Foster + j.j.

xxxix.

I feel like a sack of shit...

~^~

*alyssa*

My breathe caught in my throat.

"W-what?"

"Alyssa, remember back in January when you were in the hospital?"

"Uh. Yeah."

I remember that day well. He was the second person to ever tell me that they loved me. Joe was the first when I was seven years old and the kids in my class made fun of me because I didn't have a family that loved me.

That day, he came to pick me up from school and I was in complete tears. Joe pulled me into his arms and let me cry.

I remember what he said word for word.

"Don't let those kids tell you that. They don't now your story. If they can't accept you for who you are than it doesn't matter. Even though you may not have a mom or a dad that loves you, just remember that I will always love you, okay? I love you so much, Lyssy."

Everyday I carry those words with me and I never plan on letting them go.

"Alyssa! I'm pouring my heart out here and you're not even paying attention!"

I sniffled, "Um. Can you say that again? I-I wasn't listening."

"Wait. Are you okay? What happened?"

I sniffled again and blinked back the tears before they began to fall, "It's just that. When you said it for the first time I seriously didn't believe you because no one has ever felt that way about me before. But now since it can really tell that you really mean it, it just triggered a memory."

"Good or bad?" He asked reluctantly.

"I guess it's more in the middle."

"Is it about Joe?"

I nodded my head not looking at the screen.

"If you don't mind me asking. What was the memory?"

I paused.

"I trust him," I told myself. "Don't be scared to tell him."

"Umm, I don't really want to go into detail because I will probably begin to cry but, the bottom line is that I was in first grade when all of the kids made fun of me for not having parents that loved me. Joe picked me up that day from school and he told me something that I carry with me everyday."

"Wow," Jack breathed out. "Again, if you don't mind me asking what were his words?"

"His exact words were 'Don't let those kids tell you that. They don't now your story. If they can't accept you for who you are then it doesn't matter. Even though you may not have a mom or a dad that loves you, just remember that I will always love you. I love you so much'," I answered.

"Now I know how much he really meant to you," he mumbled.

I took a deep breathe, "Yeah."

There was this awkward silence between us. This is actually the first time in months that this has happened.

"Um, give me a sec," he says putting him phone down and taking his head phones out of his ears.

More tears started to form in my eyes before I let out a sob.

I hate my life.

Anything I ever have leaves me.

I don't even deserve Jack. Why does he have to be so good to me when I'm so terrible to him?

My life absolutely, positively sucks and I hate myself so much.

Just before I slipped into a darkened filled with crude comments, I heard a voice.

"Alyssa? Alyssa! Lyss! Can you hear me?"

"What?" I choked.

"Are you okay?"

"Umm, yeah. I. I. Almost slipped into another panic attack."

"Thank god I got here in time."

I nodded my head, looking at him through the screen.

Then I realized something.

"Jack?"

"Huh?"

"I love you."

There I said it.

"I'll be your girlfriend."

His face lit up, "Oh my god Alyssa! I love you too!"

I smiled widely.

This boy is mine. My savior. My escape. My love.

100% Mine.

I couldn't be happier.

I love him so much.

~^~

I suck...

I haven't updated this story in like a month... I feel absolutely terrible it makes me want to cry... I've just a been so stressed out with school and nothing is coming together and I'm just a terrible person...

I hope you enjoyed the update...

I know it wasn't my best but I tried...

I'm sorry...

(you're probably not even reading this part, are you?)