Only for you darling

29.

             29. Now I know what you are

Trigger warning: Violence, harassment and attempted rape.

Freya

Breath.
Smile.
Breath.
Smile.
Breathe.
Smile.
That's all I could think of when I walked in through the doors of the photography studio. I came back from London just an hour ago, I just visited home quickly to get my things there. And now I'm here, because I have to work again. When I walked in and got all my stuff to the table, Tuomas' door in to his office got open. He started smiling as he saw me. He started slowly walking towards me as he spread his hands.
"You're back." He then put his hands into his jeans pockets. He didn't have those buttons open in his shirt.
"I am." I smiled as I just stood there, not knowing if I should sit or get some coffee for myself. I didn't drink any coffee at London, Gilbert wanted me to get to know better into the tea culture.
"And you stay? Not another man is coming all the way from London to steal you?" He smirked under his eyebrows, I chuckled nervously.
"Not in any time soon." I decided to sit after all.

After a few hours when I was answering to emails and checking my calendar for new clients and cases, I stretched my hands and yawned. Tomorrow I would have two photoshoots in two different locations, but I do not really have an inspiration or anything. All I could think of was Joel and our situation. And the three words I said to him before I left. I feel guilty for saying it. I love you, I mean.
I feel like he doesn't feel the same way. A thing called love isn't his strongest area. What if I ruined everything what we had? I promised him I would have an answer when I come back.
I.. don't have it. But I do feel love towards him. Or I think so.

I was zoning out as I just stared at my computer's screen, I was feeling so tired. Last night's drinks are still affecting a bit.
"Hey?" Tuomas snapped his fingers in front of me, I flinched back to reality. I blinked couple of times, then I looked up at him. He smiled amused.
"You probably didn't hear what I said." He leaned his hands against the chair across from me. I cleared my throat and shook my head.
"Well, I just wanted to ask that do you want to go for couple drinks after work? Just to celebrate your comeback or something..." He suggested a bit nervous. He seemed to be a bit shy. And that's new.
I scratched my scalp as I moved my eyes to my computer. I really don't want to drink tonight. Not a single alcohol drink, last night was enough. But.. how I would say it in a nice way..?
"Listen uhm.. last night in London I drank a bit so.. alcohol as an idea to drink feels too nauseous." I let out a small chuckle.
I think that was nice enough?
Tuomas just nodded as he seemed to understand. But he didn't leave yet, he was looking around.
"What was his name again.. the London one?" He asked curious. I lifted my eyes to look at him.

"Gilbert. Why?" I stared at my computer again and all the emails on the screen. It makes me feel so good when I've answered to every email, and it satisfies me how there's not a single new email. I refreshed the page again, just in case there would be a new one. But there wasn't.
"Yes, Gilbert. Are you dating him?" He decided to take a seat across from me. I let out a short chuckle as I took more comfortable position in my chair.
"Why you care? You promised you wouldn't ask me such a things anymore." I looked at him amused, but I was feeling a bit annoyed deep inside me. I stared at him, and we just sat there in silence. He wanted the answer. I sighed as I closed my eyes for a second.
"I don't."

"Okay, then I have enough courage to ask you that will you go to a movie with me." He crossed his hands against his chest. He had a soft smile on his lips and he looked at me.
"You assume that when I don't officially date anyone, I would come with you?" I shut the computer. He shrugged his shoulders casually.
"Do you date anyone?" His gaze never left me. But I did want it to left me. My small amused smile faded away as he asked that. Joel came back to my mind.
I don't want to answer to him. I'm not obliged to tell him anything. I packed the computer and all my other stuff to my bag. I didn't say anything, I didn't even look at him. He waited patiently, but he also stood up when I did. Carefully I looked at him, and he was frowning a bit. He was.. concerned. What?