If I tell you I'm not looking for love right now will you leave me be?
If I concede to you that I wouldn't say yes if he asked me again would you let me rest?
Is all you want to know that I've finally hung up my flag and given in to being lonely until someone else decides this old veteran is worth his time?
I can say it all I want but it's not what my heartbeat spells out when I'm up alone at night
It's not what I feel when I look into your eyes and my brain teases me with images of us
And "you" is anyone at all
I yearn to love and be loved again
I was put on this earth to love people and to experience love
I want to feel again like I'm half of a whole someone else completes
And less like a half leftover no one wants to eat
Your old tattered text shows me your goals and mine intertwine
There's nobody senseless enough out there not to desire love
In one way or another everyone's heart beats for the attention of another
And mine beats one decibel louder than all the rest
I promise to be better than I was yesterday
And tomorrow I'll promise that about today
Because a million miles and a thousand dollars are nothing if I can hold you in my arms
Do you feel the same way?
I think you'll stay the same you've always been
Do you remember yesterday the same way I do?
Or is the vision of me inside your mind dark now?
Because you shine brighter than a thousand suns in my memories
And I fear in yours I'm just an old dusty stone
I'm heavenstruck again
By a boy who doesn't know better than to say the things I want to hear
I can feel my eyes shine when I look at him
And he doesn't know I look away because I'm afraid of the way my face gets hot
It's been a long time since I've felt this way about someone
From the moment I met him I knew he was special
Ever since my last treasure hunt went amiss
This new map has fluttered and taunted my insatiable thirst for gold
He's beautiful to me, in every way
He makes me happy enough to drown your golden yesterday in his glow
I'm not sad about what could have been anymore
Rather I'm sad about what never has and never will be
I know what you know the same as you know it
But he calls me anything but my name and he likes to give me hugs
And that's all I think I've wanted for all this time
So even if we stay this way forever I'll be okay
As long as his light doesn't leave me
It's hard to not feel abandonable and useless after what happened
I think forevermore that scar will hurt my future love
But his laugh overshadows that voice and he told me he wanted me to know that there was someone who loved me, and it wasn't impossible
Even for just a while
I watch his journey from high on his shoulder
Taking the world in from his height and his point of view
His world is wonderful and happy and 100% his
Full of things we both love and things we made and we care for together
I think I want to pitch a tent and stay here forever
He doesn't feel the same way
It's commonly recurring, this outcome in my endeavors
Every map leads to an O instead of an X
And O doesn't mark the spot it points out a mistake on that test you should have studied harder for
I sit and I wait with my friendly mistakes
They tell me everything they want, in a list of everything that isn't me
Each bullet point hits me such as it's name
Even he, my happy perch, desires more from his world than what I bring to it
I'll be okay this way, with my O's and my light
No matter how dim or bright he grows
Although he grows more luminous every day
I'll stay here on his wonderful shoulder and watch my world go round
Because anything's better than being in the dark
