A Deal With My Ex

XLI

The night felt colder and darker than usual. The gloomy clouds of the night sky felt their heart heavy, staring at the shattered girl which stared ahead into space without any expression. Anguish coated each cell of her body, as she grieved the invisible loss of herself. The weather was a sumptuous combination of enticement and comfort. Perfect to snuggle close to the one you loved. Sasha unfortunately was perpetual from such a convenience.

A queasy feeling surrounded her being, as those malicious words kept making rounds in her head. Soon enough a stream of salty moisture made its way down her porcelain cheeks as her mind soaked deep into the feeling of catastrophic dolor. It was not the first time she had been neglected like this by him, but her poor self begged fate for it to be the last. She was, however, well aware that this was a never-ending phase. A sudden ringing of her phone seemed to catch her attention. Quickly wiping her tears, she took a look at the caller and her face became duller than it formerly was.

'Aiden Morgan is calling you

It read. She was in no mood for a conversation with anyone, especially not him. She decided to mute the sound and turn the phone upside down. A while later, it stopped vibrating and a notification sound intruded the partially silent air. Curiosity got the best of her and she picked up the phone with shaky hands only to get another blow.

'You're probably sleeping. I just wanted to plan for tomorrow, you know with Nicole'

Unable to bear it any longer she calmly placed the phone on the bedside table and stood up from her bed. Her palpitations got worse, as the anxiety attack again became dominant on their battlefield. Her feet shook with every step she took, progressing towards her cupboard where the remedy was left.

Anti-depressants...

She had been consuming these for a little over a year. She was able to get some unprescribed pills with the help of a friend who suggested consuming them, and ever since she continued to consume the pills as an escape from reality. Sasha was one of those who bottled up her feelings, and they had no good impact on her. She knew that her self-control might be an asset but one day it will bring her nothing but crumbling devastation. As she chugged down the pills, her mind felt lighter than before as the pain she formerly felt temporarily numbed.

Her fears of unwanted exposure ate her up, but she was aware sooner or later it will arrive and it dreaded her to no end. Without thinking further, she went to bed with her eyes heavy and heartbroken and drifted off to a land that did not exist but comforted her.

***

The morning arrived faster than the brunette had willed. She squinted her eyes, which felt sore from the excessive crying last night. Fortunately, she was able to get herself together and walk toward her bathroom to get done with her morning routine. She came out shortly and began to proceed downwards, helplessly begging that her mother would not be there to question her regarding her puffy eyes. Fate was kind enough to her this time, and her mother was not in the kitchen. She was not feeling hungry either, hence without grabbing any food she simply headed toward her university.