Amile The Queen

Chapter Forty-Seven

***Amile Gumede***

You can see the worry on MaMzobe's face as we watch them depart. Nkosi and I are seeing them off, maybe she looks worried because she's leaving me with Nkosi and she thinks that he's hitting on me. Now this is my chance to give him an earful for what he did. I can't believe he did this to me again, he denied my presence in his life once again.
He grabbed my hand and held it tightly, I tried to pull my hand away but his hold was too tight.
"Mandlenkosi!"
"I'm tired of fighting with you. I want us to just go out and be together for the last time." I looked up at him.
Mandlenkosi isn't okay. Maybe he's the one who got into a car accident and got his brain damaged. The thought behind his reasoning is very questionable and maybe he is wasting his money by attending the therapy because he is delusional.
"Don't look at me like that, I'm not crazy."
"You are. You sound very crazy right now." I finally succeeded in removing my hand from his.
"They are out on a weekend away, we should do the same. I booked us a lodge in Hluhluwe, two days. That's all I ask of you. I want to say goodbye to you, say goodbye to our love."
He's not joking.
"I'm not doing that with you Nkosi. You are the adult here, you know what's wrong and what is right. You can't be demanding to take a away knowing very well we are on the tip of being caught. First of all, yesterday was fucked up. You denied my position in your life once again and I hate to admit it but it hurt more than it did the first time you did it. What closure are you seeking? To me it seems like you found it a long time ago, that is why it is so easy for you to let me go."
"I did that for your protection Amile."
"What protection!? You've already broken my heart, the one you promised to protect. And what happens to this already broken heart after this trip, you'll fuck me, make me fall in love with you all over again and leave me because you have found the closure you need? I'm don't being your yo-yo Mandlenkosi. I'm done. I'm asking you nicely, please stay away from me." He's standing there speechless.
I'm starting to doubt that he actually loved me the way that he claimed he did. I don't know what it is that he saw in me, but now that I've seen this test, I know he never loved me. Maybe I should just leave him.
I walked back into the house and I feel cramps on my lower abdomen. I went to the bathroom and there were light spots of blood on my panty. I'm happy to see my period, the last time it came, it was only two days and I actually started getting worried, but it's here again, that's a good thing.
I went on a frantic search for my tampons around the room but I couldn't find even a single one. I hate pads, everyone that knows me knows that I can't stand those things, but they seem to be the only thing I can find. And it's the extremely big one that goes all the way up my ass. Uncomfortable if you ask me.
I put it on and downed two painkillers for the cramps. I hate having the cramps. They don't attack every month, but when they do come, they are the devils advocate. I need a nap.
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One thing about me, I hate being woken up, and that's exactly what this one is doing. He's waking me up. First of all, why is he in my room.
"Amile?"
"Mandlenkosi I thought I told you to leave me alone."
"Look, I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't look at things from your perspective. You were right, I was selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings. From now on, I'm going to respect your space and treat you like I'm supposed to treat you. As my brothers wife." This is not what I want to hear about I just woke up from a peaceful sleep.
"You can exercise that respect by leaving my room." I said sitting up.
My cramps are getting worse. I won't say it out loud because he's going to panic.
"I'm going to, but since it's just the two of us I gave the staff the night off. Maybe we could go get some dinner." I shook my head I'm disbelief.
"Did you not promise to stay away from me?"
"It's just supper. Do you want to stay here and starve." I can't believe him.
"Okay, I'm sorry MaGumede. Must I bring you a takeaway?" He got up from the edge of the bed.
He wants me to beg him I see. The only reason I'm going to fold is because I'm hungry.
"Wait while I freshen up." He gave a dashing smile.
I don't know what he's expecting to achieve with what he's doing.
He walked out the bedroom and gave me space to change. I thought maybe the pad would be filled with blood because of the cramps, but there was only a few spots. So much for a period.
It's hot, but I'm shivering from the inside, which could mean I'm coming down with a cold so I wear a white woollen dress, a head wrap and sneakers. I throw a coat on top to seal in the warmth because I'm feeling cold.
I came out the room and he was sitting in the lounge busy on his laptop. I'm guessing he heard my footsteps because he looked up he frowned when he looked at me.
"Its not cold outside." He said closing his laptop. He stood up and pulled down his shorts.
I'm going to have to tolerate him the whole night, looking at him is already hard enough.
"Well I'm feeling cold." I said clutching onto my purse.
He didn't say anything. He led me outside the house to Bayede's car, the red Jaguar. I love this car, he hardly ever drives in it. He's always using the bakkie, I will never understand men that buy cars only to keep them in the yard.
MaMzobe always travels in the Fortuner, the other black cars are only used when they make their royal appearance. The Jaguar is always parked here. I wonder if this one got the permission to drive it.
"Jama and his baby mama are going to join us, you don't mind right?" I frowned.
"Baby mama?" first of all, that term is degrading, two, Jama is dating my best friend, why is he rubbing shoulders with his ex?
"Yes, the mother of his daughter." I kept quiet.
"MaGumede?" oh he wants a response.
"I don't mind." Of course I mind.
But it's not of my business hey?
My cramps are getting worse. They are becoming unbearable. He sees me holding my stomach and he asks what's wrong.
