*this is a kind of heavy chapter which discusses sensitive but very real topics in depth. feel free to skip this chapter as it is mainly just the two characters getting to know more about each other. if you have any concerns then message me on here and i'll reply as quickly as i can*
YOUR POV
I have nothing to lose. Amelia told me about her feelings for me so I can wear shorts around her. The shorts kind of cover some of the scars anyway.
- y/n : You can turn around
- Amelia : You look beautiful. You had nothing to worry about
- y/n : Thanks, so do you
- Amelia : Ahh, is Doctor Jones flirting?
Am I?
- Amelia : Oh stop worrying. Just sit down so we can watch the film
- y/n : Do you have a charger I can borrow?
- Amelia : Yeah, pass your phone here
- y/n : Thanks
Amelia has chosen a pretty good film. I'm kind of leaning on her so I can see the TV but as far as I know, she doesn't mind. We finish the first film and are still pretty awake so put on a second one but we talk instead of really watching it.
- Amelia : Can I ask you a personal question?
- y/n : Yeah
- Amelia : Who's Lewis?
- y/n : Lewis is my older brother by 8 years. It goes Scott, Lewis then me.
- Amelia : Where is Lewis? He wasn't around when Winnie was in hospital and you don't talk about him
- y/n : He was the drug addict. He got addicted at like 16 and it was really shitty on his mental health.
- Amelia : What happened?
- y/n : On my 8th birthday I found Lewis in his bed, he had overdosed, intentionally, when I found him he still had the needle in his arm. I was barley 8, I didn't understand. I called for my Dad's and they pushed me out the room. Scott picked me up and held me while I cried because my Dad's were angry at me. I didn't realise Lewis was dead until the paramedics were wheeling him out in a body bag. We don't talk about it, like with my Dad's. Me and Scott go to visit him but my Dad's act like he never existed and I guess it's easier that way for them. No one ever wants to lose a child
- Amelia : Oh fuck
- y/n : When I think about it, he showed so many signs. He gave me all his records and his record player. He took me out for ice-cream a few days before and told me he'd always love me. I probably could've stopped him if I knew what was happening but I was a kid. I knew something was up but never knew he was going to kill himself
- Amelia : It's not your fault
It took Jack forever to hear this and I'm just telling Amelia like it's nothing. Amelia looks at me, like really looks at me, more then Jack ever did the whole time we were together.
- y/n : Tell me about Derek and your Dad
- Amelia : My Dad was great. Like you, always wanted to see the best in people and gave second chances. He died in a robbery when I was 5, gunshot to the head because he refused to give away his watch because my Mom had saved up for ages to buy it. Derek was like you too, well kind of. He was so big headed which got in the way. He died in a car accident because one of the doctors didn't do the right tests. It's just me, my sisters and my Mom now
- y/n : I'm sorry
- Amelia : Why're you sorry?
- y/n : I don't know. I just am
- Amelia : I guess we're both kind of fucked up
- y/n : That's one way to put it
She provides me so much comfort. I feel safe with her.
AMELIA'S POV
I've got my hand on Y/n's thigh to comfort her but it feels like more. I want it to be more.
- Amelia : How'd you get the scars on your thigh?
- y/n : I blamed myself for Lewis committing suicide so thought I deserved to be punished. It was my way of punishing myself
- Amelia : It's not your fault. He made the choice to do the drugs that killed him. He was in pain and saw no other way
- y/n : I know that now but 10 year old me couldn't help but blame myself
- Amelia : You were 10 when you did this?
- y/n : Some of them. I spent so long blaming myself. It was only when I was a resident that I started to heal from his death. Until then I just kept it all bottled up as guilt and expressed that through hurting myself
- Amelia : You didn't deserve that at such a young age. You didn't deserve that at all
- y/n : You didn't deserve to lose your father so young or lose your brother
- Amelia : Thank you for asking about them. A lot of people don't.
- y/n : Thank you for asking about Lewis
Every time I'm this close to her I find myself lost in her eyes. They're mesmerising and I know it sounds cliché but they are. Her eyes tell so many stories and all I want to do is hear every single one of them.
- Amelia : Is now a bad time to ask you to kiss me?
- y/n : You really want me to?
- Amelia : Yes please
So here she is, straddling my lap with her hands either side of my face, kissing me. I've got my hands on her thighs, still touching the scars showing the years in which she blamed herself for something out of her control. They make me wonder how much I really know Y/n because she's not the bright happy woman I thought. She has a dark side and that comes with secrets and I want to hear them all. I want to know everything about her.
- y/n : Give me a second. I need to breathe
- Amelia : Your so beautiful. These scars don't change that
- y/n : You're amazing Amelia Shepherd
- Amelia : You're not too bad yourself Y/n Jones
She's so not straight.
YOUR POV
She looks at me. There's nothing else I could ask for in life other then to be looked at. To have someone memorise every scar, every mole, every dimple on my skin. Just why my boss? Why her and why me of all people? And why now of all times?
Authors Note
Have a drink and a
snack please
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