Tears | [BoyxBoy] | English

34

I stepped into a club for the first time in my life. Yeheni was still in the hospital and I couldn't think of anything to do, so I decided to step into a club I happened to see. The guard at the gate looked at me as if I looked like a minor.

I handed him my national identity card. After looking at it for a while, he opened the door, letting me in. I sighed and stepped into the new world filled with sound. The great hall was filled with purple light and people were dancing everywhere as if there was no other world outside of them. I felt out of place, but I didn't want to go out.

I went to the bar and sat on a cushioned bench and put my hands on the counter. I felt the girl sitting next to me looking down at me, but I kept looking ahead as if I didn't see it. She got up from her seat and came behind me and put her arms around my chest. I did nothing and tried to pretend I didn't notice. When her chin rested on my shoulder, I looked away to avoid the smell of alcohol on her breath.

'What's your name baby' she asked as I slung my shoulders and tried to pry her chin away from my body.

When her fingers tried to go under my shirt, I slapped her hand. 'I'm gay!' I told her in a threatening voice.

After a while, I realized that everyone's attention was on me because I had said it quite loudly. The girl left my body. I sat back on the seat and rested my head on my hands.

'Excuse me.' It was the voice of a young man.

I turned my head. For a moment I was scared because that young man looked like Sahesh. After a while I realized that he was not Sahesh.

'Shall I sit here?' He asked pointing to a chair on the other side of me. I nodded my approval.

He sat down on the seat and looked at me for a while. 'I heard you say you're gay. I'm gay too. My friend went dancing with his girl so I am alone at the time. Shall we talk?'

I looked at him with a troubled look. He smiled. My heart fluttered as his smile resembled Sahesh in every way.

'Shall we dance?' he asked, extending his hand to me. I stared at him for a while. He was taller than me and claimed a slim but strong appearance. I put my hand on his arm. My hand looked very girlish compared to his hand.

He helped me up from the seat and put his arm around my waist. The young man rested his head on my shoulder and helped me dance, tapping my feet to the beat of the music.

'My father loved a boy. That person died. He died in front of my father. Dad says that I should love someone who loves me back.' He was leaning on my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair and looked at him for a while.

His smile was so beautiful that I stared at it for a while without blinking. Although his skin color was kind of dark, I could tell without a doubt that he ranked top among the handsome young men I had seen.

I just shook my head because I didn't want to fall in love with someone again. Shanalka had been dead for only four months. Yeheni was pregnant from the abuse that took place on the day of Shanalka's death. I didn't feel like I had the right to love someone else again while she was in pain. I closed my eyes and removed my hand from the young man's head. He looked at me as if he understood my change and I put my hand behind his neck again to prevent him from getting uncomfortable.

'So tell me about yourself.' He said, tugging at the hem of my shirt with his fingertips.

I sighed. 'I am Miniru Devanma. My boyfriend died four months ago. He was killed... his nangi was raped by those who killed him. Now that nangi is pregnant. I can't think of anything to do now.'

'I hope it all goes well soon.' The young man smiled at me. I looked at his face with eyes appreciating his smile.

'I am Tamil.' said the young man, surprising me. There was no change in his voice and his Sinhala pronunciation was perfect. I stared at him with wide eyes.

The young man smiled. 'I grew up with the Sinhalese since childhood. I had a B in Tamil subject. Although I am Tamil by birth, I cannot speak Tamil. Can barely string a sentence together.'

'that's it.' I said when I couldn't think of anything else to say.

'Shall we go out? I don't like clubs. I came here because my friend came.' He said after about ten minutes when the dance started to get a bit sloppy.

'Umm... let's go. There is a juice bar I know. Let's go and have something to drink. After Shanalka died, I didn't go to it.' I said quietly, forgetting for a moment that the young man did not know Shanalka.

'If you say so, let's go.' He smiled at me, took my hand and walked out the door of the club.

The street was full of night darkness and not a single star was visible in the sky. The light from the street lamps cast yellow shadows on the ground and my head was filled with an indescribable feeling. I felt a healthy warmth as the young man's long fingers wrapped around my hand.

'I am nineteen years old. How old are you?'

'I'm almost twenty-five. Are you still nineteen? I thought you were older than me. You are very tall.' I said lightly stroking his body.

It was only later that I remembered that I still did not know the young man's name. But he was regaling me with many pranks that happened at his school, so I delayed asking him about it.

It was nearly twelve o'clock at the night and the pub was closed, so we both sat on a step on the side of the road and hugged each other.

It was true that I didn't want to fall in love again, but I also didn't want to leave the warmth of this young man. I felt his caress as a solace in a difficult life.

'I'm glad to meet you.' I smiled and kissed his cheek.

The young man looked at me with smiling eyes and leaned in to plant a kiss on my lips. He didn't remove his lips and I let the strawberry taste in my mouth. I broke the kiss by lightly biting his cheek.

He smiled at me.

'Give me your number.' I said out of the blue without thinking further.

When he told me his phone number I noted it down on my phone.

'your name?'

The young man squeezed my hand.

'My name is Nethil Iyer.' 

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TEARS

2022. 08. 05