Heart of Fire

Chapter Twenty Three

The three weeks of training and prepping for battle went by much quicker than I thought they would. Everyday was the same routine; wake up, go to training, eat, go back to training, and go to bed. Kenton was pushing us harder each day, claiming that we needed to be as prepared as possible. Training was all my mind was thinking about, which was a nice break from being confused about the princes. I am more comfortable with my powers than I have ever been. I'm no longer frightened of them or think of it as a burden. They are a part of me, we are one. I only hope that the battle doesn't change that for me.

Now, it is the night before we leave for battle. The nerves I have been putting off have come to the surface, leaving me restless. I've been writing ever since I got back from our last training session, page after page I've written about anything my mind came up with. The journal is now completely filled, not a page has been left blank. I'm proud of myself in a way, finally finding a healthy way to express my feelings, even if it's just for myself. Perhaps that is something I needed, something for myself just this once.

A knock at my door startles me out of my writing. I throw the journal under my pillow, completely out of sight. It is well past midnight, getting a knock at my door at this hour is strange. I get up cautiously, walking to my door and cracking it open slightly.

Hudson looks through the small crack in my door, his expression a mixture of fear and confusion. "Hi."

I open the door fully now, no longer concerned about who is there. To say that Hudson is the last person I expected to be there would be an understatement. "Hi."

"Can I come in?" He asks after a moment.

I realize now I've only been staring at him in my doorway. Slightly embarrassed, I step to the side and motion him to come in. He walks in, stops in the middle of my room and stands awkwardly.

"What are you doing here, Hudson? Shouldn't you be asleep?" I keep my distance from him, not knowing how close I should stand.

"I could ask you the same thing." He shrugs. This is far too awkward, we never act like this around each other. He clears his throat, putting his hands in his pockets. "Listen, Adi, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how I acted."

I blow out a breath slowly, "I mean, I did reject you in front of your friends. I think your reaction was justified." I say quietly.

"No, it wasn't. I should have handled it better and I should have respected your feelings." Just by the look on his face, I can tell he truly feels terrible. I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but an apology to me was certainly not on the list.

"I get it, I really do, but I should have stopped us the night in the village. We wouldn't be in this situation if I did." I say. He looks me in the eyes now, something he's been avoiding for a while.

He takes a step closer, "Adi, I've had a lot of time to think about everything. I'm not going to deny that I have feelings for you or that it doesn't hurt to know you don't share the same for me. But I need you in my life, whether I get what I want or not. If being your best friend is all you'll give me, then I'll take it."

I close the distance between us, hugging him fiercely. He hugs me back, tightening his grip as he buries his face in my neck.

"Thank you. I needed my best friend back." I mumble. He chuckles lightly, releasing his hold on me. I smile at him, finally seeing the version of Hudson I know.

He hesitates before speaking again. "Can I- can I ask you something?" He questions.

"Yes, anything." I say, sitting down on my couch. He sits down as well, taking the armchair closest to him. I get nervous now, Hudson is usually never hesitant to ask me things.

"Is there anything going on between you and Kenton?" He looks physically pained as he asks me this.

"What? No, of course not." I defend. Apparently this is the burning question on everyone's mind lately. He squints at me, scanning my face.

"Come on, Adi. You've never been able to lie to me, don't try to now." He accuses.

I jerk my head back, confused as to why he's asking me this. Five minutes ago we weren't even on speaking terms.

"I'm not lying!" I say, offended. He deadpans, blinking once as he waits for a real answer from me. I don't give in. "Why are you asking me this anyway?"

"Trust me, I don't particularly want to be having this conversation, especially after you rejected me." He smirks slightly before turning his expression serious again. "But I know my brother, and more importantly I know you. I can tell when something is happening."

I sigh, sinking further into the couch. "Your brother has made his feelings toward me very clear." I explain. "Specifically the night he and the trio caught us in your room. I think his jealousy set him off."

"I see, and what did you have to say about these feelings?" He asks attentively.

I shrug, "I didn't say anything."

He looks at me thoroughly, like he's trying to see through me.

"Do you have feelings for him?"

"Is this really a conversation you want to be having right now?"

He laughs lightly, getting up from the armchair to sit next to me. "Yes it is, because if you do have feelings for him, I don't want to be the person holding you back from admitting that. No matter how much I care about you, I can't be the one to destroy something you might want." He grabs my hands, looking me in the eyes.

I look away from him, fearful to admit to him what I've truly been feeling."I think I am the one destroying what I want. I do have feelings for Kenton, strong ones perhaps, but I meant it when I told you that I don't think I am deserving of love or that I could give that to someone." My eyes begin to burn at my confession.

"Adi, look at me." He says sternly. I do, hesitantly. Tears begin to well up in my eyes, blurring my vision slightly. "If there is anyone in this world that is deserving of love, it is you. You just have to believe it in your heart. I have never met someone so fierce, yet so caring in the most amazing ways. You've spent your entire life looking out for others, surviving on your own with no help, it's time you do something for yourself. You are more than capable of loving someone, I've seen it with my own eyes. You only have to believe that you are capable." The tears now stream freely down my face as he speaks to me.

"I'm terrified." I whisper, my voice cracking from the tears.

"I know." He chuckles, pulling me to him. He kisses the side of my head, holding me close to him as I weep. "It's time for you to be happy, Adira."

Maybe, just maybe, it is time for me to be happy.