My old wicker front porch bench creaks
Please old friend, won't you come take a seat?
One last time, for the sake of the goodbye,
Will you let me rest my head in your hands?
Blown away with the soft summer breeze,
Your delicate beauty, once the weak of my knees,
Escapes me now, left up to memory, somehow.
Never again to graze my sorrowed eyes.
Snug in the palm of my battered up hands,
Worn down and retired to useless scraps of wax,
A nice citrus scent, that's how the story went,
Your candles have finally burnt out, it seems.
Other items once found in that old alleyway,
A worn stuffed bear, and a dream that you'd stay,
All lost to time, between lemon and lime,
And all I have left are these cold candle stubs.
Under the vastness of all the sky's stars,
Or out on the overpass, watching the cars,
The endless flight, nature of everything bright,
That same sentiment lay in your space in my heart.
I really meant it when I said all of that, it's true,
A million miles away, yet my door's open for you.
Fly as far away as can be, scream misfire about me,
My dartboard heart holds your imprint, so deep.
While I stay weary, wondering where you've gone,
You've got your whole life to stay focused on.
If you never return, if the bridge is just burned,
I'll die still, with your name in the back of my mind.
I run aware that my edge is sharp enough to cut,
I know I'm broken, flawed and debilitating, but
Know that even still, through my harbored guilt,
I'm sanding my sword down, into a white flag pole.
To love is to let go, so I'm choosing to set you free
Though my urge is to beg you to come back to me.
I'm taking these reins, learning how to refrain,
So that someday brighter, you'll rediscover my draw.
Farewell old friend, though you silently left,
My wishes for you are forever, only for the best.
May you blind them all, dazzling disco ball,
And may you find it in your heart to forgive me, too.
Strike up a match, hold it under this brittle wax,
Melt down dysfunctional, create some new nicknack.
Through fire I'm reborn, through fire you reform.
And from the unsightly old, rises brilliant new.
Someone loved your candles, for worse or for better.
Now someone loves the wax seal on an unsent letter.
That letter, of course, is to you, for only your view,
And someday, I hope you get to know what it says.
~~~~~
Dear Citrus Girl,
I hope this letter finds you well.
It's been so many years since I wrote about you. My very first poem, my first time falling in love.
I've no idea where you are today. I've no idea what the final straw was that made you leave. I just woke up one morning and you were gone.
I think about you every day. About everyone I lost. I hope one day we may speak again, though I couldn't blame you if you chose not to.
I've known for a long time something was wrong with me, you'd know better than anyone. I've been stuck wondering what, and why, and I still don't really know.
What I do know is it's not forever. I'm going to get better, grow, and change. Someday I'll be a person you could trust not to hurt you in the ways I've hurt you now. I'm sorry I couldn't show you that same trust sooner.
I love you still. I always will. There's no power on earth that could force me to stop.
I'm sure you harbor resentment, and it's owed. I'm not mad your feelings have shifted, or that you chose to do what you did. I only miss you and wonder if I'll ever get the chance to apologize to your face.
I hope you're happy where you are now. You deserve love, you deserve happiness and you deserve peace.
I'm sorry I couldn't be there to see all the places you'll go. I know they're amazing, and I know they're meant for you. And I know that I'd be proud. I am proud.
Thank you, for everything you did for me.
I'll be here always, just in case.
Sent with nothing but love,
D.L.
