Heaven On Fire

Twenty

Benjamin's father's eyes were weak but fluttered open when we came in. He had tubes and wires coming out of his wrist and shoulder. His head seemed so fragile on the small square pillow.

Benjamin held his hand and cried silently. I saw him letting the tears come freely.

"Hello, Toi," Benjamin's father said.

"Wait, that's your palayaw?" I asked.

Benjamin nodded his head.

"Anak ko," Benjamin's father said it na parang nahihirapan sa paghinga.

"Dad."

"Look like what it took me just to realize my mistakes."

"What's your plan?" Benjamin said, smiling bleakly at him.

"I think I'll have to confess it na sa mommy mo," Benjamin's father said.

To see them together na nakakapag-usap nang masinsinan ay napapasanaol nalang ako.

Benj's father tried to reach up and touch his cheek, but his arm looked like felt too weak. Benjamin moved closer and laid his cheek in his father's palm.

*****

By the time Benjamin's father got home the next day, it promised rain. Benjamin's father confessed to my mother-in-law. But she couldn't take it. She died in her sleep beside him.

At some point, napapaisip ako, bakit ba may mga taong kahit parang perfect na ang lahat ay nagagawa pa din makahanap ng paraan para maghanap ng iba? I guess, walang perfect. Perfection don't exist.

The funeral happened two days after. It happened so fast. I succeed convincing Benjamin not to leave Michigan. Lalo kakalipat palang namin sa Castle Shores. I did visit his father once a week after that.

I couldn't help but think, should I continue to doubt Benjamin's loyalty in our marriage sa kabila ng mga clear signs na may kinalolokohan siyang ibang babae at ilayo ang loob ko sa kanya or sympathized with him because he just lost his mother. Comforted him in that time he needed one. He lost his mother, I lost my father.

In that, I saw, he was sort of like me now.

Outside the mall, a young girl was selling small bouquet of red roses, their green stems tied with lavander ribbons. I bought out the girl's whole stock.

Benjamin's secretary, who attended our wedding, volunteered to help me when he saw me coming in the elevator, my arms full of flowers.

"You grown more beautiful from the last time I saw you." He said, as the elevator going up.

"Thank you. By the way, where's your boss?" I asked.

"You should texted him before you come here," He replied.
"He left his office an hour ago to take his lunch."

I saw his eyes rolling down on me from head to toe biting his lips. I felt uncomfortable. Instead of him escorting me in Benjamin's office, I took the flowers from him.

"I think you should take your lunch now. It's already 2PM." I said.

"B-but ma'am, let me-"

"I think I can take this on my husband's office alone. You can go now."

I took a deep breath before I came in to Benjamin's office. Pagkapasok ko, may nakaupong babae sa office chair ni Benjamin. I was sure that I saw her na but didn't know where.

"Who are you and why are you sitting at my husband's office chair?" Right before ko pa malapitan yung babae, biglang dumating si Benjamin.

He looked at me, surprised. "She's about to leave now," Benjamin said.