Love.
I really thought I had it down.
I thought I knew what it was like to fall for another person
To give myself to them in full
Unconditional love that just feels right
Having one person be your favorite person and thinking about them all the time
Spending every free moment you have talking to them, or drowning yourself in their arms
I really thought I knew
I thought I'd experienced love-
Joy
The kind of giggly, 2AM, "No you hang up first" joy
That happens in the middle of the day
Just because yours is contagious and bright
The kind of joy that doesn't care
If anyone else is staring at you
Let them stare, they'll never understand
Just like I didn't understand what joy was like
Before I met you
Sadness
The kind of sadness that feels a little silly
Because I just saw you 5 minutes ago
And because I'll see you again in less than a day
But it feels sad, still,
Because I feel like I've lost a part of me
And it won't go away, until less than a day
The kind of sadness that doesn't really matter
Because it dissolves in the light of your laugh
And I know you feel it too,
And I'll get to hear it from you soon
Anger
The flaring kind of anger that scares even me
The violent kind that paints my vision crimson
And leaves me reeling and shaking
And worried of what the hell I'm capable of
The kind that only comes about with them,
Or when someone threatens someone like you
The kind of anger that probably needs medication,
But it'll be fine for a later date
Because your heart beats to cancel it out
And your arms know how to squeeze it away
Jealousy
The one thing I promised myself I'd never be
The feeling that taunts me and guilts me again
Residual sodium deposits of toxic energy
From the last time I thought I knew what love was
The feeling that tempts me to be insufferable
That demands reassurance at every step
Of everything I do, and now that you do too
The feeling that you promised to fight with me
And as I watch you brandish your sword
And pull me in behind your shield
I understand it's you and me against this world,
And against myself
Disgust
That nauseating feeling of distain
The feeling of complete repulsion and refusal
As in I refuse to accept that this is real
That someone would do this to someone
As sweet and wonderful as you, or anyone really
This place is disgusting, it's crawling with bugs
And I'm just glad you're not here anymore
And that I'm able to tend to the scars bug bites leave
Love.
I thought I knew what that was.
I thought so many things.
I thought I knew what all my emotions felt like,
That I could distinguish between them just fine
I was wrong.
You proved that to me
You've taught me that I haven't been feeling
Anything at all, not how I should
And every day with you is a day
I get to learn something new
And Ill always count my stars that I get to have a teacher as sweet and perfect as you <3
