Amile The Queen

Chapter Eighty-Four

***Amile Gumede***

I’m not in the mood today. I’m grumpy, and I’m starting to feel like I’m always grumpy now. I don’t like being a prune all the time, I’m going to age quicker, and maybe I’ll affect my baby. I don’t want to have a grumpy baby.
I’m sitting alone in the dining room stuffing my face. That’s the only place of comfort and happiness I have, food! Food makes me the happiest woman, that is why kaMhlaba always comes home to a smiling wife. I give an even wider smile when he comes back with more food!
I called Khaya a few minutes ago, they were in a meeting at council so he couldn’t talk. I know I hired him as my husband’s PA, but he must not spend all his time with him, he must break his schedule into two, and make time for me too, because I don’t want to miss out on any of his hot gossip.
I love Khaya, I wouldn’t trade him out for anything! Baba loves him too, and that is very seldom that he likes anyone that isn’t me.
He’s the village gay boy that is judged for speaking model C English, and of course being gay. What I love about him is he is the boy version of what I am. He took over my job of being my husband’s PA after we found out that I’m expecting our very first baby!
He really said he doesn’t want me working with his first child in my stomach. He has this crazy fear that because he’s old, that our baby might be a high risk child. I don’t think he realizes that I’m still a teenager, my ovaries are fresh.
Who am I kidding? I was shit scared when I first found out. It doesn’t help that the way that we found out was very unconventional and scary. Just when I was least expecting it, this little seed of joy, planted itself in my stomach. I still had fear about my miscarriage, especially when I found out, it was at the same period I was when I lost Mfihlakalo.
Pregnancy was the last thing we were expecting to find, I was the most normal, most healthiest woman on the planet, I had no morning sickness, no moods, and no cravings. But when the doctor confirmed the pregnancy at two months, we knew we had conceived on the night of my birthday.
We were all the way in freaking Swaziland when this happened. We were called to Vukani’s school because he had a disciplinary hearing. He was in the midst of facing expulsion for selling drugs on school grounds. I’ve never seen my husband that angry before in my life. Ever!
They had called bhut’ Thula and Lerato, as they are their legal guardians, but Bhuti was so fed up with his behaviour that he was just ready to let him be expelled and come spend his time on the farm, working the land like the delinquent he wanted to be. Although baba was angry, he still wanted what’s best for his brother’s son, so he told me to pack my bags, and we were off to Swaziland to sit through that hearing, and maybe try fight for him to finish his June exams before they kick him out.
He was there with us in that room while we listened to his principal listing all the things he had done throughout the course of last year, and this year. All those things really made my skin crawl, but I understood where it was coming from, he was seeking attention, the attention he wasn’t getting at home.
My agenda had changed as soon as I stepped into that office though, the principals hostility towards me had me wanting to pull that boy out of the school whether they wanted to consider having him stay or not.
Do you know what she said to me? She said:
“Will you be sitting in with us for the meeting miss?” I darted my eyes to baba, who had maintained a straight face. I had then figured him out, and I knew that he doesn’t speak when he is uncomfortable.
“It’s Mrs Zulu, and yes, I will be sitting through the meeting, as Vukani’s mother.” I corrected her with the same amount of hostility.
She didn’t bother apologizing. That’s when I made up my mind.  When she had finished laying out her complaints, and the rest of the panel was done bashing the boy, I thanked them and said we would be pulling him out the school.
Did she not look at my husband and ask him if we are sure about the decision, as if my word wasn’t his word too. He simply replied by saying: “My wife didn’t stutter.”
It turned out very dramatic from there. As we were walking to the parking lot, Vukani was fuming mad. He was mad at me, and I know he wanted to curse me out, but he wouldn’t do that in front of baba.
Just when we were approaching the car, I was hit by a dizzy spell, and I dropped to my knees right there, trying to find balance. Guess who was the first person to catch me, and ask me if I was okay? Vukani!
I fainted after that, and I don’t remember what happened until we got to the hospital and they told me I was two months pregnant. It was literally a repeat of Cape Town.
So as soon as we got home, we put out posts for people to apply for the position as his PA. He wasn’t sitting in on the interviews, but he miraculously happened to sit in on the day Khaya came in for his. I had already seen a few good candidates, but as soon as that boy left that office, he said I must cancel everything and give him the job. I was stunned, but I was glad I didn’t have to sit in on anymore boring interviews. The job had been done.
“I came as fast as I could mommy.” he said dumping a plastic of fruits in front of me.
“You are a star.” I said opening it, and taking out an orange for me to snack on.
“You are definitely going to get me fired if I continue to do this.” he said taking a seat next to me.
“Langalethu cannot live without you, so can I.” he giggled.
“So how are we feeling today?” see, this is why we love Khaya.
“We are grumpy.” I said shoving a piece of orange into my mouth.
One thing I’m not afraid to do is be vocal about my emotions. This pregnancy has changed me. A unhappy Amile will say she’s unhappy. A happy Amile will tell the whole world she’s happy, and expect the whole world to feel exactly the same. That, and the fact that I can’t go a second without food.
“Why are we grumpy?” I sighed.
Why am I grumpy? I don’t know.
“Is it baby?” I shook my head, trying to finish chewing the massive piece I just threw into my mouth.
“Maybe I’m bored. Maybe I’m tired of sitting in the house all the time, doing the same thing over and over again. And I want an orgasm for crying out loud!”
