Ink [h.s]

Fault

Chapter song: Next to you: Harry Styles  (His edition I found on YouTube)

Harry

It's kind of like that nonexistent feeling of something that's shielding your eyes from something God or someone doesn't want you seeing. Like this thing that covers your eyes, to protect you from the world itself. To prevent it from revealing  what it truly is. Maybe that was the issue here.

Maybe I didn't want to see the world the way it actually was. Maybe I wanted to ignore all the people in this awful fucked up world. Ignore all the people that caused me pain and agony. Maybe I wanted to ignore all the people that caused me utter mind distributing thoughts. It was a constant battle with me throughout these few years. But, maybe these thoughts and feelings these years weren't as awful as the thoughts and feelings I'm feeling at this very moment?

Watching the surgeons try, try to get Bella stable was heart damaging. I couldn't bare this fucking pain. I was literally grasping onto my chest because it hurt that fucking much. Every time the heart monitor would indicate that her heartbeat was getting weak, my own would stop. Every goddamn time, I would whimper and let out this gasped breath, tears falling out of my eyes.
I was slowly falling apart. Literally. I couldn't even let the thought pass my mind, living without her. It wasn't possible. She embellished me into this man that I wasn't long ago.

I was someone better because of her, because of her. No one understood it. And I was at fault here. I put her though all of this. I let her in my life. I just fucking had to. I made the first move. I kissed her first. I fell in love with her. I fell in love with the way she was and the way she held herself and the way she could smile even though everything wasn't alright. I fell in love with her because she wasn't someone that could back away from a problem unless she fought with all her fucking soul. And that's what she did tonight. She did that. And it's all my fault.

"Fuck!" My eyes swell with tears as I tug at my hair, looking inside the operating room. The nurse notices and closes the damn blinds. I just shut my eyes and pray to God she makes it through. God I'm so sorry baby. I'm so, so, so, sorry. I want the best for you.

But I'll never be the best for her.

Not even close.

I exhaled a long and loud breath, my voice coming out with it. I turned around and walked into the waiting room. I saw Louis and Zayn. I saw Sophia and even Bella's mum. How did they even get a hold of her? They all looked up at me and I couldn't keep it in. It's like they were all practically judging me, thinking in their heads, this is your fault Harry. If it weren't for you, Bella wouldn't be on the verge of life and death.

I bet they were. I know they are. It's not like they're wrong, I knew this mess was my fault.

But I had to suck it up. Because what's been done is done. And I have to be strong for Bella. For her. For us. I wipe my wet cheeks and go and take a seat far from everyone.

I close my eyes and think of the way her soft hands feel on my skin, the way they burnt wherever she touched, marking me. I imagine the way my name would roll off her tongue like a warm breeze. I thought of her eyes. God those eyes. One minute they were the brightest green, and then in a fraction of a second they would turn into this dark shade that reflected her mood. I remembered the way her lips tasted... she caught up on my mint gum habits... tasting just like it. Soft, full, amazingly desirable.

I let out a small whimper, opening my eyes, the overwhelming tears coming again. Just thinking about not being able to hold her again was tearing me apart from the inside out. It was like a fucking knife cutting at my chest, and slicing through my heart.

Yeah, it hurt that much.

I felt a hand on my back and I opened my eyes and wiped the tears quickly. I looked up and saw Bella's mother. She had a sad look on her face and guilt was just eating me up. "Can I take a seat?" I just nodded, not being able to face the mother of the woman I love.

"I know I haven't been with her this past year.. and I don't have a right to be here regarding the past, but I love her as much as you do." I just shook my head, biting my lip; eyes clamped shut.

"No-no, nobody can love her as much as I do, it physically hurts... God I fucked up," I only felt her hand rubbing my back softly, and it felt soothing. It felt like how I knew my own mum would do if I was in pain; trying to help me feel better. But nothing can take away the pain I was feeling.

"No, Harry you didn't. I know you didn't, want me to tell you why?" I nod my head while blinking rapidly. Her blue eyes gaze into mine for a brief second then she closes them. A small sad smile on her lips.

"I know you didn't, Harry because that day.. when I saw her... I saw the happiness in her eyes that I wasn't able to give her after her father past away," As she was talking I noticed the bags underneath her eyes; from the lack of sleep, possibly from drinking. I saw how tired her whole body attire was and how her face didn't show any percentage of happiness. 

"I saw her have this emotion in her eyes that I've never seen. She looked genuinely at peace, and I can't be more grateful of you. And I know for a damn fact, she's going to make it out of that room, you just have to believe in the love you have for her. Believe in the love you both share, it conquers all, Harry. Don't ever doubt it. Ever."

I swallowed and nodded at Bella's mother. Her words calmed me just a fragment, but I still feared the worst. So I did what was the most stupidest thing in a time like this, I asked her the most important question holding me back from life it self.

"Mrs. Blue--"

"Riley," She cut me off. I smiled weakly.

"Riley, I-erm I need to ask you something if you don't mind," Her eyes soften slightly.

"'Course dear," I licked my lips and took in a breath.

"I need your blessing, if that's how they say it or--uh damn I donno, but I just.. I can't live without her and I really need her in my life and, God I swear when she makes it out of there, I will give her everything she every wanted and-"

"Harry," She cut me off with a small laugh, and I choked on my breath; swollen eyes and tired voice.

"Yes. You have my blessing." My lungs let out this huge gust of wind and I just smiled the best one I could give and hugged her tightly. "Thank y-you so much," I hiccuped. She smiled, nodding.

"The Styles family?" I heard the doctors voice and my body went rigged, but I jumped out of my seat and ran over to him with everyone else. He took off his glasses and gave us a look, then looked at the clipboard, then looked at me in the eyes.

My heart was in my throat at this point and I didn't know if I was going to piss or shit myself because I was feeling so many emotions at this moment. Maybe I would vomit for the sake of my own benefit. My hands trembled and my breath was coming out in small puffs and I'm sure my eyes looked blown wide. But fuck, all I cared about if she was alright. And so.. he opened his mouth and I held my breath.

"She's indeed a fighter."

Note: damn another cliff hanger. I know I'm sorry but thoughts? What do you think? Any predictions? Comment and vote! (: all the love my children x

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