Amile The Queen

Chapter Ninety-Six

***Amile Gumede***

Finale

Baba has his appointment today. I can tell that he’s nervous, but he’s trying to hide it. I don’t know why he’s nervous because it’s just a check-up. If the last time it was clear, then there isn’t anything he should be worrying about.
I wanted to come with him to be his support system, but he obviously won’t allow me, I’m too pregnant, I might pop at any minute from now.
I left him in the bedroom getting dressed, and I descended the stairs to go have breakfast.
“Mamizana.” he’s whispering.
Why is he whispering?
“Did you talk to bab’ Langa?”
“Good morning to you too Vukani, yes I had a good night, how about you?” he sighed.
This boy needs to learn some manners.
“Good morning Mamizana. Did you talk to him?” I give up.
“Yes, I did speak to him.” we didn’t even speak about it properly.
The man was tipsy, I doubt he hardly remembers that conversation, or if he does, he can’t remember the little important things. He was thinking with his third leg that night, that’s why he wanted to invade my shower time.
I didn’t mind though because I went into the new year a very satisfied woman. That’s besides the point though.
“And what did he say?” he asks, eagerness all over his face.
“He said…”
“He said he will think about it.” we both startle and see him descending the stairs.
He’s dressed in all black, it’s so hot outside for his choice of outfit.
We wait for him to finally get to us and he wraps his arm around my waist, and stares at his son.
“Why didn’t you speak to me about this sooner?” the son scratched his head.
“You know that I want you to have an education, and I want you to be successful, and do what you love to do, I would not have stopped you. But February is less than a month away, it’s not enough time to organize everything for you to have a good trip. You aren’t just going to another province, it’s a whole continent.”
Vukani looks disappointed, but this is exactly what I told him, there was no chance it was ever going to work.
“Now I’m not saying I won’t try to sort things out for you, but I’m not promising anything son. I have a baby on the way that I still need to plan for, she could be born any day now. Your brothers are also going back to school.” he nodded.
“I understand.” he put his hand on his shoulders, and Vukani looked up at him.
“If it doesn’t work out now, we will try again next year.” he reassured.
“Okay.” he tapped his shoulders.
“Let’s go have breakfast!”
He grabbed my hand and led me towards the dining room, with Vukani leading the way.
“Where are my boys?” he asks as he settles in his chair.
“They already ate, they went exploring somewhere in the garden.” Vukani answered.
This is him now. He participates in conversations and is actually nice to us. I’m starting to believe that maybe he needed the ceremony in order to wake up a little, and become this young man that we can sit and be with. Not the zombie that was walking around here.
“Did anyone go with them, it’s not safe.”
“Come on baba, they are in the garden, nothing is going to happen to them.” I reassure him.
He worries too much.
“So what did you apply for all the way in Canada son?” he asks after our breakfast arrives.
It’s just the three of us at the table, it’s not awkward at all. We have made progress.
“Agricultural Science.” he replies.
“So farming?” baba asks putting it in simpler terms.
“Not necessarily. It’s the study of agriculture, to improve  crop production, which in turn benefits farmers, buyers and consumers. I can become a farmer with that, but I can also do a number of things with it as well.”
Baba looks impressed with him. So am I.
“So you were enjoying your work eplazini?” baba questioned.
Vukani just chuckled and looked down. He seemingly learnt a lot from them.
“I did enjoy it. And I learnt quite a lot, now I know I want to do this. Not only do I enjoy it, but it will make me wealthy.” we both laughed at him.
Who doesn’t love money though? I don’t judge him.
“That’s good boy, I’m glad you found something you love.”
Silence graced the room. My child is kicking, I won’t say though, because this time it’s accompanied by minor cramps. They are minor, I won’t make a big deal out of it.
“I don’t know if Mamizana told you guys yet, but I’m going to the hospital today.” he says.
Why is he speaking as if he’s going to be admitted and he’s terminally ill. He’s speaking as if he’s not planning to come back. He must not do me like that.
Vukani looked up and stared at the both of us. He wants him to continue, he’s not a man of many words, that has already been established.
“I have a check-up with my cardiologist, to see if my heart is still working properly.”
Vukani looks scared all of a sudden. They are going to rub off their negative energy on me. I wasn’t scared about this, but the way he’s acting is starting to scare me. Does he know something I don’t?
“It’s just a check-up, I’ll be back today.” he reassures him.
