Foster + j.j.

ix.

*alyssa*

Jack pulled away from the hug and looked into my green eyes. His were a gorgeous ocean blue. They weren't like the ocean blue you would see at the Jersey Shore but the ocean blue you can only see if you went to the Caribbean. For some reason I didn't want to look away. If someone was looking me right in the eyes I would have looked away within point two seconds but this time it felt different. It felt like I was in some sort of trance.

"Alyssa?" Jack chuckled.

I was snapped right out of it looking down and felt my face turn pale, "I-I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything."

I started to pick at my nails again. This habit bothered me. My fingers looked ugly and disgusting because I pick at them so much.

"You mumble a lot. Did you know that?" Jack spoke again.

I bit the inside of my cheek. No wonder people know my secrets, I mumble them and poof everyone knows something so stupidly ridiculous about me.

The room was full of painful silence. Neither of us were able to figure out what to say. Honestly, I would rather sit down stairs and be humiliated by Jack in front of his friends than sit here in silence.

"I honestly don't think you would actually want that," Jack chuckled.

I squeezed my eyes shut and the room began to slowly tilt back and forth. Like I was on a boat. My body took over my mind. I got off the bed and curled into a ball in the corner of his room. My body began to shake rapidly and tears were beginning to pour from my eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me," Jack ran up to me. "Look at me. It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I won't judge you. Please calm down."

"I-I-I hate thi-is. Why am I here? I can't handle this. After seven years of dealing with this shit I can't handle it."

My mind swirled. Everything began to spin around like a top, only going faster and faster by the second. My vision went black and voices appeared in my head.

No one wants you. Everyone hates you. Your a disgrace of a human being. Waste of air. Why haven't you killed yourself yet? Nothing but an attention whore.

"Get out! I don't want you here! Get out! Get out of my head!" I screamed.

The voices only got louder as I screamed louder. It felt like I was put in a box and it got smaller and smaller the louder I got.

What a retard. I didn't know that she was this retarded. No wonder she doesn't have friends, she scared of her own shadow. Why is she even here?

I let out a loud blood curdling scream. These words were flying at me like bullets, each creating a new wound every time.

"Alyssa!" A voice yelled. "Please! What's happening? Are you okay? Alyssa!"

My body twitched and my eyes shot open. Jack sat there with his hands on my shoulders. Fear was written all over his face.

I sat in his lap and clutched onto him not wanting to let go. My arms wrapped tightly around his neck as my legs around his torso. He held my back holding me close, lightly drawing circles soothingly.

My throat let out a loud sob that sounded more like a scream.

"It's okay. You're okay. I'm right here. I'm right here."

~^~

I seriously didn't imagine my book would actually be read by actual people besides myself. Lol! X'D