Amile The Queen

Chapter Eighty

***Amile Gumede***

In all the time that I have spent being queen of Zululand, I haven’t visited all the other palaces that my husband owns. This disease I have of always being locked at the palace should stop now.
In fact, I know it’s going to stop. It seems like baba can’t go anywhere without me anymore. I should have seen this coming this morning when he asked to accompany me to the toilet. He’s been glued to my side like a flea on a dog the whole morning and I know that is how it’s going to be for the rest of eternity.
We are going to visit MaJili. It’s shocking that we haven’t made any efforts to go and see her ever since she had a stroke. But she’s going to understand, we were very caught up with family affairs. Fixing problems her husband left us with. MaSithole said she’s recovering now, and can move more of her left hand, quite better than before. At least she’s making progress. It would be a great depression to deal with another death in this place just when things are starting to look up for everyone.
Mgabadeli is driving us, I asked him to pass by the market so we could pick up some fresh fruits and snacks for her, it would be disrespectful to arrive empty handed.
“Which market are you going to go to?” we are driving in town.
I didn’t mind leaving the palace to come and look for fruits then go back. It’s not like they are going to complain about petrol.
“Any of omama that sell nice fruits.” he looks impressed with me.
What did he think. I know I won’t find a Woolworths in this place. These are all the things he needs to start planning. But we can do that another time. I ask Mgabadeli to stop the car when I see a woman who’s selling fruits. They look fresher than the ones I’ve been seeing. I’ll just go and inspect them up-closer to be sure. I was expecting Mgabadeli to be the one to accompany me, but the king insists that he stay in the car and he will come with me. What did I say about being attached to each other? Well, he’s attached to me.
So there we are, crossing the street as if we are the most normal people on the planet, as if eyes are looking at us. People have dropped everything they are doing and are greeting us as we pass them. The woman almost suffers from a heart attack right in front of us when we arrive at her stall. I crack a smile for her, just so she can calm down.
“Bayede, Ndlunkulu, it is such an honour.” she bowed.
“Sawbona ma. I can see you are selling beautiful fruits.” I said browsing with my eyes.
She definitely has the fresh fruits. They look delicious.
“Yes my queen, the best in the market.” she’s sweet.
“I’d like to buy some ma if you don’t mind.”
“Oh no, I don’t mind my queen, you can even take everything if you have to.” I laughed.
“I just need some banana’s and mango’s. Baba what else do you think MaJili likes?” I asked turning to face him.
I bet he wasn’t even listening. He just has his hand tightly holding mine, looking around.
“I don’t know mkami, get her apples or something.” he doesn’t want to be here, especially to shop for MaJili.
The old lady is now just standing here watching us with the broadest smile on her face.
“Ma can I have you apples too, and add some grapes.” I love me some grapes, those are for me.
I won’t bother to ask him if he wants something, he really doesn’t look like he wants to be standing here any longer. Too many eyes are staring at him, and he doesn’t like that, apparently.
I hand him two of the plastics, and I carry the lighter one. He can at least participate in this since he didn’t help me choose. I don’t know why he forced his way out the car when he was going to stand and stare into space.
“Thank you so much Ma, I’ll definitely come back another time.” I handed her two hundred Rand notes.
She thanked me so much, she wanted to cry. No, I’m not buying my way into peoples hearts.
Mgabadeli brought the car around, so now we don’t have to cross the road to get there. He’s out to open the door for us, and he grabbed the fruits from our hands.
“We aren’t going to stay for long right?” he asked, still gripping onto my hand when the car started moving.
Why is he asking me, we are going to visit his step-mother because she’s sick, the one we haven’t seen since she got sick. Of course we have to stay for a little longer than just showing face.
“We’ll stay for as long as we need to baba.” I said tapping his arm using my other hand, because clearly, the other belongs to him now.
“I don’t like that woman.” he said frowning.
“But it’s going to look somehow if we don’t go see her baba.” I say this because I also got very offish vibes from her the first time I met her.she is like a MaMzobe lite.
“She can’t possibly do anything to you with her whole left side paralyzed baba, please.” I want him to stop planting ideas in his head, because he’s going to influence me, and I am very easily influenced, especially by him.
“I’m putting my life in your hands, if something happens to me, it’s your fault.” I couldn’t help but laugh at him.
He’s such a drama king.
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I feel bad that I didn’t know that Banzi’s boys were home visiting from school. I didn’t even buy them anything, let alone bother to call and check up on them in the two months they’ve been at school. They don’t have a father anymore, they also hardly have a mother. No one knows where MaMzobe is, apparently Vukani went to look for her at her home, and she was not there.
He has endured so much, but it’s better for him, he’s older, and closer to achieving his dreams. Halle and Mgcini are so young, they hardly understand what is going on, and now things had to change so quickly. They are going to grow up to be angry adults who have severe childhood issues of abandonment.
