Heart of Fire

Chapter Seventeen

I cannot fall asleep.

I've tried everything from reading the most horribly boring books, to doing pushups on my bedroom floor to try and tire myself out. Nothing is working. Nothing can get Kenton off my mind. He's truly done it now. I keep replaying his words over and over in my mind, confusing myself to no end.

It frightens me how often I think about you.

You, Adira, are my greatest desire.

More than anything, I am angered. Angered that he seems to believe he can say those things to my face, as if I haven't wanted nothing to do with him my entire life. Angered that he doesn't want Hudson to be the one to hold me, to touch me. Hell, I'm even angry at myself for letting it affect me so greatly. Even worse, I can't go to Hudson for a distraction, seeing as though he is furious with me. All of this is so...random. Yesterday I thought Hudson was only my friend and Kenton was just a moody prick who only cared about himself. Now, to find out that not only Hudson has feelings for me, but also Kenton, it's a lot to take in.

I go out on the balcony that is connected to my room, the air chilling my clammy skin. Looking out into the horizon, the sun has just begun to rise. No sense in trying to sleep now, not that I would be able to anyway. From here, the small village of Narva looks even more miniscule, like an ant compared to a boot. It makes me wonder just how much there is out there, how much more of the world there is to see. I have lived in Narva my entire life, not once leaving these grounds, save for my trip to Caraq. I have only seen maps of life around our kingdom, the surrounding villages and bodies of water that exist on them. There are many kingdoms I wish to see around us, along with the desire to travel further than what the maps disclose. There must be more out there, more than what I could ever imagine. Someday, maybe I will get the chance to leave this place, to write my own destiny.

With dawn rising in front of my eyes, my stomach rumbles, the sound low and groaning. The servants won't bring me food for at least another hour, so I step back inside to dress myself. I pull on comfortable clothing for training in a few hours and tie my hair back into a braid.

Once I'm ready, I set off to the kitchen, closing my door softly behind me so I do not disturb anyone. I pass several servants and guards along the way, all of them hastily carrying out their morning duties. I never realized how early they start their days, how late they stay up. They run on a few measly hours of sleep, never taking a day off. Their entire lives revolve around work. It makes me sad for them, how much they do to keep the castle running only to be treated so poorly. It's not fair, not even a little bit.

When I approach the kitchen, the scent of pastries and breads floods my senses. I peek my head through the door, watching as the kitchen staff works swiftly to prepare meals for everyone in the castle. A young girl spots me first, pausing her movements when she sees me. I recognize her from the few times she delivered my meals to my room.

"Miss Farrington? Is everything alright? We are not quite done with your meal yet, I can bring it up to your room shortly." She rambles, assuming that I'm only here to retrieve my meal. I step further into the kitchen, waving her off.

"No, you don't have to do that." I reassure, walking over to where she is cutting the stems off of strawberries. A few other girls have stopped what they are doing as well, watching me in wonder. "May I assist you?" I ask her.

The girl opens her mouth, hesitant to answer, as if she is unsure if I am being serious. I don't know why I'm scared of her answer, if she rejects my help, that is.

"That is very kind of you Miss Farrington, but you do not have to help us. Surely you have duties elsewhere?" She answers. An elderly woman with an apron covered in flour walks in, stopping short when she spots me.