Freaks// Eddie Munson Fanfic

No more pulling away

I walk inside the house after a moment to myself outside.

I look at the messy kitchen and cringe.

God, Rick was always so messy and I didn't even see the rest of his house. Just the living room.

I bet this is what my mom sees when she walks through the house. She just hallucinates a bunch of trash and shit everywhere.

I walk past the kitchen and there's a hall straight ahead leading to a couple of rooms and then the living room to my right.

No need to go straight because I see him hunched over on the couch smoking a cigarette.

I almost don't want to bother him but it's cold outside and I don't want to go into any of Rick's rooms. They're probably as messy as out here.

I walk over slowly and sit down next to him at the very edge of the couch. To keep some space between us.

I thought it through outside and I know that I can't keep tiptoeing around everything. Not right now. I need to get everything out into the open so we can at least find a middle ground where being here together won't be the worst thing. We need to be able to talk right now. More than ever.

Since it was my fault in the first place I'm set to make it right.

"When I was younger...my mom would talk to me the way she does now, just a little less harsh."

He didn't turn to me. He kept smoking his cigarette, looking away.

"Nonetheless, she said it, and..it sucked. I never felt good enough. For the longest time, I thought she was right. That I was-you know, a horrible daughter, and so I never wanted anyone of my friends to meet her. I didn't want them to witness her lashing out at me because I thought If they heard the things she said- If they heard me try to defend myself, they'd think I'm horrible too."

He doesn't turn to me but he shifts his head so he's looking forward rather than completely turned to the side.

"I was embarrassed and I wanted to change but I didn't know how. So I didn't. I just took it. Just let her walk over me and I fell into this pattern where I was fine with it. I thought I was a shitty daughter who deserved it and with that came this thing."

He shifted his head a bit like he wanted to look at me but was hesitant.

"When you're treated like shit by someone and you grow up thinking that it's normal, that it's fine, That you deserve it. The moment they show you the tiniest sliver of love, you just..eat it up."

I smiled at how ridiculous that sounds, but it's true.

"For the longest time I would hope and wait for the moment my mother was in a good mood. For her to tell me that I did a good job cleaning. For her to thank me and be decent with me. I longed for those days. Those days were great," I say honestly because they were.

It would be days when she made great food. She would almost be nice to me and I adored those days. I would pray sometimes. Back when I would pray, I asked for more days like that.

"It was nice and all but I would get so confused and hurt when those days just slipped away. One day she was nice and sweet with me and then the next she would snap at me, hit me, call me useless."

I finally feel him turn to me but I keep my eyes on my hands. Just picking at them.

I've picked at them so much that the skin around my fingers hurts. It's exposed even more than before and stings.

"It was like saying all these nice things meant nothing to her. She just threw them at me and just as I'm about to hold on she pulls them away. She boosts me up just to tear me down the next day," I start to shake my head thinking about it. "I never understood. I was so confused and I thought it was me. I thought everything was on me. Until one day I stopped waiting for those days...the moments she was being sweet, they just stopped meaning anything to me. They didn't seem to truly mean a thing coming from her so they stopped meaning anything at all for me."