Baba is talking to Vukani. He doesn’t look like he’s interested, you can tell from his posture that whatever that is being said to him is irrelevant.
I can’t imagine him as a parent, uLangalethu. I don’t know, I think it hasn’t crossed my mind yet that we still have to become parents to a son that will take over the throne when he dies. But who wants to imagine something like death ever coming to be. Thoughts of his death have been postponed now that he got the angioplasty procedure. He went to a check-up a few weeks ago, and the doctor confirmed that he’s okay, and that his arteries are co-operating. I was very happy to hear that, no more heart attacks for him.
“How are the boys behaving? Are they okay in school?” I’d assume Vukani is doing his matric now.
“Being in boarding school is a good thing, otherwise their grades would have been affected greatly by these family problems.” MaSithole answered, flicking her Brazilian.
I want to be like her when I grow up, always looking snatched and ready for anything. I’m sure that must be a full time job on it’s own. 
“That isn’t good at all.” I said. I’m sure she can see the concern on my face.
“The little ones are always asking about their mom.” I sigh.
“And what do you say? That must be difficult for you to answer.”
“It is, yazi I can’t even avoid them. I’m glad they understand about their dad, but I can’t really make them understand about Nontuthu. She had absolutely no reason to just up and leave them like that.” I’m guessing she doesn’t know the whole story.
“And I try my best to give them that motherly love, but I know it’s not the same. It’s never going to be the same. Especially when they can’t even call me ma. It’s still Mamncane.”
“And Vukani? What about him?”
“He’s not speaking to anyone. At this point, Thula and I are praying that he doesn’t get out of hand.”
“Maybe baba should talk to him.” she gave me a smirk.
Why is she smirking at me.
“How cute, you call him baba.” I laughed.
I don’t know how else to call him. I can’t keep calling him bhuti. That is inappropriate.
“Thula doesn’t even want me to call him pet names, boSkat and all. He hates it.” come to think of it, I’ve never heard her speaking isiZulu.
She’s one of those Zulu’s from Joburg. That explains a lot of things.
“I don’t think baba and I will get to that point anytime soon.” I said picking up my glass of water.
Just as we were enjoying the silence between us, Vukani walked in followed by my husband. He started by greeting MaSithole and then he excused me so we could see the person who made us leave our comfy home to visit.
She was sitting in the television room on her wheelchair watching TV. She actually looks better than I expected to find her, the only thing is, she’s tilting to her left side, the paralyzed side.
“Aw bantabami.” she mumbles when she finally sees us.
I can’t tell if it’s excitement on her face, or shock, you can hardly tell with her slanted mouth. So much for her beautiful face. Baba grabs my hand tightly, before he leads me to sit down on the couch in front of her. He stands behind me and places his hand on my shoulder. I’m guessing I have to do the talking.
“Sawbona ma, how are you holding up?” she tries to pick up her head but, it’s not as easy.
It’s actually sad seeing someone look so helpless.
“I’m okay. You two look so beautiful my children.” she runs her eyes up to him.
His hand grips onto my shoulder. Is he trying to break my bones.
“Siyabonga ma. We are glad you are okay. We were here to check on you.” she forces a smile and uses her left hand, the one that isnt paralyzed anymore, to touch my hand that is on my knee.
“Ngane kaVumani…umuhle sisi…Mhlaba…” she doesn’t finish her sentence.
She looks at me and tears welled up in her eyes. I turn to look at Baba, and he’s wearing a frown on his face. I wonder what the issue is with him.
He then crouched down next to the couch I was on and looked at the old lady trying to fight back tears.
“My husband loved you.” he said looking at him.
You could see that he was very uncomfortable, so he cleared his throat.
“That is why he did this for you.” she blinked a couple of times.
We shared a look, the same confusion that was on my face was mirrored on his.
“Nibahle bantabami…ngiyajabula kuze kwalunga.”
I hate being lost, and this woman is speaking in riddles. I’m slowly getting irritated. I think he can see it on my face, so he gets up from the crouching position and standing behind me like before, and squeezed my shoulder. This just got awkward real quick.
“Ma we bought you fruits and some more goodies. We aren’t staying, we just wanted to see you and the children.” she finally removed her cold hand from my knee.
Now I understand why he didn’t want to stay for long.
“Thank you for coming.” she said slowly, and clapped her hands in gratification.
When my eyes met with baba’s face, he was frowning at the woman. I wish he could just pull a straight face instead. The whole reason for our visit was not to show the woman that we don’t want to be here. Now she’s said some weird shit, we can’t hide our confusion, but he can’t at least try.
Without even peeping a word to the old lady, we said our goodbye to her, and got out of that television room as quickly as our feet could carry us. In fact, we couldn’t have left that room quick enough.
