Heaven On Fire

Seventeen

Nagising nalang ako na natagpuan ang sarili sa delivery room kasama si Benjamin. Hindi siya mapakali na ewan. Nahihilo na nga akong pagmasdan siyang nagpalakad-lakad. Parang siya pa ang mas kinakabahan kaysa sa akin eh. May hospital naman ang pamilya ni Benjamin dito. They donated it to the Antiguan Government. Kaya hinayaan siya ng doktor na mag-stay sa loob.

"Benjamin!" Sigaw ko sa kanya habang umiire. "Tangina mo talaga!"

Kitang-kita sa mukha niya ang pamumutla.

"Sorry na. Bibili kita ng kahit anong gusto mo after this," Patuloy pa din ang paghingi niya ng tawad. "Hindi ako aware na magiging ganyan kasakit 'to para sayo."

Ang sarap sakalin ni Benjamin nung time na yun.

"Mamatay ka na, Benjamin! Hayop ka!" I screamed, habang hinahawi niya ang buhok ko at hinahalik-halikan ang kamay ko.

Magsasalita pa sana ako pero bigla nagsalita yung doctor na nagpapaanak sa akin. "A little push for one last time!"

Napalupaypay ako matapos ang huling ire ko sa pagod. But when I heard the cry, I felt relieved. Nagkatinginan kami ni Benj had the same thoughts. Sino kayang kamukha niya?

"Doc?" Benjamin said.

Nginitian kami ng doktor. "Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Rivera," The doctor said. "It's a healthy baby girl!"

I smiled even though I was sweating too much. The baby was still covered with blood all over but I insisted to lay her in my arms. I could see the unprecedented happiness in Benjamin's eyes. As if his whole life he was in the process of becoming a father.

Pagkalabas namin ng delivery room, my mother in-law met us. Siya muna ang nagbantay sa akin para makalabas muna saglit si Benjamin.

The doctors said that I could fly after four days naman na. She was so beautiful. Benjamin and I decided to named the baby after an Irish-American Hollywood actress, Saoirse Ronan. In Ireland, that word means freedom. She free me, indeed.

The small hands of Saoirse wrapped around the fingers of Benjamin. Those small hands holding his fingers tightly. I caught him rubbing his eyes with his other hand. Then he rubbed her nose like a delicate lotus silk thread.

"Ang cute naman ng apo ko," Kinikilig na sabi ng mommy ni Benjamin.

Hindi na niya pinansin ito. Inihiga niya si Saoirse sa tabi ko na kinarga ko naman sa aking mga bisig. When I looked into her eyes, it softened.

"Thank you, Benj," I said. Hinaplos ko ang pisngi ng anak ko. "I can't believe she is this beautiful."

Nginitian ako ni Benjamin. "No. Thank you," He said. "For trusting me. I promise that I will take care of our daughter with all of my heart..." "And of course, you too."

"We will." I softly replied.

*****  

We arrived at Charlevoix safe and sound three days after. With the camera my late father gave me, I took dozens of candids of Saoirse. There were few photo developing studios left, mostly just stop doing business maybe because many people choose to upload their pictures to social media. I still preferred pictures on a frame rather than exposing it to public.

There are so many pictures that my husband forced me to choose which SD card I thought should be developed. I loved the way it triggers the flash of the Nikon P7100 marked a moment that had passed, one that had passed, one that would be gone forever except for a picture.

*****

On a summer in 2023, I turned to Francis and said:

"Have you ever kissed someone in the bayou?"