He grabs my hand under the table and squeezes it in the process. He better not do me like that.
She’s kicking again.
“Good morning Mageba, Ndlunkulu, mntwana.” Khaya greets and he bows.
We greet him back. I didn’t know he’s back.
He was off on vacation in Durban since Christmas Eve. He came back early, this has kaMhlaba all over it.
“Ndabezitha, we need to get going before you miss your appointment.” he states, paging through his diary.
That’s Khaya for you.
Baba let go of my hand before he wiped his mouth and pushed the chair back.
“Baba can I come with you?” I asked as he stood up.
He gave me a look I can’t describe. He looks conflicted.
I’ve been with him to every check-up since his angioplasty surgery, he can’t drop me now.
“Mkami.” I shook my head.
“I’ve been with you to every single check-up, what’s different about this one baba?” he didn’t respond.
I took that as a sign to stand up and follow him.
“Ave unenkani kodwa.” he says and helps me get out the chair.
Khaya looked at me and smiled.
“Vukani look after your brothers, we will be back before noon.” he instructs his son.
I walk ahead after bidding him goodbye, and I walk with Khaya.
“I feel like you’ve been pregnant for forever! Kanti ubeletha nini?” he whispers.
That earns him a loud laughter from me, and he turns back to look if baba is watching us.
He isn’t.
“She’s coming soon, sesimlindile.”
“USimlindile ngempela.” I laughed and hooked my arm on his.
We are already outside, what is holding up baba inside.
He helps me climb inside the car before he closes the door and goes to take the front seat. We are waiting for the king.
“Hello Khabazela.” I wave at him.
He probably doesn’t like me, I almost costed him his job.
“Good morning Ndlunkulu.” he maintains a straight face at all times.
I don’t know how they do it actually. I wonder where Mgabadeli is, he’s friendlier than him.
“Awufuni nokusala ngephutha.” he says as he opens the door.
I laugh and give him my hand so he can climb in. He really doesn’t need it, but he’s my man, we are in this together.
“No, I’m not risking it.”
Khabazela didn’t waste any more time, we were on the road in a second.
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He’s tapping his foot nervously on the floor. I’m starting to get irritated because the wait is also driving me crazy, but that foot tap is making it worse.
Dr Mhlongo took him in for a MRI scan, and he hasn’t come back since. It has been almost twenty minutes. Thing is, I wasn’t scared when I cam here, but because he’s scared, it’s literally rubbing off on me.
“Baba please relax.” he looks up and stares at me.
“Let’s breathe in, then out.” I say.
If I could, I would stand up and go hold his hands, but I’m too lazy to stand up.
He took a deep breath in and then he slowly let it out. We did it again and I could see him being relieved a little. And he wanted to leave me at home.
“Ngiyabonga sthandwa sami.” he says and looks out the window.
I’ve never seen him this nervous before. Normally I’m the one that panics in this room, he’s always calming me. Now the tables are turned. Does he know something I don’t?
“Why are you so nervous baba?” I ask breaking the awkwardness.
He clears his throat. Even his hand is shaking. You won’t see it if you aren’t paying attention, but because I know him, I can see. He’s nervous.
“I’m afraid of dying.” he says and looks away so I don’t see his face.
That cuts deep, like really deep.
“I’ve never been afraid of death, I mean I’ve looked it in the eyes and I’ve technically ‘risen’ from the dead. Now all of that has suddenly changed Amile, I have a family that I need to be here for, and I can’t imagine what it would be like if I were to die and leave you all alone. My children, not after they lost Zwelibanzi.” the tears forced themselves out of my eyes.
I put my laziness aside and struggled up from the chair I was sitting on. I went to stand in front of him and looked at him.
“For the first time in my life, I went to the ancestral place, and ever since then, I haven’t been able to shake this fear of death off.” he confesses.
And what about me? I’ve been going to that place ever since I started living in the palace, and he’s only ever been there once? Ever? It makes no sense.
“You aren’t going to die.” I say putting my hand on his cheek.
He looked up at me, his eyes were glistening. No, he must not dare cry in front of me, I won’t be able to handle that sight.
“You don’t know that sthandwa sami.” I shook my head and made him look at me.
“I do Langalethu, I know you won’t die, not now, not before you meet your daughter, and see her grow up. It won’t happen.” Mhlabawesizwe promised me, he can’t go back on his promise.
He nodded and cupped my face. I pecked his lips multiple times, while I reassured him that nothing is going to happen to him.
