Amile The Queen

Chapter Nineteen

***Amile Gumede***


The only thing getting me through this dreaded drive is my music, otherwise I would have yanked out my hair a long time ago. I’ve been falling in and out of consciousness and I have seriously had enough. I didn’t know that it was this far, are we still going to a place in KZN or are we leaving the province?
“Ma?” I whined.
“I’m not stopping for anything now Amile, we are almost there. It’s almost dark, your granny is waiting for us” she still needs to go back by the way.
“How far are we?” I’m frustrated.
“We are almost there. You are acting like a little child, even your brother is way too relaxed. You should do the same.” Yeah, because he’s comfy in his booster seat, sleeping.
Mom still puts him in a booster seat, some lady at the shop where she bought them made the mistake of telling her that they make them up to twelve years old and the technically should be sitting in them for that long. Now my poor brother is subjected to that nonsense.
I’m cranky because there is no network here. It explains why I couldn’t get a hold of Nkosi last night, he probably drove the whole night. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I wanted nothing but to live in his head for that night just to see what he was thinking.
A lot of emotionally taxing things happened yesterday, and yes we talked about them, but I don’t think it’s something that we can just talk about and move on with it just like that. I haunted me all night, I kept replaying that scene in my head when I pushed him off over and over again. I could still feel my walls expanding every time it came to my mind and I got chills. I don’t know which ancestors are working like this, but they deserve an award. I know my granny would have been disappointed that I wouldn’t be going to the reed dance.
I gave it a thought, and it’s really not that bad of an idea, my issue is just the many people that I will be around. I hope I get to go home, or I don’t get lost because being in big groups of people gives me anxiety. I tried calling Nkosi but his phone wasn’t going through the whole night and this morning. Now I don’t have service.
I’m seeing more buildings and people! Yay, we are in town. Okay, I know that my grandmother’s house is in a little township-ish place here, not really rural, I just don’t know because I haven’t been here in over 10 years. Granny always comes up to visit us in Glenwood.
We drive through a gravel road and I can see the white house and it digs up pictures from my childhood. Damn!
“That’s the house right?” I asked mom leaning out the window.
“Yes, we are here.” Finally.
When we park in front of the gate, two of my cousins came rushing to open it for us. They look so excited. I see gogo coming out the house and she has a doek in her hand, she is ululating and waving in the air. I feel like royalty right now.
“Oh my sweet grandchild, you have grown so much.” She holds me tight in her embrace and kissed me a thousand times.
“Hello gogo”
“Oh mntanomntanami. I’m sure you guys are tired, it’s been a long drive. Where is the little one.” She let’s me go and head to the car.
Mom and her mother embrace and she also kisses her. Our granny is like that, she is very affectionate, but I think it comes with old age because she didn’t raise mom to be this affectionate, she had to learn that on her own. My cousin comes and tap my shoulder.
“Hello.” She says lowly and waves.
There’s two of them one is almost my age and the other one is just a little older than Siviwe. I don’t know them that well, they are my uncles children.
“Hi, how are you?” I give the one my age a hug, she hugged me back.
“You smell so good.” She said surprised. I laughed
“Thank you.” I’m wearing my Dior, courtesy of Mr Zulu.
“Can I also have a hug?” the little one said. She’s so cute. I leaned down and hugged her.
“You are such a beautiful girl.” I whispered in her ear, she giggled.
“I want to look like you when I’m older.” Ncooh, somebody looks up to me.
“Okay Tutiza, leave sisi alone now.” I laughed at her. I’m such a bad cousin I don’t even know their names.
“No its fine. What is your name?”
“Tulip, but gogo calls me Tutiza because she said my name doesn’t make sense.” I laughed.
“Your name is beautiful sweety, it’s the name of a beautiful flower, and it suits you.” She blushed and looked away. She’s so adorable.
“Tutiza go inside, Buhle, help Amile with her bags, its cold out here.”
“Yes gogo.” I think I remember Buhle now.
Siviwe is grumpy, much to Tutiza’s disappointment. She was looking forward to playing with him. But he’s like that when he wakes up, he’ll loosen up after a bath. Buhle helped me carry my bags and some of Siviwes and we walked inside. The house is bigger inside and it looks very spacious. The lounge is an open plan lounge with a big dining table in the middle of it all. It’s a beautiful house.
“Come let me show you our room.” Buhle led me to one of the rooms. There were two single beds and they were neatly covered with white duvets.
“This is where we will be sleeping.”
“What about Tutiza and Siviwe?” I placed my handbag on the bed and sat down.
“Siviwe will sleep with gogo and Tutiza sleeps with mom.” Oh yeah.
“So you sleep all alone here?” she also sat down on the bed opposite mine.
“Yeah, it helps me talk to my friend better.” She put emphasis on the word friend and winked. I laughed.
“Oh heeh. And this friend, is he a boy or a girl?” she blushed.
“He’s a boy from school.” How sweet. I think I’m going to enjoy my stay here.
