Only for you darling

31.

                             31. Thin place

Freya

Two months later

It's been different time for the past two months. I don't have a job, but Joel said that I need to focus on myself first. He wanted me to take care of myself and get my mental health in better position before seeking for any jobs. So, I've been reading a lot, visited art galleries and museums. I've seen a therapist for a few times, I'm not sure if it's helping. I also called to Gilbert two days after what happened in the photography studio. He was angry and so worried about me, and he wanted to come here. But I said that he doesn't need to, and that he can't just leave his work there just like that. The real reason was that I didn't want him to come. I didn't want any other people to get worried because of me and pity me. I said to him that I'll visit him when I have time.
I don't have anything else than time, but.. yeah. I'll visit him when I have the strength and the whole situation has calmed down.
Mom was angry and she went to the litigation for me, I didn't want to see Tuomas again. I don't want to see him ever again. He got three years in jail for three outrageous sexual abuse and for one outrageous attempted rape. Three years.. how ridiculously less, but that's how it works in here Finland.

Juuso came to tell me the judgment after the trial, and I was so relieved. Joel was too. And so was everyone else.
It was also my idea that we would change numbers with Juuso, we both need some support and I think it was a good idea. Juuso is polite, and so nice guy. He also hates his brother, and he said that he doesn't want to talk to him ever again, and not even see him. He said that Tuomas is mentally ill, and he didn't regret what he did to the poor women. That's what he said in court. But in that moment when he tried to rape me, and when I asked that has he done this before, he regretted for a moment.
Juuso and Joel has gotten along well, and it makes me happy to see that.

And what happened to the photography studio; it went down. Lotta decided to move to Paris, and she got a job as a photographer from a local studio. I'm so happy for her. Oliver instead is kinda in the same situation as I. He doesn't have a job and he had to move to his parents house. He has been looking for a job tho, but hasn't gotten any of them.
One day Juuso and Oliver met and all the three of us went to a bar and spent all night in there. They got along well and we have been hanging out together since that.

Joel has had much to do with his band of course, they've already visited a few countries and had gigs in there. Eevi and I have spent a lot of time together, her pregnancy is going well and the baby is fine.
Joel and I.. nothing has really changed between us. We sleep in the same bed, and we kiss each others on top of heads or something. But that's all.
We haven't really even talked about it, and he hasn't talked about the fact that I told I loved him before I left to London. We're kinda stuck, neither of us don't know what to do, who should make the first move of talking about us. We're just.. living and we're trying to start living normally after the.. well what happened with Tuomas. I have seen couple of times nightmares of him, I haven't told about them to anyone. They're very disturbing and.. yeah, no.

Joonas is living with me and Joel, he sleeps in the couch and I'm completely fine with it. He was here first after all, and this whole "roommate" thing is kinda cool. Living with me and Joel? Yes, I officially moved in. Joonas also sold his apartment and we're all kinda.. "stuck" with our lives or something. It sounds harsh, but it kinda is our normal now. Joel and Joonas are so busy with all the band stuff, gigs around Finland and the world, interviews and new music. This apartment is only a place where they are for a while, and then they leave again to somewhere. Joel and Joonas both do say sometimes that they want own peace, so Joonas visits Olli's and Eevi's house often and sleeps upstairs since it's still empty.