Heart of Fire

Chapter Thirty Nine

As I look at the dead king in front of me, I feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A weight that's been hanging on for over five years, finally gone. Now that it's gone, I don't quite know what to do with myself, what I should do next.

I look down at the white dress on my body, it's completely covered in Bastian's blood. I drop the blade in my hand as I look at Kenton, who still sits on the floor. He stares at his father's dead body, his face pale. He doesn't look sad, or even upset. He just looks...dazed.

Queen Evelyn sits quietly in a corner, shaking and crying. Brooks stands behind Bastian's throne, looking at me with wide eyes. Fyn stands beside Hudson, who is no longer holding the prince. Hudson only bows his head, not looking at anyone. Amelia stands over the priest, who is still knocked out, looking at me with sad, sad eyes.

I continue to look around at everyone in the room, it's completely silent. I don't know where to go from here, what I should say right now. I just killed the King of Narva, leaving Kenton to the crown and he doesn't even wish to be king. I made that decision for him. Without even thinking, I did the very opposite of what he wished.

Guards storm into the room, ready to attack. Someone from the wedding must have notified them of the chaos in here. My blood runs cold as they look at their dead king, then to me who stands next to the bloody sword on the floor, my dress covered in blood. Without hesitation they storm towards me, ready to take me out without any command from their dead king.

So I do the only thing I've ever known how to do my entire life.

I run.

I run past Kenton, who yells after me to stay, shouting nonsense in a frenzy. I run past all my friends, who try to stop me. I run until I'm out of the castle, making my way to the woods. I don't stop running until I'm in the little cottage I found that day I first ran away.

Everything looks the same as the day I left it, not an object out of place. I close the door behind me, sliding down the wall beside it and bringing my knees to my chest. I lay my head down, sobbing.

Of course, Hudson knows where this cottage is, it's probably the first place they'll come looking for me. However, I can't find it in me to care right now. Kenton will sort out the guards who want to kill me, I'm not worried about that. I only need a moment to myself, a moment to think in silence.

I think about what Bastain told me, what Kenton showed me through his mind. All these years I thought I grew up with Hudson, I thought he was my only friend. To learn that Kenton was there with me as well, it's a lot to take in.

Now it makes sense to me. Why Kenton thought he knew me so well when I returned to the castle, the way he knew exactly what to say to push my buttons and get me angry, all the times he told me he couldn't get me off his mind. He did know me, and I knew him once.

It's strange. The fact that I've spent these past few months relearning everything about Kenton, falling in love with him all over again, and I didn't even know I was doing it. He didn't push me to want him again, he couldn't even if he desired to. I did it all on my own subconsciously, because even if my mind had no idea about how much Kenton meant to me, my heart certainly did. That's what brought us together. Two hearts yearning for one another, burning for that connection again.

I hear someone open the door to my cottage. I know it's Hudson before I even look up. He's the only person who knows where this place is.

"Hi." He says awkwardly when he spots me sitting against the wall.

I look up at him from where I sit, not bothering to hide my puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks from him. He knows I'm upset, anyone who was in that room could assume such a thing.

"Hi." I copy, matching his tone.

He sits down next to me, bunching his knees up to his chest to mirror me. "I thought you'd be here." He says, earning a hum of agreement from me.

"Are you alright? I mean, of course you're not, that's a stupid thing to ask right now. I just- everything back at the castle is fine. Kenton sorted everything out as soon as the guards went to chase after you. They took care of my father, he's gone. And- and Evelyn is coping, I guess, but if you want to go back we can go now. I know you might not want to, but-"

"Hudson." I cut his ramble off, to which he shuts his mouth promptly. "I'm fine. I'm not worried about those things. I just- panicked and I needed a place to think for a while." I explain.

He nods slowly, looking at me like he's trying to figure out if I'm going to cry or lash out on him at any moment.

It's silent for a while, which I'm thankful for. Hudson's presence calms me in a way where I don't even need him to talk to me, just him being here is enough. I slide closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder. He doesn't tense up, instead he rests his head on top of mine.

He takes a breath, "Kenton gave me the memories back." He says.

"And? How do you feel?" I ask, my voice just above a whisper.

"I feel..." He starts fiddling with his fingers, "Like my entire childhood was a lie. My whole life I saw Kenton as someone who was barely my brother, but now, I see him as a completely different person. Now I understand why he was so closed off towards me after you left. Not only did he lose you, but he also lost me."

"I want to be mad at him." I admit. "For everything he did, all the things he hid from me all while I was falling for him. Yet, I can't find it in me to be even slightly upset with him. Is that bad?" I ask.

He lifts his head off of mine to look at me, tears brimming his eyes. "No, it's not. Partly because it wasn't his choice, but also because your love for him is stronger than anything else you feel for him. What you went through was traumatizing in a way that no one else should ever have to go through that, but Kenton wasn't the root of your trauma, my father was. He's the one you were angry with, rightfully so in that." He says.

He's right, I realize. Everything that I've went through was because of Bastian, whether Kenton was forced in there or not. Kenton was never an option when it came to who I needed to be angry with, he was simply an unfortunate soul pressured to do something at such a young age.

"How is he?" I ask, not needing to specify who I'm asking about.

Hudson blows out a breath, shaking his head slightly. "If I'm being completely honest, he's a mess. I think he feels guilty more than anything, and he's worried about you." He says. I nod, understanding what he's saying completely

I get up from the floor, wiping the dirt from my palms on my dress. Hudson looks at me hesitantly as I hold out a hand to help him up. "Come on," I say. "I've had enough time to mope in this rotting cottage."

He smiles brightly, taking my hand to stand up.