Inspired by a lyric from the song 'Mary on a Cross' by Ghost.
Warnings: a little angsty, lots of self doubt
I hate how obvious I am, but he makes it difficult not to be. Ever since Bucky Banres had joined to team I couldn't help but be drawn to him, to his aura. I understand the things that he had done were terrible, and working past it has been just as traumatic, but I couldn't do anything but admire how pretty he was.
Unfortunately, I believe I've made him uncomfortable. Not only am I giving him more attention than he would probably like, but I also knew he found me and my abilities strange.
The Avengers use me behind the scenes during interrogations and even interviews when considering agents to join their establishment. I was born with abilities that allowed me to see the character of people around me. Everyone has a base aura that can tell me what type of person they are, although it can be quite difficult to read as people's personalities aren't just black and white. There's always a little bit of gray in a person. Though, the Avengers mainly use my ability to tell if people are lying or being disingenuous.
The reason I found Buckys aura so alluring, is because it is the most beautiful one I'd ever seen.
James Buchanan Barnes basked in a silver aura that seemed to detach from his body. Even though he could not see or understand his own aura, it was as if he felt he was undeserving of it. I believe his aura to be so unique because he didn't try to hide or excuse his gray areas. He was completely accepting of the wrong he had done in his life. He cares about every mistake he's been forced to make and accepts that they were his actions, even if he was unable to make a choice on those actions.
"You're doing it again." Bucky muttered with a nervous smile on his face, staring at the floor.
"Oh." I shook my head, pulling my eyes away from his shining form. "I'm sorry sorry, it's just so pretty. You're so pretty."
I stared at him often, explaining the trance his aura seemed to pull me into. He had finally grown comfortable enough to tell me when I was staring for too long.
"You don't mean that." He chuckled, a pink hue covering his cheeks.
"I don't say things I don't mean."
He wasn't used to compliments, always brushing them off.
"Are you kidding? Have you seen this thing?" He waved his metal arm around, unseen to the world as he wore a jacket and glove to cover it almost daily.
"Its beautiful." He grew frustrated at ny response, his silver filling with a burnt orange.
"Beautiful? Do you know the amount of lives this arm has taken? Do you know the number of people it's harmed?" He spits out. "Does your silly little power tell you that much?"
He was pacing angrily in front of me, filling the living room in the compound with tension. Just moments ago we sat relaxing on the couches.
I knew I should feel annoyed or offended by his statement, the way he mocked me, but I could tell that was never his intention. He had allowed his insecurity to take over, refusing to accept any kind words.
My eyebrows furrowed as I leaned forward and closed the book that had laid useless in my lap for the last half hour. Bucky stared at me carefully, trying to prepare for my reaction.
"Your beauty never really scared me," I whispered with nothing but adoration in my voice.
I wasn't prepared for his response. Tears filled his eyes and he fell to his knees in front of me, burying his face into my lap. His body shook as he cried into my thighs, his arms wrapped around my legs.
"Tell me what's wrong? Please?" I begged, my fingers gently pulling through the tangles in his hair. He and been fine all morning, I can't comprehend what would prompt this reaction.
"You're too good for me," his voice was muffled as he continued to cry. "I'm so terrible and you're so good to me. I fall in love with you a little more everyday and I know there is nothing I could ever do to make me deserve for you."
My mouth fell open at Buckys confession. This whole time I thought he disliked me, seeing no emotion but discomfort and embarrassment in his aura when in my presence. I was so concentrated on appreciatetion for hik that I never considered he might reciprocate the same feelings.
I felt tears fill my own eyes as I processed his words. I couldn't stand how he thought so lowly of himself.
"Now, you listen to me James," I sniffed as I tried to contain my emotions, "everything you have ever been through has made you deserving if me. The way you have fought against every bad thing around you with the consideration of everyone besides your self makes you deserving of me. The way you continously atone for you actions makes you deserving."
As I spoke I grasped his chin, pulling his head up to look me in the eyes as I spoke.
"The world is a terrible place, Bucky Barnes. Who's to say we can't be each other's little bit of light?"
"Too good." He sobbed as I leaned forward, my forehead resting on his own. "Can I kiss you?"
"Please?" I begged.
As his lips met mine I could taste the saltiness his tears left behind. His hand grasped the back of my neck pulling me deeper into the embrace. I slid from my seat on the couch to the floor, desperately trying to be as close to him as possible.
"You're the perfect amount of good for me," I promised, breathless as he finally pulled away.
"You're sure? You'll never resent choosing me?" It amazed me how he could even imagine that after the kiss we just shared.
"I'll love you forever if you let me."
"I'm sorry I called your powers silly."
I couldn't help the loud lafter that fell from my lips, burying my face in his chest.
"They are quite silly aren't they? Me and my colorful little clouds." I was surprised to hear his chuckle join my own.
"And me with my silly little arm," he squeezed his arms around me, trapping me against him. My heart grew at the thought of him talking about his arm with a joking tone.
Anyone who saw us would think us a mess. Wrapped up in each other on the floor, both of our eyes puffy from tears, and giggling like school children. This mess was ours though, and it was only the beginning for us.