"It's that time of the month." I said under my breath.
"Did you take painkillers?" he asks looking a little worried.
"Yes, I did."
"Do you want more?" I nodded.
"I'll give you after dinner."
It can't get any more awkward than this between us. To think we used to sit like this, laugh, talk and feel love radiating from ever word spoken to each other. It really hurts. But I'm a big girl, big girls cry and get over it. I've cried enough, now it's time I get over it.
There's a fancy restaurant in town that we are going to. It's not something you would expect to find in the middle of the rural areas, but it's quite established. It's also empty, people probably can't afford to eat here, it looks top class, like super expensive. Maybe only those rich men with big bellies with cows and big plots of land bring their side chick's here to spend all their money. I wonder who owns this place.
Jama and the baby mama as Nkosi said are already waiting for us. They look very cosy, they are laughing and talking. I won't jump to conclusions just yet, they are probably friends, they obviously co-parent, they have to get along.
The lady got up and gave me a little curtsey.
"My queen." I'll let it slide.
"Good evening." Nkosi opened a chair for me and I sat down.
Jama who was sitting down looked at me and smiled. I gave him a weak smile back.
"Ndlunkulu." He said extending his hand over to me. He squeezed it and it.
"Hello Jama." Nkosi found his seat next to me.
Great, now it looks like we are on a double date. A waiter came and took our orders before conversation commenced between the boys. The lady kept stealing glances at me and she was making me very uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry. It's just that you are very beautiful." It sounds forced.
I know she's looking at me thinking that I'm so young and whatever else that she thinks.
"Thank you." I may be beautiful, but I'm in a serious amount of pain as I sit here.
"Jama where is my Namnam?" his whole face lit up.
I'm happy to see that, but the lady next to him, not so much.
"She's my girl Ndlunkulu, let's not fight." I chuckled.
"How is she? I miss her." The lady gave me the eyes again.
"She says she's okay. I'll only see her next week when I go back to Durban."
I nodded. That was my last two cents for the night. I sat there battling pain. After we finished the lovely three course meal, Nkosi gave me one painkiller.
"Can I have another one." He shook his head.
"If I give you another one you are going to die from overdose. These pills are strong."
He's annoying me. He's saying something I don't want to hear. I drank it anyway and asked to be shown to the bathroom.
"You'll be okay." He said as I got up from the chair.
I feel weak, even as I stand up, it feels like I'm going to collapse. I hold on to his shoulder for strength and he looks up.
"MaGumede." He stood up and held me.
"Take me home."
Both him and Jama stood up and they both held me up.
"Let's go." Nkosi carried me bridal style out the restaurant. I feel weak.
"I need the toilet Nkosi." I said breathless.
I'm suddenly breaking into a sweat and as he buckles my seat belt, he wipes the droplets of sweat forming on my forehead and nose.
"Can you hold it till we get home?" he's worried, you can see the creases on his forehead, but he's keeping calm.
His calmness is starting to make me panic.
"I'll try." My voice is breaking.
I don't want to cry and freak him out, but I'm in pain.
"Let's do this, let's take this off shall we." He unbuckled the seat belt again, and with his hands trembling, he removed my coat.
When I finally took it off, he closed the door and stood outside talking to Jama for a split second before hopping into the car and driving away. He's heading towards the palace and I feel my stomach turning.
"Nkosi I need the toilet." I said in a hurried voice.
"We are almost home." He's picking up the speed.
I feel the urge to push something, but I'm scared of the unknown.
"I think you just need to stop the car." I said feeling a shortness of breath.
He looked at me like I'm mad.
"I'm not doing that. We are almost home, hold it in." I think maybe he thinks this is a joke.
"If we don't stop right know Nkosi I might just lose my life." I press my down on my stomach and felt an intense amount of pain shoot through to the bottom of my legs.
He's not stopping the car, and it doesn't look like he's planning on stopping it. So much so that I start crying when I feel something running down my leg.
"Nkosi..."
"We are almost home Amile." Hes snapping at me.
I touch the liquid running down my leg and when I lift it up to the light, I see blood. He sees it too and he panics. I feel tears running down my face as the harsh reality hits me. This can't be happening.
He parks the car in the yard and he comes to my side, opens the door for me and carries me out. My dress is covered in blood and I'm crying. I'm scared, I don't know what to think, I don't know how to interpret this. What's wrong with me.
He takes me to the main bathroom and he attempts to walk out.
"Don't you dare walk out on me." I scream while holding on to the shower door.
"You are bleeding Amile. I don't know what to do."
"Go to my room and get me a pack of pads." I instruct.
I'm ignoring the voice in my head telling me that these are not just periods. I'm ignoring it with all my might.
He runs out as quickly as his feet can carry him. Men fear the sight of blood.
I take off my underwear and the whole pad is soaked with blood, so is my underwear, even my dress. It looks like a murder scene in this bathroom, blood smeared all over the pearly white floors giving me anxiety. I sat on the toilet seat and gave in to the urge to push. I felt my vagina dilating so much that I had to look down and see what was going on.
This can't be.
"Nkosi!" I shout as loud as I can, tears dressing my face.
There is so much blood.
"Nkosi!" He ran into the bathroom and when he saw me sitting on the toilet seat, he dropped everything the was in his hands and came to me.
I breathed furiously and continued to push until I feel something heavy drop out of me. I hear a loud thud inside the toilet bowl before I see Nkosi's eyes dilate.

