Ink [h.s]

Coward

Harry

I still held my lover in my arms, my arms wrapped around her petite frame tightly. Her soft wisps of air that came out of her mouth hit my chest, the tee I wear already soaked as it is from both our tears.

I had to calm down. I had to stop being such a pussy in front of her. She saw me weaken in front of her.

I broke.

She slightly sniffles and I bring her face close to mine, closing the space between our lips and connecting them. The salty tears mixed with passion as I closed my eyes, more tears falling. A soft sob left her lips and she pulled back.

I brought her closer to me.

"Everything is gonna be alright, Bella. I fucking promise." But I was a coward to admit that maybe everything wasn't going to be okay. And maybe I only had a side glimpse of hope that things were going to end well for the both of us. But it was always the bigger glimpse that things could end tragically.

And I would be damned.

Bella stared intensively into my eyes, her bottom lip trembled and I had to hold every ounce of strength left in me, not to break down again, because I know it would either make her feel more shitty or feel like she was in more danger than intended.

"Harry," She quietly said my name, and I felt like she was falling apart, but was trying her best not to show me. But I wasn't that naive, I knew I destroyed her.

"I don't understand, Harry." Her voice was soft but croaky. Taking her hands into my larger ones, I say. "Understand what, baby?" She sucked in a shaky breath, biting her lip. "You, you're so determined not to let me help, and I don't get why. All I'm trying to do, is get us both through this and all you're doing is bringing us back two steps every time we take one forward." Her words slice through my chest, you know? It's like she was so resolute to actually get this mess back into the grave.  But maybe she was right. Maybe I'm the only one in the way this time. I sighed. "I'm sorry. You're probably right. All I'm trying to do is keep you safe, love." She leaned in and pecked my lips softly. "No matter what Harry, you'll always keep me safe."

I think I was falling more in love with this girl than I thought I already was.

She completed me; like my other part of my soul was trying to stitch up a patch that wasn't found. But I did. I found it.

I found her.

____

We made it back to Bella's flat--the fucking joy of having to come back to her flat, not ours. It was shitty to think we still haven't moved in together. I stared at her tired frame, laying down on the sofa, her eyes slightly drifting off into a peaceful sleep. I guess tomorrow we'll have to talk about it. Or maybe surprising her-- I think that would be better. It'll make something to look forward after all of this rubbish I put us both through.

She deserves better than me. I just don't know what made her fall in love with me. It's like she was this guardian--fucking--angel sent down on me, to look after me, to make sure I was sane most of the goddamn time, but bloody hell did this woman make me insane. She understood me. She listens to me. She actually puts up with my bullshit when I'm a dick most of the fucking time and she's still here. She still loves me.

And I loved her.  More than she could ever understand or know. Now, this--this was something Bella Blue would never understand. She will never understand how much I love and crave her. She will never understand that if she ever got hurt because of me...because of my past and actions that I would fall apart. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. The self guilt would eat me up, and I soon would start to go mad because of it. She will never understand that I'd go through hell and back just to have her forever by my side, safe and protected away from all of this, all of this shit and all of these wrong God awful people. She'll never understand. Only because I'm a man of pride and I have an ego so big, that'd I'd never, ever be able to admit all of this.

"Harry," She mumbles in her sleep. I crouch down in front of her, a smile crept onto my face. Christ, was she breath taking. "Yeah, love?" I brush some pieces of hair that got onto her face. "M-mm...bed...tired," I got the hint and soon lifted her bridal style to her room.

Softly laying her down, she grips my forearm. "Stay.." Her voice was quiet; exhausted, and I did what she wanted.

I stayed.

And so, I took off my pants, and lifted my tee off, tossing it to the floor, laying beside her. The warmth of her body kept me warm. And I never wanted to be forbidden this ever. She was my source of heat. She was the only being keeping me from loosing my mind completely.

She only made me lose the other part.
_____

The next morning I decided to wake up early, despite the slight bad stomach ache I had from the few glasses of liquor I downed yesterday. Okay...so maybe more than a few. But I did sober up before we came here last night. I made some coffee knowing Bella loved it so much. I made her blueberry pancakes, somehow she liked them. And cut up some pineapple. Putting it all on a tray and setting it down next to her on the nightstand, I write a note.

Good morning beautiful. Eat up, because a surprise is waiting for you when I come home x

P.s I love you

-H

With a smile, I set it on the tray, and put my clothes on, leaving the house to suprise my lover for something amazing.

Note: God has see me sad ha!  The UAE unbanned wattpad and it's back! Yayayyy alrightyy I've decided to make the next chapter a bit more happier considering the last few were a bit dramatic and sad. So always vote and comment! All the love x

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