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Before we left, I asked MaSithole, who I now know is Lerato, if I could see the boys. I didn’t bother asking for Vukani, I know we don’t like Amile, so I won’t put myself through that heartache.
Halle was happy to see me, I don’t know about Mgcini. I guess he was just acting enthusiastic because his brother was doing so. I haven’t spent that much time with them for them to decide whether they love me or hate me. I guess it’s just easier for them to hate me than love me. I split up their parents and took away their dad.
They wouldn’t understand even if I dreamed of explaining it to them, so I won’t bother myself. I’ll just use the fact that Halle loves me to my advantage, and maybe I can also get Mgcini on my side too. Two is better than none. I can’t force Vukani to like me, that would be like forcing a horse to drink water.
I persuaded Halle and Mgcini to come spend the day with me one of these day. I promised them a day out to do something fun, just so we can bond, and get to know each other better. I saw how skeptical both of them were, the reactions on their little faces told me they were not used to that. I want to do this, especially before they go back to school.
I don’t want to think of this as guilt for taking away their parents from them, I’m doing this because I care for them. I fell in love with them the minute the stood at me feet, pulling my skirt begging me to play with them the first day I met them. If it were up to me, I would even take them to come live with me, with us. But that is not my decision to make, and it is quite a big decision. I’m still a minor myself, I can barely take care of children. It would take a lot of strength for me to take care of two boys, especially grow up boys like Hallelujah and Mgcini.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked brushing my arm.
I shook my head and turned my head to look at him. We are on our way back to the palace. My stomach is full, Lerato went heavy on that meal. I can’t remember the last time I was this full. Never mind the fact that we lied to the poor old lady saying we were rushing, only to stay for a whole three course dinner, laughing and drinking with her children. At least she didn’t see us!
“About the boys. I just can’t stop worrying about them.” he wrapped his arm around my body and pulled me closer to his body.
I laid my head on his shoulder and sighed.
“You have a beautiful heart MaGumede, it warms my heart that you are thinking about them, even after everything MaMzobe did to you.” come to think of it, MaMzobe didn’t do anything to me. My husband yes, but not me.
Ex-husband I mean.
“The boys are innocent, the can’t suffer for their parents sins like we are doing. I want them to have a good life you know, we are trying to break a vicious cycle here, not make it longer. I don’t want them to grow up hating each other, especially our children, they need to know they have big brothers they can turn to in time of need.” now I’m just blabbing away.
He lifts his head and looks at me.
“Our children.” I look back at him.
“Yes baba.” I lay my head back on his shoulder after seeing that big smile on his face.
He must not get to excited, I’m not ready yet. Bottom line is:
“Maybe I want them to be close to us you know.” he keeps quiet.
I look up at him and he is wearing no facial expression, he’s just maintaining a straight face. Where was that straight face earlier when that poor old lady was talking to us.
“Just so they don’t feel abandoned.” he raised his hand and rubbed his face.
“Are you going to take them out of their school?” what? He’s actually buying into the idea.
“Swaziland is far baba…” silence.
“I’ll talk to their guardians and see what they say.” he says when the car finally stops in front of the palace doors.
Mgabadeli comes to open the door for him, and he climbs out. He hold out his hand for me and I climb out. My purse falls to the ground and I almost scream as I watch my phone fall to the ground, almost smashing to pieces.
The same phone Banzi bought for me when I came to Durban after we got married. My first apple. I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I watch him bending to pick up things.
He hands me the smashed phone and holds onto my cards as he stacks them carefully to put them back in the bag.
“It’s your birthday tomorrow?” he asks looking up at me as if I have committed the biggest crime.
Can’t he see that I’m shattered. My phone!
“I’ll get you another one mkami, ungakhali.” he grabs the phone from my hand and shoves it in his pocket.
He then closes the door behind me and leads me inside the house.
“Why didn’t you tell me it’s your birthday is tomorrow.” isn’t he supposed to know, as the man of the house.
I don’t answer him, I’m still fighting back tears.
“MaGumede I’ll get you another phone.” he says taking it out of his pocket and throwing it in the bin.
I screamed and let the tears fall down my face.
“No baba, don’t throw it.”
“I’ll get you one like mine, leave that one.” does he not understand the importance of having an iPhone. He clearly doesn’t.
“I don’t want your Mobicel, I want my iPhone, take it out.” I ran to where he is standing and tried to get it out of the bin.
He just laughed at me like I was here joking. This man must not test me.
He grabbed my arms and lifted my face before kissing my lips slowly.
“Ehlisa umoya. I’ll get you your iPhone.” my heart rate slowly went back to normal.
His kiss worked, but he must not think it’s always going to work. If he doesn’t get me that iPhone he is as good as dead.