Tears | [BoyxBoy] | English

32

'Shanalka Samarasinghe?'

A nurse asked me as I stood shivering in front of the emergency department. Although I was flustered due to the cold and headache, I nodded yes to her. The nurse looked at me with pitying eyes. I stared at her, though I could not understand her gaze.

The door opened behind the nurse and a trolley was pushed out. The nurse glanced at it and at me. I stared at her.

'Sorry mister... we couldn't save him. His head was badly damaged.' She said slowly and I watched as the white cloth-covered trolley pulled past me.

'Where is my Shanalka?' I asked the nurse.

She looked around nervously. 'His body is now in the mortuary. If you can, go and get his info-'

Nothing she said after that caught my ear. I fell to the ground. I felt everything around me blur. I sat on the floor with my head between my legs.

I felt as empty as the day Mehansa left me. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I didn't want to do anything. All the sounds of the hospital mixed and filled me and I just sat there because I didn't want to do anything.

'Ayya...'

It was Yeheni's voice. I looked up at her. Her face was full of bite marks and assault marks, but she did not seem to have cried. She extended her hand to me.

'Get up... We won't see him again even though we cry. Now get up and let's do what we have to do.'

Her voice broke during the last few words, saying that she too was in unbearable grief. I looked at her hand but I didn't want to get up. Yeheni looked at me without saying anything. I hid my head between my hands again.

'get up!' Yeheni said quite strongly at that time. There was frustration mixed with anger in her voice. I looked at her for a while and stood up.

She put her hand on my forehead and checked my fever. 'You go to the OPD and get some medicine. Now the police will come. I'm going to the mortuary.'

As she walked past me, I stared at her in shock. Her body said she was so hurt that she couldn't even walk, but her acting as if nothing happened filled me with wonder and fear. I remembered how she was like nothing even when her mother raped her. When I stood on shaky legs and went to a nearby nurse and asked her where the outpatient department was, she told me that I was not allowed to go anywhere until the police arrived.

I sat on a nearby chair with trembling legs and a trembling heart. My hands were red around the wrists because my hands had been tied tightly by the attackers. Seeing those injuries reminded me again that I was going to die instead of Shanalka.

I felt my eyes fill with tears again, but I bit my lip, thinking of Yeheni. Even though she was a girl, being stronger than me made me feel weak. No matter how much I tried to control myself, I was crying again within moments. I could feel people walking around the hospital looking at me, but I couldn't stop crying. About fifteen minutes later, Yeheni came to me again and sat next to me.

'Crying won't do anything good.' She said rudely running her fingers through my hair.

'That's my boyfriend!' I replied with a sneeze on the other side.

Yeheni sighed. 'Did you forget that he is my brother? I lived with him for twenty-one years?'

I started to cry again. Yeheni rested my head on her lap as I felt my breath catch in my nose and the taste of the salvia in my mouth. I felt the familiarity of her fingertips running through my hair.

'Miss Samarasinghe?' Yeheni patted me to get my head off her lap when someone asked.

'Yes?'

'The police have come. You two have to go. The autopsy will be done soon.' Even so, a nurse looked down at me and looked at Yeheni nervously.

'Thank you, nurse.' Yeheni replied.

When I went to the police station and answered the question, I felt very scared. It was truly terrifying to relive all that had happened. As the feeling that I was the one to die instead of Shanalka once again took over my mind, I answered every question the police asked.

When I went to describe the abuse Yeheni suffered at the hands of my own father, I started to cry again without realizing it. I didn't even know that my own nangi was raped by my father and I had allowed the same thing to happen to Yeheni.

For the second time, I repeated the same mistake.

I couldn't believe that Shanalka was gone.

I had lost the man I loved the most for the second time.

I couldn't believe he wouldn't hug me again. Even thinking about it made me feel so empty. My entire being was filled with a strange feeling and the combination of extreme hunger and fever pains made my whole head spin.

After some time, I took the two Panadol tablets brought by a police officer with a cup of tea and bit a piece of bun in my mouth, realizing that I was half conscious.

'Mr. Gamage?' I looked up when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

'You and Miss Samarasinghe can go now. A police car will drop you both off. Two police officers will be at your house tonight. We cannot leave you and Miss Samarasinghe alone until we find the people related to this. We will talk about this again tomorrow morning.'

I nodded to the police officer, but I realized that I didn't understand half of what he said, I nodded and walked toward Yeheni. Her eyes showed a mixture of tiredness and exhaustion. When I walked up to her, she grabbed my hand.

'Let's go?'

I was looking at her. I couldn't find anything to say.

I gave Yeheni the full weight of my body and turned to her, letting her control me as she pleased.

I followed Yeheni into the police car, remembering that Shanalka, who had been with me in the same bed for six years, was no longer by my side.

___________

TEARS

2022. 08. 05