Wanderer Of The Moonlit Night

12 August 2022

// Continued personal rant from the part "umm.." //

Rakhi feels too hollow when some ppl do it only for the sake of posting in status or formalities...!

As for my experience the few cousins who did with me, I couldn't find most of em even interacting with me. Just tells to make a pose do a selfie turn this festive into a facebook post. That's all for these ppl.

It's kinda too lonely afterall no matter if anyone rakhi bandhing or not i don't really feel like any one genuinely cares at all. Coz I've not even seen them texting me once since the year. Why celebrate it when you're doing it just for the sake of statuses? While talking to someone else than me. They know nothing about my life, my condition or anything lol. I wish i could just run off for the day so that i won't have to indulge myself in doing the festive with such fake cousin sisters, most of em. Neither do i have any own sister. Anyways. Ik ranting doesn't changes anything for me but yeah just did it. Plus my mom's like always lecturing and ruining my day. Just waiting for my second suicide attempt rn. Really done with everyone in this world. Long time back. Be it family, neighborhood, wattpad, lovelife or mates. Really. Idky I'm still here. I wasn't supposed to be, when ppl say u don't deserve i ask "Then why should it happen always since decades if i don't deserve? Like this whole life will go with ppl giving fake hopes? Fake hope can never really change anything yk!"

I've a personal observation about most ppl and this world's way.

A bad person does something good once. He's still considered better than any person who was always good. A person who hurts others often, ppl get to know he/she has a certain problem or depression. Now he's considered more needy of love and ppl start caring with this person. While the actual ppl who are nice and kind and yet suffering thru a lot lot lot more issues, ppl still fucking ignore them don't care about em at all! This is legit truth ppl won't wanna accept coz most ppl are blind about how they value ppl or show care for.

Seriously if i found a single person who wasn't so mentally/emotionally blind towards me, i won't have been so helplessly supportless and suicidal like this today. For someone happy and all nice, they may preach others self love and all that consider a depressed loner as boring, coward or whatever. May they know the pain someday, they'll get the taste of their own bloody dagger.

Ppl don't know this but often. Happiness in the face of a person also shows how others treat him. Tears show how others hurt him. If you really gave right efforts to help or support someone or be a non-fake non-time pass friend. You won't have to see your friend cry and feel alone. And words are nothing infront of one's availability.

~ 10:11 pm