Tears | [BoyxBoy] | English

43

As time passed without us noticing, we quietly settled into our schedule. Yeheni had started designing her design course again. I took over both my business and Shanalka's business. Even though Yeheni and I lived in the same house, we were in our own worlds. She didn't say a word to me and I didn't ask her anything to avoid embarrassment. I could tell that whatever my fault was, it was unforgivable because of the bruises on Yeheni's cheeks haven't faded after three months has passed. When she goes somewhere, she applied some makeup on her scars so she could cover them up. Makeup didn't do any injustice to her beauty.

One Sunday I was curled up in bed scrolling up and down on my phone screen because it was still too early to eat breakfast. I didn't want to get out of bed because of the comfort under the covers. After a while, I heard someone knocking on my door. I put the phone aside and sat on the bed. 'Come in.'

Yeheni opened the door and entered the room. In her hand was a white paper. She too was as pale as paper and her eyes were wide as if she had seen something scary. As soon as I got out of bed and stood up, Yeheni came to me. Before I could even imagine what had happened, Yeheni slapped my cheek.

I froze for a moment and stared at her. Yeheni handed me the paper in her hand with a dead look. I picked it up and read it. It was only after reading it that I realized that the reason she attacked me was justified.

She was pregnant for the second time.

I realized that it was my fault. I stared at her speechless. Yeheni looked at me for a moment and suddenly sat on the floor and started crying. I stood and watched as her cheeks became wet with tears. After thinking for about two minutes, I bent down and sat next to Yeheni.

'Yesh.'

Yeheni did not look up. She buried her head between her own legs and let out a cry. I couldn't think of anything to say and tried to put my hand on her head but she slapped my hand away and started hitting me.

'You...' That was the first word she spoke to me for these three months. 'You killed Mehansa! You killed my brother! You killed my child! And now want to kill me too?'

'Yeheni!' I bit my cheek and called her name.

'I fucking hate you. I regret my decision to stay in this house with you. If I had been with my mother, at least my life could have been saved. It is true that my mother rapes me at least five times a week. But at least the mother would not have killed my child. I regret that my ayya loved you. He had to die because of you. I regret that you were Mehansa's ayya. If you weren't there, Mehansa would still be alive. Everywhere you went, there was only bad luck, Miniru!'

She scolded me in one breath and started breathing fast. I remembered how Mehansa had also scolded me like this and breathed fast.

'nangi,'

'What more do you want!' Yeheni yelled again. 'You knew that I enjoy doing the design course. Why then did you do such a thing to me? How can I go to the campus when I'm pregnant? I wanted to spend the night with a girl. Now that too is gone! Only bad things happened to me because of you, Miniru. I HATE YOU MINIRU.'

Yeheni clenched her fist and hit my chest continuously. I closed my eyes and let her strike as she pleased. It was only after I realized that Yeheni's words were true that my chest began to hurt. Everywhere I went there was only misery. Mehansa would have had a better life if not there wasn't me. Yeheni would have been happier if Shanalka had been alive. My brain insisted that leaving Yeheni alone was a mistake even though I needed to kill myself. I knew that I had to accept my mistake and take care of her.

Satisfied with the beating, Yeheni leaned against my body and began to weep. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her.

'I'm sorry nangi. I promise I won't leave you.'

Yeheni did not answer. Picking up the medical report from the floor, I sighed and put my hand under Yeheni's back, and lifted her onto the bed. Yeheni's loose gray shirt was slightly pulled up, so I could see her stomach protruding slightly. As Yeheni curled up between the sheets, I placed the medical record on the drawer table and sat next to her. Yeheni didn't look at me. As my heart filled with guilt, I placed my hand on Yeheni's head and began to stroke her hair gently. I could see again the bruises on her cheeks due to her tears washing off the ointment she had applied to her cheeks.

I thought for a while and let out the few words that were stuck in my heart. 'We can abort the baby if you want.'

Yeheni sat up on the bed as if electrocuted. Her eyes were full of anger.

'Are you crazy?' She pulled my shirt. 'Are you a monster to kill that poor child? He is YOUR child!'

'It's a mistake Yeheni!' I pulled her hand away from my shoulder.

Yeheni looked at me frantically. 'You made that mistake! If my father had told my mother the same thing you said, I wouldn't be here today! You are a heartless monster!'

Her words managed to exceed my tolerance limit. I grabbed her by the neck and pinned her down on the bed. Yeheni struggled to remove my hand from her neck. Yeheni's eyes closed as I tightened my grip. I realized she was trying to breathe but she couldn't escape my grip.

'Uh...' she said awkwardly. 'The child... Ah!'

Yeheni tried to remove my hands with her fingers.

'The child will die.' She finally completed the sentence.

As Yeheni's face turned red, I remembered Mehansa hanging from the fan eight years ago. By seeing Yeheni's face, I could understand the pain of suffocating. I remembered that I had read in the newspapers that hanging was the most painful way to commit suicide. I could only imagine the agony Mehansa must have gone through in her final moments.

Yeheni's neck was twisted by my hand. The next moment I started wailing and crying. Memories of Mehansa were killing me. I remembered that she must have been waiting for me at home. I wondered what would have happened if I hadn't been late that day.

I felt how much pain she must have gone through in the last moments.

I felt like my throat getting stuck. I pressed my mouth to the mattress and cried. I wanted to release the pain that was burning through my body.

My whole body started shaking, but I calmed down because Yeheni hugged me.

'It's all right...' she murmured softly.

I rested my head on her chest and listened to her heartbeat. It slowly calmed me down and the next moment I fell asleep on her lap.

_______

TEARS

2022. 08.  10

Le me who translates this even though no one reads it-