Her lips; an ART

Chapter 2

TW: Self harm

Yvaine's POV

Ilang araw na akong hindi makakilos ng maayos. I don't why I'm acting up again. I asked my teachers to have a special assignment because I really can't stand up. Dad's not around for the last week, though he asked my cousin to look out for me. Jill is the one who cooks for me. Tolerable naman yung lasa ng mga luto niya so I think it's fine.

I was clinically diagnosed with depression and I can say that this is one of those days. I feel like I'm at a deep hole again. Wanting to feel something even though I know it'd hurt me. As cliché as it seems, pain makes me alive. It gives me feelings... it's like a temporary medicine.

Agad kong tinago ang blade na hawak ko nung marinig ko ang mahihinang katok galing sa labas. I immediately wiped the fresh blood coming from the wound I made in my wrist. Nung hindi ko kaya itong maitago ay dali dali akong kumuha ng band aid. I fixed my messy hair and wiped my face, leaving with no trace of tears.

"What do you need?" I asked Jill as I opened my door.

"Kumain ka daw sabi ni tito.. he'd be home later"

Inabot niya saakin ang isang tray na may lamang sopas at tubig. Beside them is a capsule. I didn't want to take anything. Ayoko pang kumalma. I wanna feel this.

"I want something sweet, you're not a good baker. I'll order something" I said without looking at him.

Mabilis kong inabot yung tray at sinaraduhan siya ng pintuan. I heard him cussed. Naipit ko siguro yung paa niya. I felt something when I banged  the door. Maybe it was his foot.

"Putangina, Yvaine Aysha!" his curses are loud.

I immediately ordered a box of chocolate cake in the app. Pinilit ko ang sariling kainin yung sopas na binigay niya. It's hot and salty. Wala naman akong karapatang magreklamo kasi ako naman yung pinagsisilbihan niya. I just know he'll have something in return. Pag uwi ni dad. Mahilig naman yun mangsuhol.

When my phone rang, I went downstairs to get my order. Pagkalabas ko ng gate ay wala pa yung rider but he told me he's nearby na. I looked at the house in the left side. I saw Kale getting a box of pizza from the rider. Not caring about how I look right now, I went straight to the delivery guy and ask if he was the one who have my order.

"Hi... ikaw din ba yung tumawag kanina?" I didn't smile nor look at the person beside me.

"Ay opo ma'am! Sorry po ah... inuna ko po si ma'am kasi madadaanan lang pala" nagkamot yung rider ng ulo.

I nodded, maintaining my straight face. I looked at Kale who's busy watching me. Nung makitang nakatingin ako ay agad  niyang iniwas ang kaniyang mga mata.

I raised an eyebrow, "Grumpy ka ngayon ate ah" puna niya.

"Do you care," I rolled my eyes.

"Luh! Si ate hindi mabiro.."

Hindi ko siya pinansin at hinintay nalang yung sukli at maiabot ni kuya yung cake saakin. Sa sobrang inip ko ay hindi ko na hinintay yung limang daan na sukli. I just snatched the box out of the rider's hand and walked away.

"Ate!" that was Kale's voice. I stopped and looked back. "Mas lalo kang gaganda kung hindi ka masungit," she pouted.

I smiled, "Maganda na ako kahit masungit ako! Duh.." inirapan ko siya at mabilis na naglakad papasok ng bahay.

I bit my lower lip when I realized I was smiling widely. Jill even saw it. Nahulog tuloy mula sa bunganga niya yung kinakain niyang sopas.

"Ang baboy!" I yelled.