“Are you ready for the Reed Dance tomorrow?” I asked taking out my phone checking the signal.
“I’ve been preparing for it since the beginning of the year. Gogo got us matching outfits, I’m so excited.” She squealed.
“Is it you first time going?” I asked her.
“Yes it is, you?”
“Me too.”
There is no signal in this God forsaken place.
“Amile, Buhle, come get your plates.”
That is gogo calling us. When did she fix the plates? We went out the room and headed to the kitchen. We choose our plates and just when I was about to follow Buhle out the kitchen, a couple of messages came through on my phone. Great, signal!
“No cellphones during dinner time young lady.” Gogo snatched it out of my hand before I even got a chance to peep at my messages.
Great, just when I have signal. She slid it in her pocket and told me to come to the dining room. Everyone was sitting in front of the TV eating and Siviwe and Tutiza were gracing their butts on the floor.
“Buhle are you also going to the Reed dance?” mom asked.
“Yes aunty, I’m going.” Mom gave me that look that I was overreacting.
“This one was dead set that she was not going at all. She says she’s afraid of too many people. At least now you have Buhle.” Mom pimped me out. Isn’t she supposed to be my mom?
“I told Buhle the same thing. Going to the Reed dance is not only about virginity but it’s a place where you learn about other things as well, see different people, and find different types of people from backgrounds different from yours. It’s a place where you makes friends and find sisters. The bonds you create there last forever.” That was gogo.
“Did you also attend gogo?”
“Yes, I attended every year until the last one where I finally married your grandfather.” That is beautiful.
“What she isn’t telling you though is that she almost married the King.”
“No, Makhosazane, don’t get it twisted, he just asked me out. I was never going to marry a man like him, a skirt chaser. Tell me how he ended up with so many wives after me, yet he promised that I was going to be his one and only.” We all laughed.
“But men lie all the time mama.”-Mom
“Not like Mhlabawesizwe. I’m glad I didn’t marry him though. I was very happy with your father. Listen my grandchildren, never compromise your happiness for tangible things. Any other woman would’ve thrown themselves at him, only because he’s the king, but I choose my happiness, if I was blinded by that, I would be unhappy.”
“Why didn’t he choose you at the Reed dance gogo.”-Buhle.
“He wasn’t King yet, he didn’t have the right to.” Shame.
“And even if he did choose me, I would have run away.” We all laughed. I’m definitely enjoying being here.
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We just said goodbye to mom and Siviwe is sleeping in Gogo’s bed. Buhle and I are washing dishes and listening to music. Gogo comes into the kitchen.
“Amile, come here.” She got herself a glass of water.
I wiped my hands with the dishcloth and followed her to her bedroom.
“Close the door behind you and come sit down.”
I did as told and found a spot below Siviwe’s feet.
“Usukhulile manje, and your mom is telling me that you are having dreams, tell me about them.”
“I dream about a man I don’t know gogo, I always call him the king and if we aren’t doing adult things in the dreams, then I’m on my knees apologizing to him.”
“What do you feel when you do adult things in your dreams? Do you let him or do you ever fight him?” I shook my head.
“No, I don’t fight him, but I feel like I want him to do whatever he is doing.”
“Do you ever feel anything when you wake up afterwards?” okay!
“I once woke up and my underwear was soaking wet.” How uncomfortable is this. She is shocked, but she quickly composes herself.
“Does he talk in the dreams?”
“Yes, we always have civil conversations. It was once or twice where he was mute. But the most recent one, he was telling me that his brother needs to come fetch him because I need to visit him and I can’t come where he is now because it is dangerous. He turned into a snake when I asked him where he was and he started wrapping himself around my body and drowning me under water.” I get the chills just talking about it.
Her reaction, although she is trying as hard as she can to cover it up, is scaring me.
“What were the other dreams about?” she asked again
“One of them, I was kneeling in front of him, begging him to forgive me, I don’t know for what but I was only wearing red cloths and they only covered my boobs and bums. The only time he spoke, he was telling me to stand up. When I did and looked up, he wasn’t there, but there was a mirror in front of me. I was now dressed in a white dress and I was holding his cane, the one the king holds. In the background, there was a woman saying I must go build the Zulu home.” She rubbed her forehead in frustration.
“Akusiyona into encane le mntanomntanami, we need to go see a prophet, and thy will access these dreams properly, I can’t even come up with one solution. They are confusing me.” (this is something serious my grandchild.)
“Definitely gogo, I also want clarity.”
“”Don’t go around telling people about these dreams because people are very evil and they can use your dreams against you. Just keep this between me and your mother, okay?”
“Yes gogo.”
“Go and rest, you have an early morning tomorrow. Your outfits are in the wardrobe.” She showed me where they are and I went to take them out.
“Thank you gogo. Goodnight.”
“Good night baby.” She kissed my cheek and I walked out her room.
I pray for a bit of normalcy in my life again, that’s all that I wish for.