***Zwelibanzi Zulu***

He was skeptical about leaving, only because he couldn't get what Gog' Malandela said out of his mind. He was being distracted by a woman from doing what he's supposed to be doing, which is finding his brother.
He loves his wife, and he loves his children even more. He will do anything in his power to make sure that they are safe, healthy and happy. That is why he took this trip with MaMzobe, so that his unborn child is healthy because if MaMzobe is stressed out, it puts a strain on the baby, and he wants that. There is nothing he loves more than being a father and he can't wait to be a father again. He's also praying to father MaGumede's children one day, but after the moments they have shared, He's in no rush to try with her. She's still got a lot ahead of her. He doesn't want to hinder her by giving her a child.
He still wants her to go to school, study to be what she wants to be and live her life like the way she wants, so it doesn't feel like she was forced to be at the palace even when she was.
"Love, why are you so deep in thought."
She looks happy here. She's been cooking up a storm with her boys in the kitchenette and she has a series of things planned out for them later. She insisted on cooking so they could stay indoors tonight, they will only go on adventures tomorrow.
"Nothing to worry yourself about." He put his hands out and rubbed her belly.
"I can't wait to be a father again." She looks at him blankly before she forces a smile.
"When do you think is the right time to tell the children and MaGumede?"
"Not now. It's still early days, maybe wait until I start showing." He continued to rub her belly.
"But you already are sthandwa sami. I can see the little Zulu growing bigger and bigger." He plants a kiss on her bump.
She moves away and holds his hands.
"Dinner is almost ready. Do you want to freshen up before you eat." He is yet to address the fact that she doesn't want him to bond with his child, but he won't do it now, he doesn't want to ruin the good mood.
"Yes please wakwami. But don't worry, I'll do it myself."
He stood up to be at her level and kissed her lips softly.
"Ngiyakuthanda." He said in a whisper.
"Uthandwa imina Mageba."
It's going to take a lot to convince him that she is going to be the distraction and his downfall. He loves her.