The door opens disrupting our moment. He uses his thumb to wipe my tears before I turn to see who it is.
It’s Dr Mhlongo. I can’t even read his facial expression, he’s wearing a poker face.
“I’m sorry to interrupt baseNdlunkulu.”
“Come in doctor.” he says.
I move out of his embrace and go back to my chair.
Mhlongo proceeds to take off his lab coat and stethoscope before he settles on his office chair. I can’t take my eyes off the file in his hand.
Baba glances over at me before he stares at his doctor. He folds his arms and leans on his chest.
“I was able to get the MRI scans quickly, they are here with me.” he pointed to the file with his head.
He’s still wearing the poker face. Can he just get us out of this misery, we’ve already waited for him for over 20 minutes already!
“And how is it looking?”
“When was the last time you experienced chest pains.” he already asked.
“It’s been a long time now, the last time I was here was the last time.” he cleared his throat.
“I’m not here to deliver good news Mageba.” he says and opens the file as to look at it again, just to make sure.
My heart is racing. I can tell by his body language that he’s just as terrified as I am.
“Your arteries are clogging up again. It’s not severe just as yet, but it won’t be long before the stent is almost useless in preventing your arteries from constricting.”
I heard my husband heave a heavy sigh, and that broke my heart.
“We have obviously previously discussed the alternative in a case like this one, and I think now is the right time for me to perform that bypass surgery before it’s too late. We don’t want you having another heart attack because that will increase the risk of you being alive longer.”
He turned and looked me.
I know what I said, and I believe it, he’s not going to die. Mhlaba made a promise.
“Doctor he will do the bypass surgery, it’s not negotiable.” I chime in.
“I’ve already contacted my colleagues at eThekwini Hospital and let them know about your case, just give me the go ahead, and I will schedule your surgery for tomorrow latest. In fact, I should be admitting you right now.”
He shakes his head.
“No, I can’t leave now, my wife may give birth any day from now, I have to be there when she does.” he protests.
“Baba, this is your health.”
“MaGumede, I can’t let you go into the labour ward alone. I don’t want to miss it.”
“You won’t even stay in hospital for too long right, it’s like the angioplasty surgery?” I said trying to convince him.
Am I convincing him or me though?
“It actually isn’t. it takes round about 6 six weeks to fully recover as it is an open-chest surgery.”
“You see, I can’t have that.” he protests.
No, I’m not listening to him. This is the same man that was telling me he’s afraid of death.
“Doctor, book him in.” I said.
“Mhlongo don’t do that, I’m the one paying you.” oh hell no.
“Baba!?”
“I want to meet my daughter, I want to be there when it happens, I don’t want to risk it.”
“And what happens if you die before I give birth, then what?” I understand we are putting Mhlongo in an awkward position by arguing in front of him.
“That’s not going to happen and you know it.”
“Doctor please, you know what’s best for him, just make that call, book him in please.”
“Amile!” he reprimands.
“Langalethu Zulu you will go to that surgery, I haven’t even started feeling labour pains, I’m not going to give birth now! Doctor.”
He looks at me and nods before he pulls a form and starts filling it in.
Baba is looking at me defeated. I’m sure he regrets bringing me here in the first place.
I’m not going to gamble with his life like that, missing the baby’s birth is not that big of a deal, his life is a big deal. He needs to understand that.
“I’m admitting you Mageba. I’ll try to schedule your surgery to be either later tomorrow, or the next day. You will be transferred to Durban after I’ve made that call.” he says standing up.
He excused himself and he left us in a room thick with tension.
“I’m doing this for your well-being baba.” I say wiping my tears.
He stood up and paced around the room, anger written on his face. I broke into a low sob and I covered my mouth so I don’t make a noise.
The thought of him being dead scares me more than the fear of him missing the birth of our child, I’d rather he be alive and around for her life so she can remember her, than for him to be around for her birth, something she won’t remember at all, and not be around for her life. That would be selfish of him, both to me and his child.
He stopped pacing and came to crouch down beside me. He placed his hands on my stomach and kissed it multiple times before tears ran down his cheeks.
He is hurting me. Baba doesn’t cry, I don’t want to see him cry because that hurts me so much, and I can’t handle it.
“I love you, both of you.” he says and attempts to wrap his arms around me.
I place a kiss on his forehead and we just stay still like that.
Peace? Will I ever get it the way I want it?