a bit and then got up and sat on the other end of the couch he was sitting on.

"closer," he said

"I am already close enough to you," I objected.

"you want an answer or not?"