Heart of Fire

Chapter Thirty One

"Ouch."

"Sorry, I'm just glad you're awake." I stammer, letting Brooks out of my bone crushing hug. I couldn't contain myself from embracing him the moment I walked in the room to see him alive and well.

"Are you feeling any better?" Hudson asks.

We're all crammed in Brooks' tiny recovery room, practically shoulder to shoulder. Brooks sits up in his bed, a large white wrap covers his midriff as a miniscule amount of blood seeps through . He's still quite pale, but not nearly as bad as when we first got back to the castle.

"I feel great considering there's a hole in my side." He shrugs, laughing slightly. I shake my head, typical Brooks to make a joke on such a thing.

"Well, good thing is we don't have a battle to fight anytime soon so you can make a full recovery." Amelia chirps.

The mention of battle, of why we went to battle in the first place, sends a shiver down my spine. I am reminded of what Zehra told me, of what Bastian is hiding. I still have no idea what to do, I haven't had time to process what that might entail for me.

"Hello? Earth to Adira?" Hudson waves his hand in front of my face, snapping me out of my trance.

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked you why you and Kenton were in the dungeons." He says.

"Oh, I- we were...it was quiet?" I stumble over my words, clearly not having an excuse ready. The group looks at me blankly, not saying a word.

"Come on, we know you were talking to Zehra. We're not idiots." Fyn says. They all nod, save for Brooks who has zero idea what we're talking about.

"Alright, fine. Yes we were talking to Zehra, what's the big deal?" I admit, trying to sound like everything's fine.

"The big deal is that you and Kenton looked totally strung up about whatever happened in there. What did she say?" Amelia says.

I sigh, "Look, I can't talk about this until I have a chance to discuss it with Kenton. I promise I'll fill you all in, but something is seriously wrong. I just don't know how to deal with it yet." I explain. This only causes me to receive more confused looks from them.

"I have to go." I say quickly before dashing out of the room.

"Wait, Adi!" Hudson calls after me, which I promptly ignore.

I rush back to my room, assuming that's where Kenton will be. Surprisingly, Hudson doesn't follow me. Perhaps admitting to them what Kenton and I were doing in the dungeon was a mistake, especially since I couldn't tell them what Zehra told us. However, they were going to find out anyway, even if they already had their suspicions.

I fumble with the door knob before practically falling into my room. I sigh in relief to find Kenton already here, standing at my desk with his back to me. He doesn't turn around at the sound of me coming in, though I'm sure he heard me.

"Everything okay?" I ask, slightly concerned.

He turns around slowly, the first thing I notice is his eyes brimming with tears, the whites of his eyes red. Then, my heart drops to my stomach as I spot what he's holding. He holds up my journal with a shaky hand and all I can do is watch. I'm completely frozen, lost of words, there's no return from here. He's read my journal, he had to, no one finds a journal and doesn't immediately read it. He's read all of the feelings about him, about me, about everything I wrote.

I. Can't. Breathe.

"Adira." His voice breaks. He walks towards me slowly. I watch as a tear runs down his cheek, dipping under his jaw. "Everything you wrote, about me, about us. What does this mean?"

He hovers over me now, holding the journal between us like a connection of our souls. He shows every emotion he's feeling, he doesn't even try to hide them. I feel stripped bare of any dignity I had left, it's all gone, he knows everything. My eyes burn, a lump forms in my throat.

"Tell me this doesn't mean what I think it does, that it's all a lie, that it's only a fragment of my imagination." He pleads, looking back and forth between my eyes. More tears stream freely down his face, causing my heart to swell with even more fear.

"Everything I wrote in that journal, I meant. Every word is true, none of it is a lie." I choke out, not breaking my gaze from his.

"I don't believe you." He walks away, running his hands through his hair.

This angers me. "No, you just don't want to believe me." I breathe. "It means exactly what you think it means, Kenton."

"No."

He's across the room from me, keeping his distance for a reason I do not know. I blink my tears away, only to have them return the moment I open my eyes again. We hold eye contact for a moment, before I've had enough of hiding from him.

"I love you." I say. "I love you and I'm terrified. I'm terrified because I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I did everything in my power to deny it, to convince myself it wasn't true, but I failed. I failed so miserably." I choke on a half laugh half sob. "And I didn't fall in love with you because I was looking for love or that I simply wanted someone to hold me at night, it was quite the opposite. I fell in love with you because you make this crazy hell of a world feel like something else entirely, because you showed me what it feels like to be valued, to be heard. When I'm with you, the entire world around me blurs, just by the way you look at me. Yes, you annoy me to no end, we've both made that entirely clear. Hell, you make me question my sanity most days, but I needed that. I needed you and I didn't even know it. I needed to love you. And I do love you, Kenton. I love-"

I'm cut off as he crosses the room in two steps, not hesitating to crash his lips against mine. I immediately melt into his touch, the way he holds my face in his hands with his thumbs on my wet cheeks. I don't know how I've lived my entire life without this, without him.

It's everything.

Until I pull away from him, remembering how upset he was only a moment ago, how much fear I saw in his eyes. But now, looking in those same eyes, the fear is completely gone and instead replaced with lust.

"So you aren't upset with me? With what I wrote in the journal?" I ask meekly, almost embarrassed to be asking such a thing. His brows furrow together, forming a line in the middle.

"Upset with you? God no, I was only caught off guard." He says, pulling me impossibly closer to him. "I'm more upset with myself than anything."

"Why? You-"

"What I mean is," He cuts me off. "If I knew how you felt, I would have done so many things differently, I would have been better for you."

I think for a moment, breaking my gaze from his before returning it back to him. "I'm sorry, I just- I didn't know how to tell you or put it into words, I guess." I say. Out loud, now I think I sound stupid, foolish for that being my only excuse.

His face softens, "Do not apologize to me, ever. Especially for this." He sighs, looking at me like there's nothing else in this world for him to see. "I would have waited a million lifetimes for you if that's how long it took for you to tell me. I would have loved you no matter what, even if you didn't return the feeling. I would have fought for you, because you, Adira, are the only one I will ever love. You are the only one for me."

I lean into his hands that still hold my face, savoring his touch. Standing up on my toes to reach him, I press my lips to his softly. He doesn't hesitate to deepen the kiss, cradling the back of my head to keep me close to him, making me go weak in the knees. I thread my fingers through his dark hair, feeling the soft tandrals on my skin. He slides his tongue over my bottom lip, silently begging for permission which I grant him by opening my mouth.

I have never been so utterly consumed by a person in my entire life. The only thing on my mind is Kenton; his touch, his lips, everything about him. I never want him to let me go, I don't want this feeling to end.