Heaven On Fire

Sixteen

I remembered the advice my mother gave the first time we gone to a cemetery visiting my late father. Around the grave were clusters of dead flowers. My eyes had been drawn immediately by it.

"There's nothing to be afraid about dying," My mother said. "It may end anyone but never the love that we are sharing with the people we love."

Even then, there's always something missing.

*****

That night we slept on the beach sands of Half Moon Bay, I was unable to brought Benjamin to our room. We're drunk to happiness of being together. Both of us curled up into each other. Until I was comfortable, no one slept.

In the middle of the night, I was dreaming about when papa helping me to made an improvised hut and a river in our garden. He was there, looking to the window inside the house. It was the way he looked when he was drunk sometimes.

"Anong ginagawa mo dyan, 'nak?" He said. Now, standing up in front of me.

I was sitting on the grass, looked up to him. "I'm trying to build a hut." I said.

My father shook his head softly. "You're doing it wrong. Let me teach you how."
"First, pretend that you are as if a real carpenter."

He smiled at me as he sticked four twigs on earth. I put the dried leaves above it. But raindrops began to fall. I stood up covered my head with my palm. As we are about to go inside, the rain fell hard. I held his hand pulled him as I ran into the rain. We showered in the rain instead. We were the two worst things to be.

My heart had beat widely as I watched him preparing our almusal. It was a salt-cured, dried white fish - a usual Antiguan breakfast imported from Trinidad and Guyana. He flaked it into pieces and sautéed with onions and peppers matched with hard-boiled egg, plantain, and basic salad.

Five minutes have passed. That could be accounted as wasted time of not exploring the island. Ilang minuto din ang lumipas bago binasag ni Benjamin ang katahimikan namin.

"Gusto mo maglakad-lakad tayo?" He asked. I simply nodded. He was sitting on a sofa next to me. Thankfully he wasn't seating nearer to me. This man wasn't exactly healthy or bad for my heart.

Umiiwas pa din ako tumingin sa mga mata niya kapag nagkakatinginan kami sa tuwing magkakatinginan kami kapag naglalakad. Pakiramdam ko kase matutunaw ako. Totoo nga sabi nila sa islang 'to. This is paradise on Earth. The food, music, weather, atmosphere. A literally heaven. I think I would fell in love with those beaches already. I wanted to spend a day just watching it and enjoying its beauty, peace, and tranquility.

He rubbed my hair. "Sino first kiss mo?" I was shocked on the question.

"Why are you asking?" I replied.

"Wala. Bigla lang akong na-curious." He said, shrugged his shoulders.

"You are aware na hindi ikaw ang first ko diba? To tell you the truth, kahit matagal kami nun eh hindi man lang nakaisa yun sa'kin maski halik," I sensed that he was listening so I continued.

"Then?"

"We broke up. Francis was the last before you. Pero hindi ko din siya pinayagang makahalik sa'kin," I explained.
"Reserve 'to para sa lalaking ihaharap ako sa altar' no."

Kumunot ang noo niya. "So it was me?"

I raised my eyebrows to him. "Yeah? Ano naman ngayon?" Pagsusuplada ko.

Nagkibit-balikat ito ulit. "Wala. Natanong ko lang eh."

"Tanong mo mukha mo. Tuwang-tuwa ka naman—"