Only for you darling

23.

   23. I'm running away just like I always do

Freya

Headache. Dry throat. Feeling how my body screamed for fresh cold water. That's the reason why I suddenly woke up at 5am. I've stayed at the same position since I fell asleep. It was still a bit dark, but the sun would raise only in minutes. I slowly opened my eyes, and I felt horrible.
"Fuck..." I quietly said to myself as I sat up. I had to stay in that position for couple of minutes, just to think if I'm feeling nauseous. I did feel, but not much.
I looked over my shoulder, and Tommi was sleeping deeply, he was laying on his back.
I stood up and started to make my way out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. I tried to be as silent as possible, my legs felt weak. Aleksi was sleeping on the couch, and Rilla was laying on the floor near her owner. She quietly looked at me, and a little bit she shook her tail. I didn't see Joonas anywhere, Joel said that he would probably sleep here. Hopefully he's at Joel's. I wonder how he's feeling...

I took a long sip of the water, and then I placed the glass to the sink. For a moment I just stood there and leaned against the kitchen counter with my hands. I had that dress on, and now it felt the most uncomfiest thing ever. I felt sweaty.
I heard faintly how footsteps came out of the bedroom. Apparently Tommi is awake too. I turned around, and he was walking through the living room, towards the kitchen and me. His short hair was a mess. I don't even want to know how I look.
He also had his trousers and that white collared shirt on, he had a few buttons open.
"Thirsty?" He murmured silently. I just nodded once.
He opened the fridge and took some juice from there, and drank straight from the can. Surely it's his own. Hope so.
"I feel so.. ashamed. That drinking went too far." I nervously sighed. Tommi scratched his scalp.

"Well, it was my vodka." He hinted.
I definitely didn't want him to feel like that he's the guilty.
"I wanted to drink it. End of the case." I corrected him, and he seemed to give up, so he only smiled a bit. I did too, but it hurted my head even more.
We were silent for a while and I was almost going back to sleep, but Tommi stepped on the way. I looked up at him confused.
"What happened at the party? Do you have a thing with Joel?" He didn't hesitate at all for asking that.
He's a man who doesn't spare his words. I appreciate that.
"We uhm.. argued a bit. If you don't tell anyone.. we maybe have something going on. But I don't know if it exists anymore." I explained nervously. Tommi nodded slowly, but he wasn't disappointed or anything. He seemed to be calm, but also truly interested.
"What was the argument about?" He asked.

I can't tell him. I don't want him to think that I'm trying to hit his every bandmate. It's not true. Kissing with Niko was a mistake. Joel is.. different case. Everything with him feels.. like a dream.
Everything felt too good to be true, and it's my fault that I made Joel feel bad.

"Nothing special. I just made a mistake. That's all." I shrugged my shoulders. He nodded as he looked a bit around.
"I don't want you to feel bad or anything, but it usually goes that way, Joel's things with women. Maybe I'm wrong this time, but you should talk to him." He gave me an advice and then stepped aside so I could go back to sleep. But I didn't take a single step.
Am I.. just one.. one among the others?
But there is one woman who's still in his life. Ruut.
What is she doing? Is she just a friend? Something more? The look Joel had on his face when he saw her at the weddings.. he didn't look happy. And he went to talk to her after our argument. Maybe Ruut is his friend who he can talk about everything. Or.. ex girlfriend. Friend with benefits?
But when I wasn't moving and I was just zoning out, and the seconds passed, Tommi put his hand on my shoulder. It made me come back to the reality, I flinched a bit and turned my head to look at him.
"You like him, don't you?" He questioned.
Oh dear.. I should just stay silent.
"Usually I like the wrong ones. The ones who hurt me." I smiled a little bit, but my sadness took over and my lower lip started to shake a bit. So I bit it.