I went back to the kitchen and Buhle was already done with them and she was eating some biscuits, busy typing away on her phone.
“I’m done, we can go to bed.” She handed me the packet of biscuits and we walked out the kitchen.
She’s glued on her, wish I was her, gogo took mine and didn’t bring it back.
“How come you have network?” she laughed.
“Because I live here, visitors often complain about the network, but it will pick you up soon.”
“Gogo took my phone anyways.” I said fixing my bed so I can sleep.
“She does that all the time. She’ll probably give it to you tomorrow when we come back from he reed dance.”
“Does she open it?” okay, I have secrets on my phone.
“Oh no, she doesn’t know how to operate a phone. Don’t worry about her.” I laughed.
Gogo acts smart but she doesn’t even know how to use a phone. I had faith in her. I miss my man now, there is literally a zero percent chance that I’ll get to see and talk to him tomorrow. I’ll probably see him with his family, that’s if we get to see the royal family. There are thousands of girls that attend, I should actually forget about seeing him.
“Are you asleep?” she asked shining her phone screen my direction.
“No, I’m thinking.”
“If you are afraid about tomorrow, the worst case scenario is them telling you that you aren’t a virgin.” I laughed.
“I’m sure that must be embarrassing.” She rolled her eyes.
“No, those girls set themselves up for embarrassment because they go there knowing exactly that they were visiting oSipho noJabulani in their cramped up dirty backrooms. I hate girls who like playing victim.” She has a point though.
“Most of them bribe their way out though, and probably half of the girls there are second or third time virgins.” I cracked up.
“Shh, you’ll wake gogo.” Oh my goodness. Where has this girl been all my life.
“Buhle, you are hilarious.” She blushed.
“Your friend, where does he live.” I really am not sleepy, I slept throughout most of the trip here. Longest four hours of my life.
“He lives down the road, kaMkhize.” She opened her phone and showed me his pictures.
He’s a boy, a schoolboy. He’s those guys that wear grasshoppers and like putting that black stuff on his hair after a hair cut and if he had the guts, he would probably get a piercing. He’s not ugly, but he’s not cute too. The low quality pictures are not making it any easier for me to point it out too.
“He’s cute.” I said faking a smile. I’m glad she’s so in love with him that she can’t see what my face looks like.
Even Siya and his skrr skrr tendencies was way better than this.
“I know. Every girl in school wanted him, but he liked me.” Oh nkosyami.
They still need to leave this little place and see what real men look like. What am I saying, I found my own in this little place. But that’s different though, right?
“That means you have something that those girls don’t have.” I definitely am an advocate for happiness and if that’s what makes her happy, then so be it.
“Do you have a ‘friend’?” that’s what we are calling it now?
“Yeah, I do. He’s a bit older than I am though.”
“How old is a bit?” I laughed.
“Just a little over 7 years.” I’m making it sound less. The 11 years between Nkosi and I is drastic.
“You have to be kidding!”
“Yeah, but I love him and he loves me, that’s all that matters.” She nodded along.
“And does he work?”
“Yes, he’s very smart too.” And maybe one day, I’ll be able to tell her who he is.
“Does he have children?” I froze.
“Not that I know of. He said he doesn’t like kids so…” I never knew what he meant by that though.
“Okay, that’s good.”
This has been the most private relationship I’ve been in ever. I don’t have any pictures of him on my phone, the only ones I have are of us together, and there is only a few. He still doesn’t have social media, and as hard as it is, I haven’t even posted a picture of his feet. I don’t even have the desire to. I’m enjoying the benefits of a private relationship. It’s the most peaceful things ever. Nambitha and Jama are the only people that know. And my mother obviously.
“Good night sis.” I said turning my body to the other side.
“Good night sis.” She said and switched off the bed side light.
*
I’m so thirsty, and from here, that bottle of water looks far. It’s scorching hot too, why the hell did I decide to take a hike on such a hot day.
“Its not that long of a journey my child.” I turned back.
“Who are you?” I asked panting, resting my hands on my knees. He laughed
“The man who is here to help you. I’m telling you it’s not far. You are not far from that place you seek.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about. I only want that bottle of water.”
“Yes, as long as you can see it from here, than it means it is not far from your reach. Just walk a little longer and you will get to where you want to get.”
“I don’t think I can make it.” My chest is literally drying up now.
“What you will find up there will be worth it, and the journey will mean nothing. I promise. I won’t lead you astray.” I turned back and finally saw his face.
I felt tears building up in my eyes and blinding my vision.
“Daddy?” I rushed to him and gave him a tight hug, he hugged me back.
“It’s me my baby. Just know that I love you so much and I’m always here for you.” I have so many questions, but being in his arms only makes sense and all the things I wanted to ask just went out of my head.
“Go and get your water my child.” He let go of me.
“Will you wait for me here daddy?” he gave me a soft smile and nodded lowly.
“Okay, go. Don’t rush, take your time, feel the journey. I’ll be right here.”
I trust him. He’s a part of me. I’ll go fetch that water.
*