“Oh wow, okay, that’s a lot.” I sighed and buried my head in my sticky hands.
“Have you told Bayede how you feel?” I shook my head.
I lifted my head and forced a smile.
“Forget I said anything.” that is the embarrassment kicking in.
Yes baba and I are not having sex, but the whole world doesn’t need to know that. He knows better than to try and fight me, so we are moving swiftly along.
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Khaya stayed until his knock off time, and one of the drivers took him straight home. He didn’t go back to council, even when kaMhlaba needed him back, I used my tears, and he stayed with me instead. I need friends, I can’t keep hogging Khaya to myself.
Nambitha left. I got her an interview with Shlobo’s grandson, the CEO of the company and she basically got that job herself. She’s still working as an unpaid intern, because although the company is full, they couldn’t let go of her talent, so she’s working there in return for training. The money from her training is the reason she’s unpaid.
She took it anyway. It was way better than just sitting at home, waiting for Jama to control her all the time. She left without his knowledge, and after almost two months of working, she came back finally told him where she was.
I don’t know if they fixed things or not, but he also left. He’s working in some accounting firm as the head of nton nton. All I know is, Jama is spending big monies thereby. The abuse, it was never confirmed, I don’t know, and at this point, I don’t even want to know. They do say ezababili azingenwa for a reason.
I miss her. We talk on the phone almost everyday, but it’s really not the same hey, I want her close to me again, maybe I won’t be this bored. But I’m happy for her. She’s going to start getting paid soon, once her training is done, and she will get a permanent position. This is what we prayed for.
“Vukani, hey. Come sit with me.” my heart always smiles when I see him.
I’d like to blame it on this pregnancy. This baby is madly in love with him. That is why he is kicking me like a maniac.
I’ve resorted to calling this baby ‘him’ because that’s what baba calls him. They all just assume that I’m carrying a boy, so I’ll stick to that.
Vukani tolerates me. He puts on a smile just so I won’t be disappointed, but it’s not hard to see that he really doesn’t like me. But I won’t stop trying to win him over. I’ll shower him with all the love I can.
“Come tell me about your day. Your brother is kicking for you.”
KaMhlaba had him go work in the fields, because he refused to to back to school this year after he was expelled. So the deal was, he’s going to work on the farm everyday, and when he’s made enough money for himself, he can do whatever he wants to do. We didn’t remove school from the table. He can still go back if he wants, and we will pay his tuition in full when he decides to, but he needs to learn a valuable lesson on life.
He took of his boots and left them by the door. He looks exhausted. He settled next to me and placed his hand on my belly, feeling the little flutters caused by my little baby.
I balled my eyes out the first time I felt his kicks. They were the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced, but he never kicks for me. He always kicks for his brothers and his father. Quite selfish if you ask me, I’m literally housing him in my body, he can’t do that to me.
“He’s saying hello big brother.” I said, placing my hand on the side to also feel the movements. It still freaks me out sometimes.
I saw a little smile forming on his face. You could tell he was fascinated.
“How was your day today?” I asked him while he was still engrossed on feeling the moving baby.
“It was good, nothing special?” he always comes back tired, today is no different.
The baby is tired of kicking now, his fascination had died down, now he’s sitting there being awkward. I want him to talk, but I obviously can’t force him to talk if he doesn’t want to.
“I’ve been looking for mom.” he says leaning on the couch, placing his head on his forehead as if he’s deeply frustrated.
This is new news to me.
“And what did you find?” you can’t miss the hurt in his eyes.
“She’s back at home, but she’s mentally unstable, they say she talks to herself, and chases chickens around the yard the whole day, calling them my father.” I guess that is my fault.
Mhlabawesizwe listens, at least he’s doing something right. He failed his other son Mandlenkosi, he broke up with Mathapelo, but that’s a story for another day. My attention is on this boy.
“We have to help her. Maybe she can come back here and…” I shook my head.
“That can’t happen.” I stopped him from even continuing. Nontuthuzelo is not coming back here.
“Why!? you already stole my father from her, now you don’t want to help her. You ruined my life, I don’t have parents because of you!” he shouted, and stood up, towering over me.
“I’m here, Langalethu is also here. Your mother did a lot of damage to this family, she ruined not only the family bonds, but she also ruined umsamo, the ancestors turned their backs on us because of her. Your father wouldn’t be six feet under the ground if it wasn’t for her selfishness.”
“You need to stop forcing this relationship, you need to accept that I hate you, I don’t like you for tearing my family apart, and I will never forgive you. Stop being delusional, you aren’t my mother, you never will be. We are the same fucking age for crying out loud!”
My feelings are hurt.
“Boy, you will not speak to my wife like that!” he roared.
He was so startled that he turned to push himself in the corner next to the couch he was in. I’m sobbing now, I can’t even control my tears. I can tell from his voice that he’s angry.
“What is your problem boy!” he was so close to giving him a slap, but I stopped him.
“Don’t you dare hit him.” I said standing up, wiping the tears that wouldn’t stop falling on my face.
He stopped and came to give me an embrace. Vukani used that opportunity to leave the room. Maybe I should stop trying, and maybe I am delusional for thinking I could mother someone the same age as me.
“Stop protecting him.” he said rubbing my back.
“Hitting him won’t open his ears baba. It’s fine, I’ll stop forcing things with him.” he just shook his head and sighed.
What kind of parents are we going to be? Will my child also not take me notice like Vukani does?